Hypervigilance

[cakey]

I didn't see any threads about it so why not make one. If this is in the wrong place or theres already a thread about it sorry for making this one.

I'm looking for some advice here. Well with my traumas(almost being shot, and sexual assault), I have serious trust issues and am constantly scanning for threats, tracking peoples behavior. Some nights I stay up holding a shotgun just waiting, for what I don't know right now but when it happens it makes sense, an attacker?

Sometimes I'll be talking to people online from other forums and they'll send me really weird metaphorical statements(artsy types), and more often then not they get interperated to a 'death-threat'. It's like the bright eyes lyric "If you don't understand something it's best to be afraid". I'll admit I lived somewhat of a seedy life as a minor, getting into "trouble" and what not...

But it's so hard for me to think people don't want to 'get' me. Does anyone else suffer from hypervigilance? If so what do you do to maintain it? I really, really wanna be able to get into a relationship with someone I think I love, but this always holds me back from opening up for three years now.

 

[Innordinate]

I always have an escape route. First thing I do when I go somewhere new or old is scan the exits, windows, doors. Does the room I'm in have a lock. Can i block it easily even if it does. Is it better to hide or run etc etc.
A lot of it centers around my children now. Could I get them out in time type thinking.

I think my therapists are trying to figure out if it's PTSD or another diagnosis.

The only way I can get rid of it is to read comics, watch cartoons - non violent stupid things or do stress relief excersises.

 

[Sethe]

Does anyone else suffer from hypervigilance?

I apologize in advance if I'm about to sound snarky, but did you just ask a PTSD forum if people are ever hypervigilant? To me, it is one of the cornerstones of the diagnosis.

Yes, I am hypervigilant. Yes, I plan escape routes. I consider locks. I consider ingress/egress. I consider as many possibilities as my brain will allow me. I run over ideas in my mind.

I hear EVERYTHING. MY head will swivel and I will turn my head to better hear the sound (so I can identify it in case I need to run).

I SMELL things that people cannot smell, sometimes the scent is so strong that I will ask people if they can smell it and sometimes they can't.

I consider everything on my person that could be used as a weapon.

I am READY for a fight. I go over plans in my mind.

Ok, maybe I'm just crazy.

 

[Sethe]

Sorry, I got caught up in the first part and forgot to answer the second part (I feel a Groucho joke coming on...).

I do a lot of self-talk (sometimes out loud). I also sing in the car- very therapeutic for me. I also try to do more with both sides of my body. I open doors leftie (even the left door), do more with my left hand- even write. I stretch. Basically, I try to relax my body and hopefully my mind when I feel that anxious. I concentrate on my heartbeat and try to sloooow it down...

I try to remind myself that I am in the year 2011 and that most of my fear is old or based on events that no longer happen. I am no longer married to an abusive narcissist bastard. I also tell myself that I am an adult now- I am no longer trapped.

I have been learning to parent my Inner Child, which helps when I feel 'young', helpless and trapped.

It's not easy at all. Some days, I just crash and burn. Some days are a little better. My T helps me put things in perspective so that I can work on building a healthier life. If you do not have a T who specializes in trauma therapy, I recommend one (had a few who weren't and the help was minimal at best).

 

[cakey]

@innordinate - I know exactly what you mean. Silly comical movies change everything. Watching those crime shows will shatter me for a few days(not that I watch T.V. much anyways).

@Sethe - Sorry I'm new to this whole thing. I really appreciate your post(s)! Can't afford a therapist or a psyche because I'm a student, so I'm trying to do this all on the grace of myself and some close friends.

I sing in my car too! Instead of concentrating on my heart-beat(pulses freak me out weird I know...). I focus on my breathing and try to imagine the cells in my body relaxing. Sometimes it works, sometimes I can't seem to focus.

I like the idea of reminding oneself that it's old, it's in the past. That's a great tip thank you for that. The inner child thing sounds valuable as well. Glad to hear your out of that bad relationship!

The worst part about the fear is the anger that builds from the frustration of it not being dealt with(tangled in self-induced alienation, self-repression, sensitivity, etc).

It's getting better and realizing that this is ''normal'' helps a lot. Maybe normal is a bad choice of word, but that this experience isn't unique and I'm not alone.Thanks again everyone. Lot's to think about and work on as always.

 

[njray]

It is official I am no longer a man... I really was never afraid of anything..... I am not a big guy by physical stature but as a self employed contractor I was always able to care physically for myself as there was nothing I could not do nor any confrontation I could not surpress by being just me and doing what I had to do....... That is until "it" happened from behind as I was truly caught off guard as who would ever attack a polite male contractor that way.....

I have to sit with my back against the wall to achieve almost any kind of a lessor anxiety, When I pass someone even in a home I always turn my head to make sure they pass completely . If I see a knife on the table I scan to see where all the knives are and is there one close to me I can use just in case. As I sit for dinner with the tv behind me If there is a certain click I hear along with a voice of a young man I turn quickly as I tense up. Is it the knife being opened just before the attack. I see harmless kids along the sidewalk outside wearing sweatshirts with there hands in the pockets of the garment... I glare them down or even walk across the street to avoid them. I never did that before I used to walk by them and always give a good parental nod and hello or what's up........ Now i Just sit and wonder. Can i trust anyone or even myself.... Will I have to always be on guard? I truly believe yes, cause whenever I put my guard down I shall be subject to attack. It could even be you and in the past I never would have thought that.

 

[track108]

I have combat ptsd. I know all about the feelings of safety, Whats my strategy here if someone starts shooting, nearest exit, what the f is that bag of trash doing there, is that a manhole cover or a antipersonel mine (<most recent). I also size up everyone i meet, from children to the elderly i dont trust anybody, but i tell myself, these people dont want to hurt me, this isnt going to happen, I also rub the top of my head it lets me know im really here in the present and doesnt look to crazy in public
charles

 

[angel2write]

Yeah- I have this whole little routine for approaching my car now. I scan the area from a distance, then look underneath, then hit my unlock button and check the trunk and back seats. Then I check the car beside the driver's door again, jump in quick and lock the doors. I bought a 100 lb Bullmastiff dog (Mary) so I could stop pacing from window to window and fretting when I'm home alone, but I still get a huge adrenaline reaction if I hear sounds at night. I always check the sheets for bugs before I get in, and the shower, and my shoes (I have a "slight" insect phobia), and I have to sit in a seat at restaurants to watch the exits. If any male gets within 20 yards of me I watch him like a hawk. I hate crowds because I can't watch everyone at once, plus people touch me.

Most people teach their kids to watch both ways before they cross the street, and not to talk to strangers. My kids have to talk through scenarios with me like what to do if someone walks into the McDonald's and opens fire, or how to respond if someone tries to abduct them in a public restroom. I probably have four of the most safety conscious kids on the planet!

Other than being an emergency preparedness queen (I was the only 3rd grader with a penlight flashlight, bandaids, matches, and safety pins in my pencil box), how do I deal with this? Well, I don't sleep with a firearm. But I do sleep with a white noise generator. It really helps drown out the sounds that startle me awake. I've slept much better since I started using it. And I got the dog, of course. I've studied self-defense and survival books and done a little self-defense training. I know that's mostly psychological, but psychology is important! I like music. Listening to music helps me turn my ears off and stop listening to strange noises or inner voices. But I still haven't figured out a way to stay calm in crowds.

I have the hypersensitive sense of smell, too. What's up with that?

 

[njray]

This is gross... the smell thing BO for me... The attacker jumped me from behind and put me in head lock and and he stunk !! I avoid persons wearing sweathirts with hoodies.....I loved wearing and working in them now I kinda cringe even thinking about them when I see someone wearing them I fist up but then my shoulder pain becomes more imtense then it already is. There was this click just prior to attack , I strongly believe it was the knife being locked open. When I hear that click I become TENSE... Do you know how many things click!

 

[Brontie]

I never thought of hyper-vigilance. Seriously. I have always lumped that type of action in with anxiety. Stationed with soldier hubby we used to get these family briefings about being aware of the dangers, things like checking under our car for… well you know what. We took all that in our stride. It was just the way things were in army life.

But today, it’s like it comes back to haunt me and I am continuously surprised by the knowledge that we actually lived like that. And you don’t get out of the habit of being vigilant. But, after army life, I put what I was feeling down to anxiety and therefore something that was worrying and bordering on depression and PTS.

I think this revelation might be considerably helpful to me. It might just seem like a small thing to some of you but this could help me in lots of ways. So much to let go of in order to heal. Reclassifying some of my perceived anxiety might just move things along. What if it is just a habit, being cautious, feeling anxious. I’m not in that situation anymore. So I’m asking myself, is it time to let go of this hyper-vigilance, this part of the anxiety. Or have I got it all wrong. Hope I haven’t gone off topic. I just got surprised by this idea.

 

[cakey]

Brontie I know exactly what you mean. Finding out I had PTSD instead of Paranoid Schizophrenia changed my life significantly for the better for this reason. I'm trying to work on hypervigilance lately. It seems like as soon as stress hits I become hyper vigilant even if it's scholastic stress. Somehow this leads to the silly idea of being followed, etc.

It's easy to let go of momentarily but it really is ingrained in me at least. I'm sure with time and conscious effort it will get better(it already has started too). Seems to come in cycles.

 

[Heather]

I have been learning to parent my Inner Child, which helps when I feel 'young', helpless and trapped.

I'm glad you said that. I really need to try and remember that. Maybe I'll pin it to my forehead and then carry a mirror around so I'll be able to see it.

I had a medical procedure done a few weeks ago and I hid on the table under my coat. My hands were covering my face. I wasn't an adult. I was a little girl.