Relationship PTSD friend blocked me

[Ptsdpal]

Yeah, the hookups were not the best decision but he was definitely the one pursuing that even though he initially told me he couldn’t do that I have never done anything like that and have been with one person my entire adult life. Grief makes people do crazy stuff and I guess while others would be drinking or drugging, I tried another path.
But, like I said, it was not the crux of the friendship. Most of the time we just talked about everything. Work, helping promote his work, helping him possibly get certified so he could work with me, jokes, our aging parents, pets.
We pretty much talked like very close friends, especially when he hit depressed mode. And then he shared now he didn’t find any joy in anything. Nothing made him laugh. He was just existing.
I know the feeling and I told him he was allowed to feel it and I wouldn’t try to cheer him up because that’s an insult because you can’t just cheer depression out of someone. I did what every therapist has always suggested for friends and asked if there was anything I could to make things easier for him. I made a phone call for him to inquire about a work certification for him. I knew he hated phone calls and so I called for him.

I invested a lot into the friendship, maybe to the point of neglecting my own needs at one point, and now I’m left feeling empty and confused.

Like the friendship wasn’t one sided. Many times he would text first. We would take turns sending good morning texts. He would check on how I was doing with my grief. I would see how he was handling his depression or if he had a nightmare. We were so open with each other. We even talked about things some people don’t share with all friends like his ibs problems and my chronic constipation over the years like those topics can be uncomfortable but we felt comfortable enough to share them with one another.

I wish he would tell me how he feels. Like how does my friendship even begin to stop him from finding a girlfriend?
And did he retreat and restrict me as a PTSD response? Did he feel overwhelmed by closeness? Did he start to get suspicious and wonder if he could really trust me? Like is he now regretting how much he opened up?

 

[Workingonit]

From sweet, to annoyed, to irritated, to the door slammed in your face, to them up and leaving to go be miserable & happy/fine/well anywhere else.

This 3 times now. Fking this. And its worse than you think. And if he has a reason to take it out on your husband, legitimate or not... You are really playing with fire.

 

[Ptsdpal]

Yep.

Full stop.

As evidenced by the fact that he blocked you.

Giving space to someone with PTSD? IS a loving act. The same way you would give space to someone puking in the toilet, instead of bringing them plate after plate of delicious food… and getting more and more violent rejections to doing so. From sweet, to annoyed, to irritated, to the door slammed in your face, to them up and leaving to go be miserable & happy/fine/well anywhere else.

You’re in the door slammed in your face part.

Next stage of being pushed away? Is worse.


Maybe. Maybe not.

What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.

I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?

 

[Flying Dove]

Ruminating is not helpful in these situations. When relationships etc are not working for me my first action is to look at me how I am vulnerable stressed lacked boundaries or knowledge. Forgive yourself. Let this be a so called teaching moment.

 

[Workingonit]

What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.

I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?

The heart wants something that the brain knows is toxic is how i understand it. He is being torn apart from the inside. The brain always wins. You are probably hurting him.

 

[Ptsdpal]

The heart wants something that the brain knows is toxic is how i understand it. He is being torn apart from the inside. The brain always wins. You are probably hurting him.

If that’s what it is, it will pain me but I’ll give him time to let him work through it.
The friend who dated him said he told her he likes to play games with people and make them think of why he did things. And it stems from feeling controlled in the navy.
she was much younger, though.
I’m older than him and one day he told me something lame about not having to be told he’s loved. And I let it slide for a while and then later that night I told him I’m older , he might be able to tell young women that story but I don’t buy it. Who hurt you? And he told me alllll about it. I think he felt really comfortable telling me lot of stuff.

We open up about a lot. Maybe he did start to feel attached and now he needs space.

 

[Workingonit]

If that’s what it is, it will pain me but I’ll give him time to let him work through it.
The friend who dated him said he told her he likes to play games with people and make them think of why he did things. And it stems from feeling controlled in the navy.
she was much younger, though.
I’m older than him and one day he told me something lame about not having to be told he’s loved. And I let it slide for a while and then later that night I told him I’m older , he might be able to tell young women that story but I don’t buy it. Who hurt you? And he told me alllll about it. I think he felt really comfortable telling me lot of stuff.

We open up about a lot. Maybe he did start to feel attached and now he needs space.

You are trying to figure out something that you cant relate to. Let me tell you how these things effect me. The first two seem to alternate as sweet slips away.

-sweet

I am 100% committed. Your wish is my command. I will plan my life around you. The friends you dont like i dont like. You are my sun my stars and my moon.

-annoyed

Something will happen. It will probably be stupid. I will blow it way out of proportion and think i did something. Why did you reject me? I will fixate on it for a while and then move on. Earlier in my life it was bad, as i got older i learned ways to cope on my own. Mostly ignoring it, internalizing. Talking about it with your significant other is almost always bad in my experience.


-to irritated

Like annoyed only more intense. It is at this point where i start having trouble with breathing, panic attacks, Throwing up some/most mornings. Serious sleep issues. Going for days without sleep from adrenaline dumps and then crashing from exaustion for who knows how long.

-to the door slammed in your face

This is when i will get dangerous if i am going to get dangerous. Always sick. Sleep schedule nonexistent. Cant breath. I hate everybody. So sick of people. All they do is hurt me and use me and no matter how hard i try i cant get it right.

-leaving to go be miserable & happy/fine/well anywhere else.

Reset/rebuild now that ive removed the stressors i can function again.

 

[nursenurse]

Find me a brick wall to hit my head on. If I were your hubby you would be out on the curb. None of this is okay, the blinders are on. If this is paining you then you are the problem. Get some therapy, if your marriage is that bad, deal with it, fix it or dissolve it. Your “friend” does not need you or your mess. You. Are. Currently. Married. With. Kids. Baggage central. And something someone with PTSD does not need. Or anyone else for that matter. Zero excuse on your part. (Exits stage left).

 

[Workingonit]

I was always on your husband's side of this love triangle but I can tell that on my best days I am a hell of a boyfriend. Making you happy is all-consuming. On my worst days, the only reason I'm not in prison is because I love my daughter more than I hated her moms boyfriend. My advice would be to back away, slowly and as nicely as you can and quit playing around with combat veterans with ptsd. We are dangerous and in your situation potentially to you, your husband and possibly even your kids. There is literally no telling. ESPECIALLY if he has developed it recently.

 

[Movingforward10]

I don’t see this as PTSD but a guy trying to limit being hurt by you. this is not a friendship. This is an affair. Emotional one. Sexual one. And he is single. And wants love, and care, and respect, and understanding. You want to feel good about yourself and have an escape from your marriage and parenthood.
this is likely to sound judgey, but reading it sounds like you want things from him you aren’t getting at home. And now you’re sad he is protecting himself,
best bet: walk away and focus on why you are doing this as opposed to why he is.

 

[Workingonit]

I don’t see this as PTSD but a guy trying to limit being hurt by you. this is not a friendship. This is an affair. Emotional one. Sexual one. And he is single. And wants love, and care, and respect, and understanding. You want to feel good about yourself and have an escape from your marriage and parenthood.
this is likely to sound judgey, but reading it sounds like you want things from him you aren’t getting at home. And now you’re sad he is protecting himself,
best bet: walk away and focus on why you are doing this as opposed to why he is.

I was almost him once in my life. About two years after i got back,, maybe 3. The self loathing outweighed the need for someone, anyone before anything happened. I knew about him and their kids. I was desperate to not be alone. In a dark dark place. And focused all of my energy on her. It was wrong and I am very grateful I didn't go through with it.

I know the rules say not to overwhelm the chat with to many comments but this is hitting me hard, personally.

 

[Ecdysis]

For a married person you are way too involved. For his sake stay away, you are bringing drama to both your lives, PTSD or not. It isn't friendship, you are only kidding yourself and leading him on. Turn your attention to your marriage. Fix that. Because from the sounds of it, it ain’t all that and a bag of chips. And if it is doomed, then leave and get yourself in order and minus baggage before you find someone else.

This.

Find me a brick wall to hit my head on. If I were your hubby you would be out on the curb. None of this is okay, the blinders are on. If this is paining you then you are the problem. Get some therapy, if your marriage is that bad, deal with it, fix it or dissolve it. Your “friend” does not need you or your mess. You. Are. Currently. Married. With. Kids. Baggage central. And something someone with PTSD does not need. Or anyone else for that matter. Zero excuse on your part. (Exits stage left).

And this.

You are cheating on your husband. That's what you should be focussing on.
You're creating a huge mess and your PTSD "friend" is making the right call and trying to stay the heck away from it.
What you're doing is not caring or loving or supportive. It's selfish and you're hurting both your husband and your "friend".