Relationship PTSD friend blocked me

What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.

I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?
Why do,you need to communicate with peo0le on various platforms? The door is open to this situation occurring again with someone else. One thing I have learned-if I o0en a door I better be sure I can close it. Make a list of how the consequences of your actions can unfold- catastrophic thinking- the worst possible outcomes- then make an action plan..
 
Why do,you need to communicate with peo0le on various platforms? The door is open to this situation occurring again with someone else. One thing I have learned-if I o0en a door I better be sure I can close it. Make a list of how the consequences of your actions can unfold- catastrophic thinking- the worst possible outcomes- then make an action plan..
Within my family and close friends we send reels on Instagram and sometimes chat there and on Facebook messenger or by text, depending on where we are physically. It’s not a secretive thing. Sometimes it’s a cell service vs wifi thing. Or sending pictures that don’t come through on text.
 
Within my family and close friends we send reels on Instagram and sometimes chat there and on Facebook messenger or by text, depending on where we are physically. It’s not a secretive thing. Sometimes it’s a cell service vs wifi thing. Or sending pictures that don’t come through on text.
I wish you well. I am not on Facebook Instagram etc. I want tohave control over what I expose myself too. Not just to deal with my ptsd but I have been seizure 9 1/ 2 years following a craniotomy for bacterial meningitis of my brain. It took more than medication to achieve this.
 
What I don’t understand is the partial block. Like I’m “restricted” he said. He called it probation at first. I can’t text him but I can communicate via insta or Facebook.
I told him not to shut me out and he said he wasn’t shutting me out but this was my do not disturb.

I communicate with people on various platforms so I don’t understand this partial block. Like what’s the point?
Hi I’ve followed along and want to say to this part above, which I believe is related to PTSD and like others have said:

He explained a few times that this is what he needs. It doesn’t matter if he calls it space or restricted. Plus possibly you being married is where restricted term came from. You’re not all access and maybe he does want that but it doesn’t matter.

I can’t explain to my friends why I gotta block them sometimes. But I did take the time to explain when I get explosive triggered I must disengage and I might block you temporarily.

Anyone who can’t deal with this - can’t deal with me right now and that’s a hard line. As an example: if I’m vomiting and having migraines and seizures or even just a ton of depressive thoughts. I won’t be able to care about what some of my friends contact me about. If they need me it adds to my stress and makes me resent them contacting me. For me in this case blocking them is like closing and locking the door after friends and family leave.

How I manage myself is for me. Also many friends asked more questions and I explained and said if it’s an emergency contact me this “x” way. And select few have this option

I’ve since also started using the focus profiles on my iPhone to limit who can contact me when

Hope this helps!
 
Did he feel overwhelmed by closeness? Did he start to get suspicious and wonder if he could really trust me? Like is he now regretting how much he opened up?
I'm not the best person to discuss romantic entanglements as I am aromantic and polyamorous. I don't understand the concept of monogamy and never have - but if it were me, I would not be comfortable having sex and being friends with someone who is lying to their spouse about our relationship. Polyamory doesn't mean cheating. The cheating part is the lie, not the sex. I would presume that he is likely tangled up about this, and searching for ways to disengage without causing you more pain.
 
Hi I’ve followed along and want to say to this part above, which I believe is related to PTSD and like others have said:

He explained a few times that this is what he needs. It doesn’t matter if he calls it space or restricted. Plus possibly you being married is where restricted term came from. You’re not all access and maybe he does want that but it doesn’t matter.

I can’t explain to my friends why I gotta block them sometimes. But I did take the time to explain when I get explosive triggered I must disengage and I might block you temporarily.

Anyone who can’t deal with this - can’t deal with me right now and that’s a hard line. As an example: if I’m vomiting and having migraines and seizures or even just a ton of depressive thoughts. I won’t be able to care about what some of my friends contact me about. If they need me it adds to my stress and makes me resent them contacting me. For me in this case blocking them is like closing and locking the door after friends and family leave.

How I manage myself is for me. Also many friends asked more questions and I explained and said if it’s an emergency contact me this “x” way. And select few have this option

I’ve since also started using the focus profiles on my iPhone to limit who can contact me when

Hope this helps!
Thank you! It does. I think I went about it all wrong because my experience with family with PTSD from a traumatic labor was much different than this. So I hovered and sent daily messages and tried to keep my friend engaged in talking about how he felt each day (depressed, finding no joy, frustrated) but the reality is it’s Christmas time and maybe he wanted a better way to keep in contact without the persistent messages. He could log into other platforms when he was up to it.

I wished him a simple Merry Christmas and he offered a paragraph about what they ate and didn’t eat and what he was cooking for her parents.

The only other thing I am thinking of which you mentioned, that when you’re in a bad spot you can’t be there for your friends’ needs, maybe he was distancing himself because this was my first Christmas without my mom and his mother is sick right now. Maybe with all of that, he just needed a level of space between us so he could respond at his own comfort level.

I politely apologized for being overbearing with the way I show I care and told him I’ve been reading and educating myself on the topic.
I’ve taken giant step back in communication. And we will see what happens.
We had a good friendship and shared a lot about our lives. Brief romantic interaction, aside, the core of the friendship felt good.
I’ll give a wide berth and see if we can find a way to have a normal, healthy friendship.

Thanks for your insights.
 
Not sure I'm following but ...
You are married and having an affair with a vet with ptsd who isn't making good choices on what he wants in his life.

You want to help him (which is admirable) but you have no intention of leaving your husband.

You encourage ptsd guy to stay in your life, giving him support and friendship and sex, but you won't let it go any further because you are married. So you want him to be there for you to talk to and to fill a void in your life (possibly thinking you are helping others?) but you are still limited on how this relationship can progress, because, again, you are married.

How do you see this playing out in the long run? And please understand, I'm not being judgemental - truly. I'm just curious. As a vet I have helped many of my male vet friends thru these kinds of things (minus the sex) over the years and yes, the relationships were intense. But my husband ALWAYS knew what was going on. I always gave him updates on how the guys were doing, what we were talking about, how it helped me to help them. I never hid a phone call from him, and sometimes would even say "hey hubby says Hi" even though they had never met him. And I made them do the same with their girlfriends and wives. I heard their voices and made sure they knew their guy was talking with another women.

Why?
Because a big part of ptsd comes from a lack of being able to trust others. So if the person trying to "help" isn't trustworthy in their own life, how would they possibly help me learn to trust others?

It could just be that one day he woke up and realized that he was having an affair with a married woman and he couldn't cope because he knows how it feels to be on the other end of that. So he has removed himself from the line of fire.

I guess the bigger question is - what does your husband think about all this?
Or are you hiding it from him? And if so, why?
 
Not sure I'm following but ...
You are married and having an affair with a vet with ptsd who isn't making good choices on what he wants in his life.

You want to help him (which is admirable) but you have no intention of leaving your husband.

You encourage ptsd guy to stay in your life, giving him support and friendship and sex, but you won't let it go any further because you are married. So you want him to be there for you to talk to and to fill a void in your life (possibly thinking you are helping others?) but you are still limited on how this relationship can progress, because, again, you are married.

How do you see this playing out in the long run? And please understand, I'm not being judgemental - truly. I'm just curious. As a vet I have helped many of my male vet friends thru these kinds of things (minus the sex) over the years and yes, the relationships were intense. But my husband ALWAYS knew what was going on. I always gave him updates on how the guys were doing, what we were talking about, how it helped me to help them. I never hid a phone call from him, and sometimes would even say "hey hubby says Hi" even though they had never met him. And I made them do the same with their girlfriends and wives. I heard their voices and made sure they knew their guy was talking with another women.

Why?
Because a big part of ptsd comes from a lack of being able to trust others. So if the person trying to "help" isn't trustworthy in their own life, how would they possibly help me learn to trust others?

It could just be that one day he woke up and realized that he was having an affair with a married woman and he couldn't cope because he knows how it feels to be on the other end of that. So he has removed himself from the line of fire.

I guess the bigger question is - what does your husband think about all this?
Or are you hiding it from him? And if so, why?
So maybe I’m in the wrong because I never considered this an affair. Temporary lapse in judgement but not an ongoing affair of sexting and pledging undying love to one another, plotting me leaving my family. He didn’t want that, I didn’t want that.
And for 10-11 months we were purely platonic with no hint of anything inappropriate and we talked about everything! Our families and upbringing, ptsd, postpartum depression, grief, animals, food, nature even my husband and kids! And then we were talking more often and then it felt like every day so I gave him my number. He texted me that afternoon. I told him I’m an intense communicator. I text often with many friends. I gave full warning. He was okay with it. And matched my energy. It was after we started texting that he got more attached and admitted to thinking of me a lot. Andddd shortly after he wanted to go back to being only social media friends. And we had this kind of flip flop over a month or so where he wanted me to focus on my family, but send him nudes, but this friendship was “unfair” him, but “you’re so beautiful” and let’s get together, and then he was depressed and I was the only person who just let him be depressed without trying to cheer it out of him, just being a friend and letting him go through the motions.
I thought we had leveled into what seemed like a decent friendship of me helping him with his business and getting certification to do something new as a back up. He would check on my grief as holidays approached.
My husband knows I talk to a lot of veterans on social media as a result of the volunteer work I do with a service dog organization that places dogs with veterans and the visually impaired. It’s how I met this veteran and a bunch of others. Many of us involved have Instagram accounts for the dogs we have raised. Many veterans who are either waiting for or have received a dog, follow others in the community.
Husband’s opinion whenever I pour my heart into other people and don’t get it in return, whether female or male, gay or straight, is not to stress or overthink and just move on. This not the first time I’ve given a lot and had a door slammed in my face.

As for how I thought it would play out is I figured I would help veteran with job related stuff. He would get a job and get back out into the world, slowly. We would talk a little less often but still talk.

As of now, we are talking very casually on social media. I don’t even see him active that much so he may be totally withdrawn.

And for why I feel he should continue the friendship, well, I will be honest. He openly admitted how many married women he has been with. He swore he wouldn’t do it again but then did it, so maybe this is one of his destructive tendencies. Maybe he gets involved with married women or otherwise emotionally unavailable women for his own validation and it’s a vicious cycle he continues to repeat. I don’t know if he feels guilty or used. I can say I didn’t start out with the intentions of more than friendship. Obviously there are books and articles on why married people cheat and it’s not always a reflection of their marriage. For me, my grief made me more receptive to certain things.
But…he opened up a lot with me. Told me a lot I don’t think he tells others. And last time we were together, it was less physical and more talking. He hasn’t maintained friendships. He doesn’t have patience for people and their drama, he says. But he desperately wants to talk! He lives home with his parents and adult 40 something siblings (yeah, that’s something interesting) and I asked him who he spoke to on a daily basis and he said aside from his family, me!
Our mutual friend said he really has no one to talk to or people willing to listen.
So here he has me, more than willing to listen but someone he claims deep down he’s not comfortable with the situation and doesn’t know how it helps him find a woman of his own. I never prevented him from dating anyone! He wasn’t being strung along. I always had eyes peeled for a woman for him. I wasn’t trying to keep him for myself.

The only things I can possibly imagine are our friendship mimicked a relationship to him and prevented him from looking further. Or he really has feelings for me.
If he actually told me any of this, I wouldn’t be looking for clues elsewhere.

But I will say, his trust issues seem to be with establishments. He feels be was brainwashed by the military and civilians don’t respect him. He thinks people don’t do good things for others without an ulterior motive.
Sorry, I wrote way more than enough.
 
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