LuckiLee
VIP Member
Leave the poor guy alone and concentrate on your marriage. You're not doing him any favors, only causing more stress. IMO.
Last edited:
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Why do,you need to communicate with peo0le on various platforms? The door is open to this situation occurring again with someone else. One thing I have learned-if I o0en a door I better be sure I can close it. Make a list of how the consequences of your actions can unfold- catastrophic thinking- the worst possible outcomes- then make an action plan..What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.
I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?
Within my family and close friends we send reels on Instagram and sometimes chat there and on Facebook messenger or by text, depending on where we are physically. It’s not a secretive thing. Sometimes it’s a cell service vs wifi thing. Or sending pictures that don’t come through on text.Why do,you need to communicate with peo0le on various platforms? The door is open to this situation occurring again with someone else. One thing I have learned-if I o0en a door I better be sure I can close it. Make a list of how the consequences of your actions can unfold- catastrophic thinking- the worst possible outcomes- then make an action plan..
Your husband knows all about this guy And your relationship with him?It’s not a secretive thing
I wish you well. I am not on Facebook Instagram etc. I want tohave control over what I expose myself too. Not just to deal with my ptsd but I have been seizure 9 1/ 2 years following a craniotomy for bacterial meningitis of my brain. It took more than medication to achieve this.Within my family and close friends we send reels on Instagram and sometimes chat there and on Facebook messenger or by text, depending on where we are physically. It’s not a secretive thing. Sometimes it’s a cell service vs wifi thing. Or sending pictures that don’t come through on text.
Hi I’ve followed along and want to say to this part above, which I believe is related to PTSD and like others have said:What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.
I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?
I'm not the best person to discuss romantic entanglements as I am aromantic and polyamorous. I don't understand the concept of monogamy and never have - but if it were me, I would not be comfortable having sex and being friends with someone who is lying to their spouse about our relationship. Polyamory doesn't mean cheating. The cheating part is the lie, not the sex. I would presume that he is likely tangled up about this, and searching for ways to disengage without causing you more pain.Did he feel overwhelmed by closeness? Did he start to get suspicious and wonder if he could really trust me? Like is he now regretting how much he opened up?
Thank you! It does. I think I went about it all wrong because my experience with family with PTSD from a traumatic labor was much different than this. So I hovered and sent daily messages and tried to keep my friend engaged in talking about how he felt each day (depressed, finding no joy, frustrated) but the reality is it’s Christmas time and maybe he wanted a better way to keep in contact without the persistent messages. He could log into other platforms when he was up to it.Hi I’ve followed along and want to say to this part above, which I believe is related to PTSD and like others have said:
He explained a few times that this is what he needs. It doesn’t matter if he calls it space or restricted. Plus possibly you being married is where restricted term came from. You’re not all access and maybe he does want that but it doesn’t matter.
I can’t explain to my friends why I gotta block them sometimes. But I did take the time to explain when I get explosive triggered I must disengage and I might block you temporarily.
Anyone who can’t deal with this - can’t deal with me right now and that’s a hard line. As an example: if I’m vomiting and having migraines and seizures or even just a ton of depressive thoughts. I won’t be able to care about what some of my friends contact me about. If they need me it adds to my stress and makes me resent them contacting me. For me in this case blocking them is like closing and locking the door after friends and family leave.
How I manage myself is for me. Also many friends asked more questions and I explained and said if it’s an emergency contact me this “x” way. And select few have this option
I’ve since also started using the focus profiles on my iPhone to limit who can contact me when
Hope this helps!
So maybe I’m in the wrong because I never considered this an affair. Temporary lapse in judgement but not an ongoing affair of sexting and pledging undying love to one another, plotting me leaving my family. He didn’t want that, I didn’t want that.Not sure I'm following but ...
You are married and having an affair with a vet with ptsd who isn't making good choices on what he wants in his life.
You want to help him (which is admirable) but you have no intention of leaving your husband.
You encourage ptsd guy to stay in your life, giving him support and friendship and sex, but you won't let it go any further because you are married. So you want him to be there for you to talk to and to fill a void in your life (possibly thinking you are helping others?) but you are still limited on how this relationship can progress, because, again, you are married.
How do you see this playing out in the long run? And please understand, I'm not being judgemental - truly. I'm just curious. As a vet I have helped many of my male vet friends thru these kinds of things (minus the sex) over the years and yes, the relationships were intense. But my husband ALWAYS knew what was going on. I always gave him updates on how the guys were doing, what we were talking about, how it helped me to help them. I never hid a phone call from him, and sometimes would even say "hey hubby says Hi" even though they had never met him. And I made them do the same with their girlfriends and wives. I heard their voices and made sure they knew their guy was talking with another women.
Why?
Because a big part of ptsd comes from a lack of being able to trust others. So if the person trying to "help" isn't trustworthy in their own life, how would they possibly help me learn to trust others?
It could just be that one day he woke up and realized that he was having an affair with a married woman and he couldn't cope because he knows how it feels to be on the other end of that. So he has removed himself from the line of fire.
I guess the bigger question is - what does your husband think about all this?
Or are you hiding it from him? And if so, why?