Sufferer New here; PTSD from military; starting therapy

[Undavnted]

I’ve never considered myself much of a rational thinker. Math is my lifelong enemy and I’m a nurse so I had to battle it during school, lol. My strong suit is English & literature which comes in handy when researching my mental health struggles. There are so many great books that really helped me understand that I’m not alone. The Body Keeps the Score & What Happened to You are in my top two (my PTSD is due to childhood abuse). There’s a lot of information out there but you can kinda sift through it & find out what resonates with you.

History buff here lol. I'm currently reading a book called "Complex PTSD" by a Pete Walker. I can only read a little at a time because he says things here that are giving name to things I experience, and it kindof overwhelms me how there really is an entire vocabulary for these things I'm going through. Which means there's ways to navigate it. I have the body keeps the score book too actually, but I haven't read it yet. Even a small number of pages can be enough to sit on for days.

 

[NicoleMarie]

History buff here lol. I'm currently reading a book called "Complex PTSD" by a Pete Walker. I can only read a little at a time because he says things here that are giving name to things I experience, and it kindof overwhelms me how there really is an entire vocabulary for these things I'm going through. Which means there's ways to navigate it. I have the body keeps the score book too actually, but I haven't read it yet. Even a small number of pages can be enough to sit on for days.

I’ve read Pete Walker’s book & it’s great !! Gabor Mate is another author worth reading, but he also has a lot on YouTube that might interest you. When I was first diagnosed I thought, PTSD ?? Really ?? I’m not a soldier. Plus the bulk of my career has been working with patients with mental illness & I didn’t have the sense to know I had a very serious one myself ?? Geez. That’s where journaling came in handy. I recommend it highly. Putting everything I’m thinking, feeling & experiencing down in black & white forces my brain to sort everything out instead of having it just floating around up there.

 

[Undavnted]

I’ve read Pete Walker’s book & it’s great !! Gabor Mate is another author worth reading, but he also has a lot on YouTube that might interest you. When I was first diagnosed I thought, PTSD ?? Really ?? I’m not a soldier. Plus the bulk of my career has been working with patients with mental illness & I didn’t have the sense to know I had a very serious one myself ?? Geez. That’s where journaling came in handy. I recommend it highly. Putting everything I’m thinking, feeling & experiencing down in black & white forces my brain to sort everything out instead of having it just floating around up there.

I really need to try journaling. I'm such a chatterbox to myself though, I'd end up writing a dozen pages per day. At least!

 

[NicoleMarie]

I really need to try journaling. I'm such a chatterbox to myself though, I'd end up writing a dozen pages per day. At least!

Well I made it sound good, but I randomly type thoughts I don’t want to forget into my notes app on my phone. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone but me

 

[Freida]

Howdy!

Ya - I did the military hospital crap too - it sucked. Not my only drama in the military, but it led to it's own section of ptsd, so ...ya. I get it.

. I don't mean to be a whining person.

took me a long time to get past this ^^^ that anytime I talked about how I felt I was just a pathetic whiner. Took hubby saying to me "you spend more time whining about not wanting to be seen as whining than you do whining about your ptsd in the first place!!!"

Took a few reads thru the sentence to figure out he was right

Glad you are doing emdr - it's been fantastic for me. But. It's also exhausting - so it's ok to give yourself time to be tired.

I'm always doubting myself, like there's a voice inside telling me I'm "just being overdramatic". *sigh*

As you go thru peoples diaries you're gonna see this is super, super common for many of us. I sometimes think it should be one of the ptsd criteria because ya, been here, still sometimes do this!

It feels good to be able to admit I've suffered a disgrace. It's... validating.

Yes it is! The best thing about this place is you are surrounded around people who just get it, who understand the struggle, who know exactly what you are going thru. And that has been an amazing part of my recovery journey.

 

[Freddyt]

Welcome @Undavnted !!

But this doesn't work like normal, physical things.

No it sure as hell does not. But you can learn to manage it day to day. And this place is fantastic because whatever weird places you go - someones been there before, and found their way back.

 

[lisa67]

See, that's all so new to me. Something changing, unstable, non-rational. I'm used to everything wanting to make sense. Math, straight lines. But this doesn't work like normal, physical things. I'm so glad to hear that this is something other people understand. The idea of doubting your own suffering, while literally suffering. Even mentally torturing yourself and then not believing you're in pain, or that one's pain is legitimate. It's downright bizarre.

Hi and welcome. I'm about 7 sessions in with EMDR . Unfortunately having to pay privately as a year in ,I'm still on the NHS waiting list. There's lots if support here and I've found it invaluable. I wish you well on your healing journey

 

[Undavnted]

Howdy!

Ya - I did the military hospital crap too - it sucked. Not my only drama in the military, but it led to it's own section of ptsd, so ...ya. I get it.

took me a long time to get past this ^^^ that anytime I talked about how I felt I was just a pathetic whiner. Took hubby saying to me "you spend more time whining about not wanting to be seen as whining than you do whining about your ptsd in the first place!!!"

Took a few reads thru the sentence to figure out he was right

Glad you are doing emdr - it's been fantastic for me. But. It's also exhausting - so it's ok to give yourself time to be tired.


As you go thru peoples diaries you're gonna see this is super, super common for many of us. I sometimes think it should be one of the ptsd criteria because ya, been here, still sometimes do this!



Yes it is! The best thing about this place is you are surrounded around people who just get it, who understand the struggle, who know exactly what you are going thru. And that has been an amazing part of my recovery journey.

It's so true. I do a lot of fighting to ignore the inner critic. I didn't even realize that since the stuff I talked about, I haven't really been the same person. I'm so relieved to hear that others deal with this obsessive self-doubting, self-interrogating, self-criticizing thing. I can be having a good day, and that voice is like "Aren't you supposed to be suffering??" and if it's a bad day, it's the reverse, being like "Stop being a crybaby!!"

A little about me I guess... I became very religious after everything happened, and I'm happy to have found some peace times of prayer and meditation. That alone took me years of being mentored to to sluff off the "tyrannical angry God" complex, which was its own can of worms. The Catholic Church calls it "scruples" and it's like OCD but for religious-related anxieties. I don't mean to wave religion around or anything.... but along the way of that^ my priest was like "You should find an EMDR-specialized therapist. This is a job for a professional." and that's a big part of what got me to seek treatment.

...To those who have suffered at the hands of abusive clergymen, I don't mean to offend, and I greatly mourn your sufferings.