thirteen0002
New Here
Last November, I went out to a bar with my cousin and her husband. I’m 21 my cousin is 26 her husband 28. I’d recently moved back home and they were my only friends. I got the vibe from her husband that he was into me. But he was very kind to me and she and him were all I had so I put the creep vibes aside. I got VERY drunk at the bar. This story is messy because I do not remember many details. I was in and out of consciousness. I remember the husband taking me to the car because I was shitfaced. He had had one shot that I know of. He was buzzed at most. Nowhere near my level. I don’t remember getting in the car but I remember that he was in the car with me. I was in the backseat and he was beside me. He didn’t go back to his wife after taking me to the car he got in. I remember laying on him my head on his shoulder, his legs propped up onto the console, and my legs up on the seat. I seriously can’t remember much it makes me sad. The next thing I remember. I’m not even sure but I know his hand was rubbing me. My clit through my shorts. I remember thinking “I guess this is happening” and then blacking out again. I don’t know what I did. If i made him feel like that was okay? I wish I could remember. I didn’t protest I had no control over myself. Just a few moments of consciousness. Eventually my cousin came to the car. Then I was in the front seat. Don’t remember getting in the front seat. Then we rode home. I stayed the night at their place I slept in their daughters room she was with a sitter. The husband texted me once I was in bed. “Thanks for the cuddles” or something. I just responded with “yeah I had a good night”. He asked if he could come to the room. At first I said yeah. Then he said his wife was a heavy sleeper no one had to know. Then I realized the weight of what was going on and what he was wanting and what would happen and I thought of my boyfriend and I said no. Not to come and that I wanted to forget tonight and just go to sleep. I shoved my jacket under the door frame to make it harder to open because there was no lock. I went to sleep. I woke up at 3am or so and realized someone was in the bed with me. It was him. I took a second and then calmly said his name. And asked him to go back to his room. He promised he didn’t do anything while I was asleep just “wanted to hold me.” I don’t know if I believe that. I told him it was fine just go back to his room. The next morning I woke up and showered and acted like everything was okay. He gave me a ride home. I immediately told my boyfriend leaving out the part where I initially agreed he could come to the room. We were long distance but he found a way to come to me immediately. He wanted to go right to my cousins house and beat her husbands ass but I begged him to give me the chance to tell my cousin. I wanted her to hear it from me. I didn’t want my whole family knowing. Later that day I told my cousin. She told me she’d been having dreams of her husband making a move on me. She said I wasn’t the first girl that’s told her things like this. But that she would always take his side and believe him. I was heartbroken. Since that day I have not seen him. I moved hours away within a month and told my mom and sister what happened. Part of me will always feel like it was my fault. Like I cheated. I wish I’d made more of a fuss. I wish I didn’t ignore his creepiness. I wish I didn’t get so drunk. I wish I could remember what all happened. I wish I didn’t initially agree that he could come to the room. All these things make me feel guilty and dirty and at fault. I think that how drunk I was alone is enough to classify it as assault. But I just think of that night every day. I can’t move past it. I hate myself. I can’t go back home and visit my family because he lives nearby. I won’t be able to go to family gatherings or holidays anymore. My whole life is ruined. And since I feel it’s such a grey area I don’t want to go around telling my whole family he assaulted me. His wife believes him. They have another baby on the way. Everyone loves him. They have the beloved young grandchildren. He does not treat her - my cousin - well I think he’s a narcissist. She expressed to me wanting to leave him but that he has all the money and she’s in debt and she doesn’t wanna lose her children in a custody battle. She’s only ever been in bad relationships. It’s just all so horrible. I hate that she dismissed me when I told her what happened. I don’t know what to do.
