New Here - Beginning Therapy

[Vee Lagrome]

This thread should be renamed "Everyone learns about birth rape", haha.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

I didn't want to write anything, but I guess I need to speak...

After life-long sex abuse, including having been severely and repeatedly gang-raped, I have a great deal of difficulty with the term "birth rape".

In the aftermath of my rape traumas; I can verify what Anthony is saying. I have intense difficulties with "hands-on" exams by Drs., including severe suicidal ideation afterwards, too traumatized to get proper medical care, etc... While I have intense struggles to keep living after a medically-necessary exam or procedure, that is vastly different from rape.

I was also forced by an abuser to undergo abortions. The doctors honestly believed that it was for medical reasons. What the doctors did inside of me scarred my mind, body and soul... removing hope from me, as well as my loved babies. I was severely traumatized and have not recovered. It was horrific, painful, I begged them to stop but they couldn't once begun. Even though my babies were killed, and part of me was destroyed, the doctors intentions were to help me. I was not raped by the doctors or nurses who helped them.

To have a beautiful baby, living and in your arms... what a gift you have!
I'm so sorry the birth was traumatic, and necessitated people putting their hands inside you.
I know how severely that could effect me. I hope wonderful trauma therapists can help you deal with this birth trauma, and lessen its very horrific impact on your spirit and memories.

With love, compassion and tears,
Deer

 

[Nicolette]

I'm in the process of trying to divorce my son's father right now who played a major role in the birthrape. I can't get away from my biggest trigger (ex) and whenever I have to deal with him, the flashbacks start triggering each other and it's just one big cascade of anxiety and depression.

Would you mind clarifying this further please sywen. What did your husband do that you consider him "playing a major role" when I would have thought the doctors were treating you? Why is it him that triggers you? I do not mean to be intrusive but, like we have learned on here before, we can form incorrect views without all the information.

 

[cherryblossom]

I too have never heard the term birth rape before. I'd really like to hear more from you. I understand that this may all sound intrusive, but please know that we are only curious to find out the facts, and also to learn more about this.

Whatever the 'term' used, you were traumatised. I'm glad you've found a therapist that you 'click with'. Hopefully exploring all your feelings will help you come to some resolve, and help you to learn to manage your PTSD symptoms.

Regards
CB

 

[KP the nut]

I didn't want to write anything, but I guess I need to speak...

After life-long sex abuse, including having been severely and repeatedly gang-raped, I have a great deal of difficulty with the term "birth rape".

I also am struggling with the term birthrape.

I am pleased you are with us and have now found a T with whom you are comfortable. Please don't think I'm giving the third degree but I am curious and would like to help

Take care
KP

 

[Jade-]

I have avoided this thread since I saw the word 'birth rape'. Just seeing that word caused major panic. I was sexually abused by a doctor while giving birth and I thought OMG, someone was actually raped while giving birth??!!

I made myself read this thread anyway. And I was happy to read that it wasn't an actual rape.....as in the way I was thinking.

It does sound traumatic though, sywen, and I'm sorry you went through that. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Iron_Angel]

sywen, we're glad to have you here. I think you'll find it a very useful site, with much love, support and comfort. You'll already notice that we've become accustomed to dealing with our PTSD by questioning -- it's a typical therapy tool as well. Why are we having these emotions? What do we believe about them? What is true? What can we change?

That extends to helping others by questioning things they say as an aid to developing understanding.Often, we don't do it consciously, we just want to understand.

Many of us have never encountered that term "birthrape" before. Since the subject of rape is very sensitive to those of us who have experienced it, we react, of course.

Please know that no one is denying your feelings or your experience. We're just trying to understand it. From my just-now acquired knowledge of birthrape from a little research on the web, it is an abusive and unwanted violation of a woman's body while she is giving birth. Since we are in a vulnerable state at that time, often among strangers, having someone impose unwanted actions on us physically, can be traumatic, especially if they use any kind of force.

We're not talking about a doctor using proper birthing techniques such as forceps if they are warranted and he explains to the woman what is going to be done, and why it's necessary, gaining her permission. We are talking about much more violent and abusive methods, extending to slapping the woman, and being verbally abusive.

The use of the word "rape" in conjunction with birth is indeed controversial, and that is also what has been reflected in our exchanges above. There is a good explanation of the problem around the rhetoric or use of words on this topic here: [DLMURL="http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/should-birth-rape-be-recognized/"]http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/should-birth-rape-be-recognized/ [/DLMURL]
Strictly speaking, the connotation of the word "rape" can mean any violation, such as the rape of the countryside.

Regardless of what we call it, the act of abusing a woman during childbirth is still trauma-inducing, and can have the consequences we PTSD sufferers know only too well. That makes this forum the right place to be.

I am sure you will find compassion and coping mechanisms here, sywen. We're a good bunch.

 

[blueangel371115]

welcome.

 

[anthony]

Ok, looking at what sywen has said, about rape being defined as "by force", I then decided to go look into the meaning more carefully, and in only one instance online via Websters dictionary, does it state rape alone as meaning: "to seize and take away by force", HOWEVER; it also states that is an "archaic" term, which is defined as "very old word" and/or "no longer in use". Others define this usually as a last term to show existing meaning, not current.

So... whilst I understand those who had a traumatic birth may try to raise an archaic definition for the word "rape", one must also highlight, it is archaic for good reason, because the word has a more specified meaning now, which is also referenced immediately in Websters to point towards the current, accurate definition, being: "to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence".

Even dictionary.com state the archaic term last, clearly demonstrating the actual current definition of the term: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rape which is:

1. the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
3. statutory rape.

We all should know statutory rape is sexual acts with a minor.

If you said to me, the doctor started having sex with you, fisting, masturbating, etc etc... I would absolutely concur that the term rape would be accurate, but looking further into this, this seems a minority have taken a word in order to attract attention to an issue, which is, a traumatic birth experience. This does not lessen what you feel, but the misuse of wording for attention I quite honestly find disturbing.

This has already happened surrounding complex trauma, with dissociation, and look at the mess we currently have with half cocked physicians running around telling people they have DID (MPD) when they don't, all for fame, popularity and $$$. I honestly am a little disturbed with agenda angles, and I feel this is one of those.

Doctors have absolutely sexually assaulted patients, no doubt at all, but that is extremely clear sexual assault, no ambiguity. A doctor or nurse having to insert their hands or fingers inside you for birth is normal, and when things go wrong, ie. the patient starts having a panic attack or such, then the physicians have a legal responsibility to sedate or restrain you to save your unborn babies life, so yes... that is against your will if you start having some type of attack during birth, most likely due to the emotion held from previous actual rape identified.

This would be like a female saying, I went to the gynecologist, I lay back on the chair for what I knew was a vaginal exam, the doctor lay me back and then by nothing other than having to place the tools or finger within the vagina to assess, raped me. Yes, some gynecologists have actually sexually assaulted women as they have done an exam and started to do more than what was required, or begun to "get off" on the exam... that is clearly defined. But the majority, who do only what is essential to conduct the exam, this would be the epiphany of claiming rape for an actual medical exam.

I have tried to word things as carefully as possible to avoid issue. I apologise if I missed something or implied something I was not trying... I think the above is very clear on my opinion based on current facts for term definition.

 

[Nicolette]

If you said to me, the doctor started having sex with you, fisting, masturbating, etc etc... I would absolutely concur that the term rape would be accurate, but looking further into this, this seems a minority have taken a word in order to attract attention to an issue, which is, a traumatic birth experience. This does not lessen what you feel, but the misuse of wording for attention I quite honestly find disturbing.

This is also where my opinion lays from what I read on the term 'birth rape'.

 

[aatredes]

I have to put my 2 cents in here.

No matter what the trauma is termed, it is trauma nonetheless. To her, this was TRAUMA. I think getting nit-picky about the definition of "birth rape" is, really is off-topic and not at all helpful.

Trauma is trauma, symptoms etc. are the same. Can we put this to rest and try to help our fellow-survivor?

Has anyone read about my trauma...just asking, because it is highly unusual, and I certainly wouldn't want to be picked apart this way.

This is just my humble opinion ok?

 

[cherryblossom]

I don't think anyone is questioning that sywen has endured trauma, just that we are all interested in learning and understanding more about the term 'birth-rape'.