Memory lapse

[Adobe]

I am stuck in that I lived with my grandmother the first years of my life. I was a bother as she had already raised 5 girls and she was elderly. She was a very cold woman. There was no bonding, warmth or nurturing. I have no memory of my mother until the day I had the German measles. It was the first warmth I had felt from any human. I have tried and tried to remember those first 5 years. I have no idea where my mother was and I have no one to ask as they have all passed. Will anything open up that dark time?

 

[beaneeboo]

I am stuck in that I lived with my grandmother the first years of my life. I was a bother as she had already raised 5 girls and she was elderly. She was a very cold woman. There was no bonding, warmth or nurturing. I have no memory of my mother until the day I had the German measles. It was the first warmth I had felt from any human. I have tried and tried to remember those first 5 years. I have no idea where my mother was and I have no one to ask as they have all passed. Will anything open up that dark time?

I can't answer that for you I'm afraid. I'm sorry you went through this, it sounds incredibly lonely but you are here now. I can relate to not knowing / having clear memories about early times in life. Maybe the only thing to do is trust that your body will let you know whatever you need to know when you need to know it. I can very much understand the torment of not knowing though - you're not alone

 

[arfie]

my very first psych dx was "trauma induced amnesia." i had blocked the memory of my entire childhood, up to approximately 19 years old when i joined the army and started my formal psychotherapy through base clinics. breaking down those memory blocks was/is tricky icky business. the further back i go, the trickier and ickier the business gets. the memories of a five year old are unreliable, at best, even when the child has never suffered trauma.

will anything open up that dark time? dunno. . . in my personal herstory, trying to force the opening results in false memories and self-gaslighting. i believe it is better to let that mystery be. if i am meant to know, the knowledge will become available at the speed of life.

 

[Friday]

Will anything open up that dark time?

Maybe. Maybe not.

The most common “start” to childhood memories beginning is a major life change in early childhood. Modernly (last century or so), in 1st world countries, that meant the overwhelming majority memories “start” at around age 5 when they started kindegarten. As the necessity & desire for dual income households has blurred that line? (Daycare, preschool, elementary school) Those numbers are changing.

Various sub-cultures in 1st world countries childhood memories tend to start much earlier, and much later. Military brats usually begin episodic memory around age 1.5-3yo (their first major move), and sometimes linear memory. Abused kids tend to not recall much before their teenage years, and many not until they leave home. Religious enclaves (think Amish, not cults) usually begin at around what Catholics call 1st Communion… anywhere from age 5-12 depending on the enclave… when a child takes on more responsibility in the community. <<< All the examples I know of (and I know a lot worldwide, several score) follow the general rule that SOMETHING big has to change to interrupt the “how it’s always been”, to kickstart a new way of recorded memory; and it usually follows an independence-seeking-time, neurologically. Toddlers. 5/6yos. Puberty. Teens. Young adults.

There’s no known way to recall memories from before that changeover happens UNLESS it’s traumatic-amnesia rather than memory not encoding the way it does after change (in a way that we can consciously access).

So, IME, whether you get memories from before your illness with your mom or not? Would depend on if you’re talking about the normal/natural way we record memory, (in which case, at this time, there’s no known way to access earlier memory); or if there’s a traumatic lock on those earlier memories (in which case, yes, there are numerous ways that people start recalling traumatic pasts).

 

[Adobe]

my very first psych dx was "trauma induced amnesia." i had blocked the memory of my entire childhood, up to approximately 19 years old when i joined the army and started my formal psychotherapy through base clinics. breaking down those memory blocks was/is tricky icky business. the further back i go, the trickier and ickier the business gets. the memories of a five year old are unreliable, at best, even when the child has never suffered trauma.

will anything open up that dark time? dunno. . . in my personal herstory, trying to force the opening results in false memories and self-gaslighting. i believe it is better to let that mystery be. if i am meant to know, the knowledge will become available at the speed of life.

I think in my heart from the info I am getting on line it is best to let it go. I am sure it is easy to manipulate yourself or have others manipulate into false memories. Thank you!

Maybe. Maybe not.

The most common “start” to childhood memories beginning is a major life change in early childhood. Modernly (last century or so), in 1st world countries, that meant the overwhelming majority memories “start” at around age 5 when they started kindegarten. As the necessity & desire for dual income households has blurred that line? (Daycare, preschool, elementary school) Those numbers are changing.

Various sub-cultures in 1st world countries childhood memories tend to start much earlier, and much later. Military brats usually begin episodic memory around age 1.5-3yo (their first major move), and sometimes linear memory. Abused kids tend to not recall much before their teenage years, and many not until they leave home. Religious enclaves (think Amish, not cults) usually begin at around what Catholics call 1st Communion… anywhere from age 5-12 depending on the enclave… when a child takes on more responsibility in the community. <<< All the examples I know of (and I know a lot worldwide, several score) follow the general rule that SOMETHING big has to change to interrupt the “how it’s always been”, to kickstart a new way of recorded memory; and it usually follows an independence-seeking-time, neurologically. Toddlers. 5/6yos. Puberty. Teens. Young adults.

There’s no known way to recall memories from before that changeover happens UNLESS it’s traumatic-amnesia rather than memory not encoding the way it does after change (in a way that we can consciously access).

So, IME, whether you get memories from before your illness with your mom or not? Would depend on if you’re talking about the normal/natural way we record memory, (in which case, at this time, there’s no known way to access earlier memory); or if there’s a traumatic lock on those earlier memories (in which case, yes, there are numerous ways that people start recalling traumatic pasts).

Very knowledge based response. Thank you!