What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Lady of Longbourn]

Malted milk?

 

[Marie E.]

Safe. Sat drinking a malted milk before bed

(((Hugs))) I got get some malted milk now lmao!! I'm happy you are feel good at the moment KP!! Linking Arms!!

 

[Iam]

Hope because I will find a way to heal the past and forgive myself for being unintentionally emotionally abusive. I suppose welcome to the real world. In a real world I am not perfect.

Maze, I recently went thru the same. I know I am a compassionate person. I thought I treated others well. Then my T pointed out last Oct that she thought that my husband and I had both been emotionally abusive to each other. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I realized she was right. I never meant to be. I was reacting to his hurting me.Thing is, I am much better for her having told me. My marriage is much better for admitting and apologizing to my husband and he to me.

Our traumas have caused us to act/react in ways we never wanted to. It's no excuse, only an explanation. The thing is, we don't have to continue. Even if we mess up again, which we probably will because we aren't perfect, today is a a new day, tomorrow is a new day and the day after.

Thank you for your honesty. I am glad you are committed to heal the past and forgive yourself. You deserve it and your determination will see you through.

 

[Iam]

Better today. My T session went well as I posted in my diary. I left feeling
more hopeful
more at peace
understood
even loved

 

[alixipain]

A COWARD NO MORE


I stand here ice cold with nothing on my face
For the first time you get to see the truth
This pitch darkness in my eyes reflects the empty
You know your truth about me
That I’m on-line chatting to women all hours of the night
The real truth is countless hours looking for a hand gun to buy
To USE!
You raze me; push every button that you can
Wanting to know how far you can push me
There is no need to do so, I’m tired of fighting
I can’t watch TV without being reminded
I can’t listen to music without losing my mind
Emotionally detached
Hell I’m just detached!
You ask every time what is my plans
Okay I will tell you
To get my tax return and buy a gun!!!
You ask what I am going to do with my life
I’m going to throw it away
Now you might ask why
The answer has been before you several times
At your feet begging f*ck PLEDING
For you to touch me!
Since you can’t find it within yourself to be a little bit compassionate
To the hurting
Find the compassion within yourself to know I tried
Hours of being on-line to find answers to help myself
Hours of remembering, hours of reliving it all in my dreams!
Hours of waking in a cold sweat
For the cold reality stares right back into my face
Your eyes staring back at me in horror
With rejection
A rejection I can’t take!
I try to do what makes me happy
N’ you do everything in the world to make me feel guilty about it
What’s the f*ckING use in trying to be happy?
I used to bury a razor into my flesh to feel happy
I used to submit myself to my abusers
N’ those that were like my abusers to feel happy
I used to drive needles into my flesh
To find a escape, an escape to happy
Those things used to harm so I turned to smoking and food
N’ now I’m guilty in trying to find pleasure in something besides SEX!
I so wish I was a woman like you sometimes
So I could be cold hearted to others
When they already are down, and feel good about myself
As they curl into a ball in a corner and cry
To be cold hearted to watch them cower to my stare of hate
I so wish I could be as cold as you
But I won’t be till I have my gun in hand!
I don’t blame you
I blame them!
I blame myself for trying and trying, and trying…
All I really did was prolong the conclusion.

~Thats how I feel!~

 

[cat]

Rejected, alone, sad
After the elation of my new granddaughter being born on Thursday, my daughter in law has said no visitors for at least 2 weeks. Although i understand why, i feel emotionally exhausted this morning, i cant even go to give my son a hug & I need one from him too!
Maybe its self pity i dont know, i just feel rubbish.

 

[xxarmywifexx]

hurt.
anxious.
confused.
tainted.

 

[KP the nut]

Malted milk?

Trade name Horlicks or Ovaltine similar to Milo

 

[Iam]

Rejected, alone, sad
After the elation of my new granddaughter being born on Thursday, my daughter in law has said no visitors for at least 2 weeks. Although i understand why, i feel emotionally exhausted this morning, i cant even go to give my son a hug & I need one from him too!
Maybe its self pity i dont know, i just feel rubbish.

I am sorry Cat. My T reminds me that being able to feel again, feel the lows also means I can feel the highs. It is sometimes scary because I worry that right behind the elation is the let down. You must so want to see your new granddaughter. To feel her in your arms. To be able to congratulate your son in person. Hang in there. You are one day closer to being able to do that. I so wish I had a time warp machine for you to be able to use.

(((HUGS)))
Lauren

 

[Iam]

A COWARD NO MORE

Hi Alixipain,

Oh I so hear and recognize the pain you are in. The total desperation, exhaustion and hopelessness. Please hang in there, because it does get better. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, FIND ONE! If you are CALL HIM/HER! Check yourself into the hospital. DO SOMETHING to keep yourself SAFE!

Now to be a little tough on you and I realize you won't like hearing it. Maybe I am wrong, but it sounds to me like you are basing your self worth, recovery and desire to live on the attitude and view point of another person. You will NEVER find peace in doing that. It just doesn't work Alixipain.

I know how hard it is to find self acceptance and self worth. I struggle with it constantly. Our abusers stole that from us. That is where your anger belongs, not turned inward on yourself or outward onto your friend. She can't save you. Turn your anger onto your abusers, hit a pillow, shout all the things you would have said to them if you could have. Go to the goodwill, by cheap dishes, take them home and throw them on the ground, shattering the anger that you feel inside. Your anger is righteous, it is healthy, you didn't deserve what was done to you. Your anger is healthy, but only if you direct it correctly. To direct it at yourself or someone who has not abused you will only cause more guilt, shame and despair.

Please keep yourself safe Alixipain. You deserve it. You deserve to love yourself, to feel good about yourself, to find peace. I am praying for you.

 

[Iam]

Feeling so much better today.

Quiet
Contemplative
Hopeful
Peaceful (I think, not sure)
Forgiven
Anxious that it won't last

 

[KP the nut]

Content
Relaxed
I may be feeling happy but it has been so long I've forgotten what it feels like