It has been a while since I have posted anything. I've been busy with all kinds of medical appointments and grieving the loss of my sister. My sister was 53yo and my family took it pretty hard. I really miss her. Sometimes I get out my phone to send her a text but then realize I can't. Sometimes I feel like heading down the street to her apartment not too far from mine only to remember I can't. This came within a year after my near fatal motor vehicle accident which is what brought on my PTSD symptoms. Currently I have a provisional diagnosis of PTSD. To further complicate things my sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My anxiety is so bad and my internal dialogue can be really bad. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I would end up being diagnosed with schizophrenia. My situation is complicated. Perhaps all of us feel that our situations are complicated. Maybe we are all experiencing complicated yet unique experiences as we navigate through all of this.
The cause of my sister's passing was due to a heart condition. I have since been diagnosed with that same heart condition. It is looking like it is a genetic heart condition called LongQT Syndrome. Due to having been in bed for the better part of a year recovering from my accident, and dealing with my weight along with my heart condition, I get around on an electric wheelchair.
I live in a pretty rough neighbourhood. My government has made the mistake of making what they call "safe drug supply" available to those with addiction. This policy has only made our streets increasingly unsafe. There are so many people out there in a mental health crisis and as a result many have unpredictable behaviour. Not only that but I sometimes encounter people who feel I am not in need of accommodation. I sometimes get around with just my cane. I remember being yelled at by half the bus because I refused to get up off my seat. They started calling me racist because of it. I had one guy tell me to get off his land. Which is ironic because I am Native. I am a white passing Native and am living on my traditional territory and whoever this guy was he wasn't a cousin so he wasn't from here. So I told him that he had no right to tell me to get off my land. This is my land. Well, he was the only one with the sense to at least apologize. But it doesn't matter if you are Black, White, Native, Asian.... whatever, if you need accommodation on the bus you have every right to access that accommodation. Because my injuries resulted in my left arm being broken in 3 places and my muscle on my right arm being pulled, it wasn't safe for me to stand while the bus was in motion. Then because of my heart condition I started using my electric wheelchair. You know people still glare at me when I'm on the bus as if to be asking why I'm in a wheelchair. As if they are saying I am lazy and just taking up space that others need. While not considering that I too have needs. That I too am just barely getting by. If people could just be kind to others.
While I have been getting around on the bus, people continue to be unsafe. They don't hold on to the bus when the bus or the train is in motion. At any minute the bus or train could make a sudden stop and they would just fall right onto me and hurt me in the process. I just want to be safe.
The other day there was a person with a scooter that got on the bus. It is policy that on the side the scooter was on to be buckled or secured. The bus driver refused to follow policy. It was causing my anxiety to increase. And then after the person with the scooter got off there was a lady with a manual wheelchair that got on the bus. Again, it is policy to secure mobility devices. If the bus comes to a sudden stop for whatever reason that scooter or that wheelchair could go flying and it places me and others on the bus at risk. Like sure, the person with the mobility device is fine but I'm not. The whole reason why I had my motor vehicle accident was because of unsafe decisions the other driver made while I was the one who took full blame in the accident because I couldn't prove they were distracted on their phone and speeding. Everyone was saying how I did a U-turn. Thankfully there was dash cam footage because otherwise Workers Compensation might have ruled that I was negligent in the accident but thankfully Workers Compensation ruled in my favour. However, everyone else wanted to crucify me and not even consider the driving behaviour of the other. This is why I feel I am just not doing well. It doesn't matter how safe I am because I feel like every day my life is danger not because I'm not being safe but because others are not being safe.
At this rate I might end up becoming a recluse and I might be struggling with or fighting agoraphobia because I don't feel safe outside of my apartment right now. And yet, if I want to maintain some function with my mental health I have to push myself to leave my apartment, otherwise I might not ever leave my apartment.
And all of this because others are not safe and place the safety of others at risk. And all because there is an increasing number of people with unpredictable behaviour because my stupid government thought it was a great idea to provide drugs to people who need help getting off drugs and need help with social support and with housing but who cares as long as they get a safe drug supply let them all be homeless and overdosing on the street. I don't think there is a day that goes by where I don't see somebody either displaying erratic behaviour or overdosing on drugs. I never used to be afraid living in the area I do but I can't physically defend myself as well as I used to and so I feel significantly more vulnerable. I need to find a safer area to live.
The only good news is that I finally gained access to a diagnostic assessment and I just completed the process. I am now waiting for the Psychologist to make an appointment to go over the diagnosis. He is pretty certain I have 1 or more clinical diagnosis. I'm not worried about whatever diagnosis is given. I am relieved to finally be getting one. Maybe the actual diagnosis will help me find more suitable living arrangements. Maybe I'll be able to find a safer place to live. I hope.
The cause of my sister's passing was due to a heart condition. I have since been diagnosed with that same heart condition. It is looking like it is a genetic heart condition called LongQT Syndrome. Due to having been in bed for the better part of a year recovering from my accident, and dealing with my weight along with my heart condition, I get around on an electric wheelchair.
I live in a pretty rough neighbourhood. My government has made the mistake of making what they call "safe drug supply" available to those with addiction. This policy has only made our streets increasingly unsafe. There are so many people out there in a mental health crisis and as a result many have unpredictable behaviour. Not only that but I sometimes encounter people who feel I am not in need of accommodation. I sometimes get around with just my cane. I remember being yelled at by half the bus because I refused to get up off my seat. They started calling me racist because of it. I had one guy tell me to get off his land. Which is ironic because I am Native. I am a white passing Native and am living on my traditional territory and whoever this guy was he wasn't a cousin so he wasn't from here. So I told him that he had no right to tell me to get off my land. This is my land. Well, he was the only one with the sense to at least apologize. But it doesn't matter if you are Black, White, Native, Asian.... whatever, if you need accommodation on the bus you have every right to access that accommodation. Because my injuries resulted in my left arm being broken in 3 places and my muscle on my right arm being pulled, it wasn't safe for me to stand while the bus was in motion. Then because of my heart condition I started using my electric wheelchair. You know people still glare at me when I'm on the bus as if to be asking why I'm in a wheelchair. As if they are saying I am lazy and just taking up space that others need. While not considering that I too have needs. That I too am just barely getting by. If people could just be kind to others.
While I have been getting around on the bus, people continue to be unsafe. They don't hold on to the bus when the bus or the train is in motion. At any minute the bus or train could make a sudden stop and they would just fall right onto me and hurt me in the process. I just want to be safe.
The other day there was a person with a scooter that got on the bus. It is policy that on the side the scooter was on to be buckled or secured. The bus driver refused to follow policy. It was causing my anxiety to increase. And then after the person with the scooter got off there was a lady with a manual wheelchair that got on the bus. Again, it is policy to secure mobility devices. If the bus comes to a sudden stop for whatever reason that scooter or that wheelchair could go flying and it places me and others on the bus at risk. Like sure, the person with the mobility device is fine but I'm not. The whole reason why I had my motor vehicle accident was because of unsafe decisions the other driver made while I was the one who took full blame in the accident because I couldn't prove they were distracted on their phone and speeding. Everyone was saying how I did a U-turn. Thankfully there was dash cam footage because otherwise Workers Compensation might have ruled that I was negligent in the accident but thankfully Workers Compensation ruled in my favour. However, everyone else wanted to crucify me and not even consider the driving behaviour of the other. This is why I feel I am just not doing well. It doesn't matter how safe I am because I feel like every day my life is danger not because I'm not being safe but because others are not being safe.
At this rate I might end up becoming a recluse and I might be struggling with or fighting agoraphobia because I don't feel safe outside of my apartment right now. And yet, if I want to maintain some function with my mental health I have to push myself to leave my apartment, otherwise I might not ever leave my apartment.
And all of this because others are not safe and place the safety of others at risk. And all because there is an increasing number of people with unpredictable behaviour because my stupid government thought it was a great idea to provide drugs to people who need help getting off drugs and need help with social support and with housing but who cares as long as they get a safe drug supply let them all be homeless and overdosing on the street. I don't think there is a day that goes by where I don't see somebody either displaying erratic behaviour or overdosing on drugs. I never used to be afraid living in the area I do but I can't physically defend myself as well as I used to and so I feel significantly more vulnerable. I need to find a safer area to live.
The only good news is that I finally gained access to a diagnostic assessment and I just completed the process. I am now waiting for the Psychologist to make an appointment to go over the diagnosis. He is pretty certain I have 1 or more clinical diagnosis. I'm not worried about whatever diagnosis is given. I am relieved to finally be getting one. Maybe the actual diagnosis will help me find more suitable living arrangements. Maybe I'll be able to find a safer place to live. I hope.
: Something that can reeeeally help with this :
I’ll be back to post as a member in a spell.
