What Is Fawn?

[Workingonit]

Can someone explain what fawn mode is? Not trying to hijack. Sorry.

 

[Friday]

One of the 5F responses adrenaline often provokes

Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
Flop

Different, but similar to, a puppy begging forgiveness for being kicked.

 

[Rose White]

My understanding of it is that when a person is in a negative social situation that is very stressful their conditioned response (with the intention of managing the stress) is to focus on pleasing the other person to the exclusion of any other action.

 

[Sideways]

For me, the most helpful way of thinking about all the F responses is to take them back to their survival purpose.

So, flight: deer sees a lion and they run for their life. Physiologically, the brain has shut down all the immediately unnecessary organs (like all the digestive system), and diverted oxygen and blood to the muscles so they can run faster. Things like sight will change, to help facilitate this. A good ol’ burst of adrenaline will also be released to help the deer run faster than they usually can.

Fawn: this is where the prey sees the predator, and knows that they can’t outrun the lion this time. Instead, they turn themselves into something fantastically attractive. You see dogs doing this one a lot - one aggressive dog, and one dog with their head on the ground and their butt wiggling in the air, slowly pushing themselves closer to the scary dog in a display that’s more like “but I’m so cute and playful, wouldn’t you rather play (or have sex) than eat me…!?”

Physiologically, it’s actually similar to the flight response. The same Sympathetic Nervous System is activated, causing the same de-emphasis on non-critical processes (like digestive) and directing energy to pumping blood to extremities, etc. The brain is also hyperfocused on the immediate threat, and avoiding the conflict, to the exclusion of other more complex problem-solving thinking processes.

You get Fawn response a lot in people who have been stuck in abusive relationships for a period, for whom the best way to avoid the threat (for example, being beaten) was to placate their abuser.

 

[Rose White]

best way to avoid the threat (for example, being beaten) was to placate their abuser

Along those same lines, the abused person may become so enmeshed that they will sometimes mirror the abuser in as many ways as possible. I think this is like camouflaging by sending the message, “Look, I am so much like you, I am the same as you, and you wouldn’t attack yourself, would you?”

 

[Workingonit]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

[arfie]

in my personal psychosis, fawning is where i shower you with excessive compliments, scurry to grant your every wish, try to anticipate the wishes you forgot to ask and, while you're not looking, of course, sharpening the knife i plan to stab you with after i have sedated you with kindness.

on my radar, fawning is a creative psychosis which comes in allot of flavors.

 

[Workingonit]

I think this is what I do until the stress becomes to much. I give and I give until I break. But I can't be sure.

 

[Friday]

I think this is what I do until the stress becomes to much. I give and I give until I break. But I can't be sure.

Fawning often pairs with codependency …which has the PTSD oomph added to it by way of hypervigilance being focused on someone else, with life-or-death urgency/import, let’s us avoid what’s going on with us.

 

[Workingonit]

Fawning often pairs with codependency …which has the PTSD oomph added to it by way of hypervigilance being focused on someone else, with life-or-death urgency/import, let’s us avoid what’s going on with us.

Would codependency resemble driving 8 hours every single weekend for a year to just to spend time with her while working 50-60 hours a week? Being hyper protective and cutting anyone off that she didnt like or slighting her in anyway?

 

[Friday]

Those are things that can be either? Which, to my way of thinking, is a good thing… because the running joke in a lot of my relationships is “Some people call it codependent, but we call it TEAMWORK.”

Most basically? Codependency = not teamwork.

Teamwork, in psychobabble, is “interdependent”.

The article below has a fairly decent description.

Are You Codependent? Here Are the Key Signs of Codependency

If you consistently put the needs of others above your own and lead by self-sacrifice, you might be showing signs of codependency. Here are other signs.

psychcentral.com

 

[Workingonit]

I think i am definitely codependent based on that. But i dont drink(abusive alcoholic dad) and im not controlling(same). Maybe i am controlling in a different way. I internalize it as a failure but ive never tried to stop my significant others from going out or anything. My only rule was if you dont come home, dont come home. I guess that could be considered controlling? Maybe a coping mechanism. I never could stand night clubs and things like that.