Looking for support on a real bad day

[Susan Jane]

Hello everyone,
Even though I know it is up and down struggle today is a stop. I have been pulling myself out of a really difficult episode and today my energy to fight/accept/exercise/get outside is very low. I panicked of course, and then I listened to a meditation and tried some gentle yoga. I was so tired of calming myself down, that I feel asleep again and then woke up in a fog. It is so defeating. I am talking to myself, and saying this too will pass, and trying not to overreact to it. The sun is shining and I am watching the day move forward from my window. I do not feel I can engage today even though I promised myself last night I would.

I am trying to figure out my stressors, and think that my visit to my ex-husbands parents could have affected me. My son asked if I could go with him, and I said yes. I wanted to support him and also say goodbye. They are getting very old, and it might be the last time for me. Our relationship changed after my divorce, but they were like parents to me. Not great parents, feelings are not a thing that lives in their house, just rules and making sure the neighbors do not suspect anyone has any problems. They live two hours away but, they did help me with my son when he was little, people I could count on at times somehow. My ex decided to stop that and threatened them with not coming to see them if I visited. It was mean and cruel, but I cannot change him. I actually don't really think about him anymore. After the visit, I stayed with a friend two nights, close to their house, but had trouble sleeping. I got back home and feel down and tired. Okay maybe this affected me, but putting me back out of commission? Did I miss something?
Any ideas? Am I missing stressors that could put me back into this struggle?
Does wanting to support my son not work in this way? Now I feel ashamed of my present state, and am feeling lost in it. I am not feeling sorry for myself, just trying to understand and learn a better way to avoid these setbacks..Any words of wisdom for me out there?
Thanks for reading Susan

 

[arfie]

hmmmmmmm. . . my current brain fart is to go circus clown on you. maybe run a few laps around you on the kids' tricycle, honking my horn and goosing your hindquarters? lighten up, toots! ! !

okay, okay. . . beehaving now. i'm a beekeeper, so i mean it when i say i am beehaving.

Does wanting to support my son not work in this way?

it's end of school year for my 3 foster children, grades 6th, 3rd and kinder. the end of school awards, etc., have me running in circles and painting less than sincere smiles on my face in hopes of making them feel well supported. girl howdy i am feeling the wear and tear on my 70 year old bones and compulsively honest demeanor.

Now I feel ashamed of my present state, and am feeling lost in it.

ditto, but i am plying therapy tools to the shame and letting the lost feel remind me that rest is a productive activity. sometimes playing the clown is a productive activity, too. the cathartic release is tremendous.

 

[Susan Jane]

my current brain fart is to go circus clown on you. maybe run a few laps around you on the kids' tricycle, honking my horn and goosing your hindquarters? lighten up, toots! ! !

I smiled as you circled me arfie...I am really trying to lighten up...I freeze when this happens and everything gets tight and I freak.

painting less than sincere smiles on my face in hopes of making them feel well supported. girl howdy i am feeling the wear and tear on my 70 year old bones and compulsively honest demeanor.

Right? It is exhausting and ...I really didn't realize it would affect me.

ditto, but i am plying therapy tools to the shame and letting the lost feel remind me that rest is a productive activity

Thanks for your support, it embarrasses me to ask but...well yeah...Don't fall off that tricycle Arfie....:-)

 

[arfie]

it embarrasses me to ask but...well yeah...Don't fall off that tricycle Arfie....:-)

hey, falling off is half the fun, but my 70 year old bones keep nagging me not to break anything. even a tricycle is a longer fall than it used to be. these days, imagining the fun is funner than wasting energy on the actual fun. gossiping about the actual fun is even funner.

patience and whimsy might be my most important tools for surviving the aftermath of being supportive. a) rest is a productive activity. naps are divine, when possible. eat/hydrate well. b) a compassionate sense of humor is as a gentle salve as i have ever found. emphasis on, "compassionate." respecting the proof-available fact that 70 year old bones are fragile is a whole different joke than body-shaming, etc. letting myself whimsy out a silly rhyme or dance is a gentle stimulation. when i am fit enough to attempt humor, i know i am heading the right direction.

be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.

 

[Susan Jane]

Thanks for the kindness Arfie…I am sure I would not fall well of the tricycle either…60 with a bad shoulder

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Thanks for the kindness Arfie…I am sure I would not fall well of the tricycle either…60 with a bad shoulder

I always check the basics like is my hydration good, am I eating, etc. we all have off days but sometimes there are simple things that can pull us out of it. Laughter helps, watch Kingpin for some good laughs.

 

[Colleen McGuire]

Hello everyone,
Even though I know it is up and down struggle today is a stop. I have been pulling myself out of a really difficult episode and today my energy to fight/accept/exercise/get outside is very low. I panicked of course, and then I listened to a meditation and tried some gentle yoga. I was so tired of calming myself down, that I feel asleep again and then woke up in a fog. It is so defeating. I am talking to myself, and saying this too will pass, and trying not to overreact to it. The sun is shining and I am watching the day move forward from my window. I do not feel I can engage today even though I promised myself last night I would.

I am trying to figure out my stressors, and think that my visit to my ex-husbands parents could have affected me. My son asked if I could go with him, and I said yes. I wanted to support him and also say goodbye. They are getting very old, and it might be the last time for me. Our relationship changed after my divorce, but they were like parents to me. Not great parents, feelings are not a thing that lives in their house, just rules and making sure the neighbors do not suspect anyone has any problems. They live two hours away but, they did help me with my son when he was little, people I could count on at times somehow. My ex decided to stop that and threatened them with not coming to see them if I visited. It was mean and cruel, but I cannot change him. I actually don't really think about him anymore. After the visit, I stayed with a friend two nights, close to their house, but had trouble sleeping. I got back home and feel down and tired. Okay maybe this affected me, but putting me back out of commission? Did I miss something?
Any ideas? Am I missing stressors that could put me back into this struggle?
Does wanting to support my son not work in this way? Now I feel ashamed of my present state, and am feeling lost in it. I am not feeling sorry for myself, just trying to understand and learn a better way to avoid these setbacks..Any words of wisdom for me out there?
Thanks for reading Susan

Hello Susan Jane,
Please let go of any guilt. I think that supporting your son was really wonderful, important, and meant (more than you realize) to your son! So, I hope it was worth it to you! Now, just figure out whatever will help you feel better, right? You did a courageous thing for all the right reason's! Be proud of yourself.I think it is really necessary to keep pushing oneself and not give in to apathy! Please, stay involved for your son (and yourself) as much as possible. Do you have any support system? I cannot image how I would survive without my therapist! If you are alone on this journey, find a way to get someone to share this journey with, is Key. One of my, most helpful things that I do when I feel completely depleted physically, emotionally, and down on myself is: watch "Britins ( I am having brain free, at this moment) I trying to spell the Country.) You Got Talent".It will make you feel, not so alone! It will definitely cheer up your day! It possible, simply, try it! Keep us posted!Colleenkay

 

[Joey Bones]

Sometimes we don't have all the answers but it's still important to recognize where we are at the moment and go gentle on ourselves. Recovery is not linear. Sounds like the last day or two has been hectic and you needed a recharge. Go gentle on yourself.