Do you forget your T's face out of session time?

[beaneeboo]

Bit of a weird one. But I've noticed that when I'm out of therapy I can't recall my T's face. I've only had 10 sessions with him but when I look at him in my minds eye out of session time, it's like there's a blank there. Can't recall his whole face or really even parts of it. I have an impression of the type of face he may have but couldn't really describe it.

I'm not sure if this is just with T. I can remember family faces. I can remember friends faces. It seems very prominent with T. And perhaps it's just new faces. But I think after sitting nearly 10 hours across from someone I should be able to recall them.

 

[Teamwork]

Mine has his picture on his website-helps me out tons. I may be in the room, but other things certainly compete. It doesnt help that he can only see me every four weeks. I ‘go’ see him on his website and listen to his relaxation series if I need to refresh who he is to me . Otherwise he just seems to disappear.

 

[whiteraven]

I used to never be able to remember what people's faces looked like, T's included. Part of it with my T is that I never looked at him, but I think for me it was a more general issue, with everyone. That got better over the years, and i mostly don't have any problems with it now.

 

[No More]

I haven’t a clue what mine looks like. I do make some eye contact, although it’s patchy. Sometimes I’ll try and remember what they were wearing, and I have a hard time with that as well.

 

[Charbella]

I can remember mine but then it’s been a lot more sessions. I’d say think about how often you actually look at him and how much you are studying him. For me in the early stages I’d say not much so I could’ve easily sat for 10 hours then had not much idea.

I don’t know if this helps but with most peoples faces I find I remember them because my childhood necessitated reading people so of course I was really looking at them and trying to figure out what each tiny movement meant. I could almost draw some people pretty early on in most relationships. With my T if I was going to share all the things I needed to I also needed to turn that off so I did. I’d say the more distance I could create between me and T at first the better off I was. Once I decided to give some trust I didn’t have such a need to keep him at arms length.

I don’t know if that helps. But that’s what came to mind when I read your post.

 

[beaneeboo]

Mine has his picture on his website-helps me out tons.

yes I do this too sometimes though not sure it helps

Otherwise he just seems to disappear.

Are you left with a sense ofhim even if not visuals? I think that's what I have

I used to never be able to remember what people's faces looked like, T's included. Part of it with my T is that I never looked at him,

I hadn't thought of this as being a contributing factor. Makes sense

but I think for me it was a more general issue, with everyone. That got better over the years, and i mostly don't have any problems with it now.

That's good!

I haven’t a clue what mine looks like. I do make some eye contact, although it’s patchy. Sometimes I’ll try and remember what they were wearing, and I have a hard time with that as well.

Will give that a go. Its easier with mine as he often wears the same thing!

I can remember mine but then it’s been a lot more sessions. I’d say think about how often you actually look at him and how much you are studying him.

not at all... I don't think I have the confidence to look long enough to study him... but I am getting better at looking at him more often and holding eye contact a bit longer ...

For me in the early stages I’d say not much so I could’ve easily sat for 10 hours then had not much idea.

I don’t know if this helps but with most peoples faces I find I remember them because my childhood necessitated reading people so of course I was really looking at them and trying to figure out what each tiny movement meant. I could almost draw some people pretty early on in most relationships. With my T if I was going to share all the things I needed to I also needed to turn that off so I did. I’d say the more distance I could create between me and T at first the better off I was. Once I decided to give some trust I didn’t have such a need to keep him at arms length.

This is really interesting. Thanks for sharing it makes complete sense. I am trusting mine more but its still work in progress.

I don’t know if that helps. But that’s what came to mind when I read your post.

It does and thank you

 

[No More]

Will give that a go. Its easier with mine as he often wears the same thing!

I’m kind of trying to be able to hold them in mind between sessions, keep some kind of connection. At the minute I walk out the door & it’s all gone. Unless I’m physically there, I can’t seem to hold the words or the feelings in mind. Makes it quite hard because it’s like starting over with someone new at the beginning of each session. Hence trying to summon some kind of image, face is just beyond me but sometimes I can remember shoes/jeans/jumper colour etc.

 

[beaneeboo]

I’m kind of trying to be able to hold them in mind between sessions, keep some kind of connection. At the minute I walk out the door & it’s all gone. Unless I’m physically there, I can’t seem to hold the words or the feelings in mind. Makes it quite hard because it’s like starting over with someone new at the beginning of each session. Hence trying to summon some kind of image, face is just beyond me but sometimes I can remember shoes/jeans/jumper colour etc.

I get this sentiment so much. I've talked about forgetting things between sessions with T. We figured out that writing things down immediately after session helps me - then I look back over the week. But I don't think that helps with the face. I think it helps with the over all impression of his presence though? You could try writing...

 

[Movingforward10]

I read somewhere that a therapist said once a client remembers the picture behind them or details aboutbthebroom, that the client is nearing the end of therapy.

So it seems it's quite common not to be able to take things in?
Which makes sense if our brains are already dealing with trauma and everything else. Can't compute much more.
I hold on to her voice and tone more than her face. Although I do that now too.
Her clothes: never!

 

[beaneeboo]

So it seems it's quite common not to be able to take things in?

Yep that's the feeling I'm getting from other's posts which is comforting

Which makes sense if our brains are already dealing with trauma and everything else. Can't compute much more.

Hadn't thought of it like that... makes sense... I'm too focused inward I think

 

[Tinyflame]

@beaneeboo it reminded me I wanted to come back to this, though I'm short on time and not great finding words.

I don't visualize any one or thing well. Yet I can recognize easily if i know someone well. I can 'hear' or recognize a voice but not recall a face. I think @Teamwork used the word reboot which I find accurate. It feels like starting over all the time.

I think (for me) it's also just too much on my mind, vigilance, distraction, sense of safety or not (not relaxed in general). Shoes are easier to remember, obvious why that is so lol.

But most of all I wanted to say, years ago when things were rough I would come in to a place with many photos in frames. Two I can see, ~more or less, one alive person, one deceased in my minds eye at any time. They became comforting because it took about 15 years before I realized I associated the pictures with a feeling of hope (very rare, and intangible). Hope that things would be ok and work out. And a sense of calm/ safety at that moment.

Hope that helps.

 

[Friday]

If you remember/recognize most faces easily, that won’t be face blindness.

Not being able to form/file new memories correctly when your head is in the past would include a lot of other gaps (times, places, people, activities, plans, conversations, things you’ve written, appointments, etc.)… although there would likely be trends as to when/where/why that is happening… which would be useful to parse/pattern out, if it’s happening.

How about faces of people associated with your trauma history?
- Directly related / the people there at the time.
- Around at the time, but not involved in the traumas themselves.
- Supporting arena (therapists, doctors, people in the waiting room, etc.) at the time.
- Supporting arena (therapists, doctors, people in the waiting room, etc.) now, when you’re deliberately bringing up the past.

^^^
I’m wondering how much of your therapist blanking out is an avoidance symptom, since going TO him means dealing with trauma-schtuff? Some people’s minds wipe anyone/everything associated, or anyone/everyone associated in certain vectors.

***
Personally, no. I can forget people exist, but once reminded? I remember them the same way I remember everyone. As I’ve got an artists eye, that means not only as they are, now, but it’s like I’ve got age progression/regression software in my head. I can “see” people anywhere along the age spectrum, once I’ve seen them once. Ditto life circumstance. Thin, fat, healthy, sickly, relaxed, enraged, injured, excited, climates, cultures, whatever. A few dozen to several score of variations. So I add “people” to my ADHD list of too much info flooding in to “push away” attempt to notice as little as possible. It’s like anti-mindfulness. I. Do. Not. Need. thousands of data points flooding me, every second, of every day. The few hundred that slip are too much, already. But that’s how my brain works. It’s a sponge. Noticing everything. Without the filters neurotypical people have. And then playing with all the variables. So I block out / blur out, as much as possible.