From Empathetic Observer to Chosen, Harassed Scapegoat: Great Ways to "Bail" Now Needed - Ugh

[Hermitess_Nun_N.H.]

Greetings to anyone reading this who deals with the "systems feelings" Narcs and Monkeys create. Please feel free to reflect and reply on the Narc and Monkey experience I was handed today.

My live-in landlord has flipped out on me because of the trashy (and I mean physically, mentally, emotionally, trashy) couple he allows to stay here and take care of him while he's physically disabled. The Baby Momma smokes, despite her growing pregnancy, she's been upbraided by the others living here about her Addiction and her disrespect towards authority many times in the past 2 months. She and her "Florida Man" (yes - he's a real piece of work) left the common area absolutely filthy for 2 days. However, before that, "Florida Man" completely took apart the back gate leading to the trash can access in our alley, and boarded up the space with plywood and bricks, leaving no access for us to dump our trash (3 days total.) The Baby Momma has never asked for my additional help the more pregnant she got these past 2 months.

Today I heard her stomping about the house both before - and after - she was called on the carpet by the Landlord about the mess. When I got something to drink, she dared to ask me if my room "still had roaches", then got offended when i looked at her and said "I wonder what brought that question on?" She got that Narc look on her face as she babbled away and when I looked at her and said " I can take care of my own room myself" and she exploded, stomped into the Landlord's room, started babbling protests, then came out and yelled at me "You stop complaining!!" while I wasn't even looking at her (listening to a podcast on earphones.) I finished what I was doing, kept a deadpan expression, remained calm, and walked right out of the kitchen and back to my work. The couple continued to whip the Landlord up into fight or flight mode, and Ive been receiving a string of nonsensical, defensive texts from him.

Not even the fact that I, a Mom twice over, who assisted my deceased husband, a Pastor, and other people with helpful pastoral counseling, or my new status as Nun in our Church has kept the Landlord from deciding that I am the New Scapegoat, and that I should either walk the line, or move the heck out. This truly has me scratching my head.

It's apparent that Florida Man should move back to his beloved State of Florida, pay alimony, and that Baby Momma should give up the newborn for adoption for a decent chance at life, and save her miserable Rear End from addiction and eviction.

It's apparent that Landlord shouldn't get Trash like this live with him and drag him down during the Golden Years.

Now, I can't FORCE them to come to terms with themselves as a unit. (It's a fake "family" from the start.)

Is my only option to leave the house more frequently, appear genuinely HAPPIER each time I return (without telling them why), quit using Ye Olde Long Handled Spoon for communications, and just BAIL as soon as possible? It was only Monday this week. Yes, it was Labor Day, and they went to Walmart, but Labor Day is one of those "fake American holidays" when people are still forced to work to make ends meet. So, why couldn't the "fake family unit" even get a grip on today?

 

[Movingforward10]

I don’t understand how they are narcs or flying monkeys. You sound very judgemental about them. And everyone’s behaviour sounds unkind, difficult and stressful.

Why do you live with people you hate? Move out?

 

[arfie]

Greetings to anyone reading this who deals with the "systems feelings" Narcs and Monkeys create. Please feel free to reflect and reply on the Narc and Monkey experience I was handed today.

the wording is creative enough that i'm not sure my own experience fits this category. my attempted translation is that it fits in with the psychotherapy i have undergone for, "projection" designed to make myself an innocent victim and/or martyr.

possible? i hesitate to share further for fear of looking like a narc and/or monkey. when i googled, "narc and monkey" i was purely confused. the results for "systems feelings" were far more clear. those sound fairly universal.

please forgive my confusion. i get lost in metaphor easily.

 

[Rose White]

My vote would be this

to leave the house more frequently, appear genuinely HAPPIER each time I return (without telling them why), quit using Ye Olde Long Handled Spoon for communications, and just BAIL

 

[Torch]

I don't understand some of this, possibly because you seem to be writing in code? I do understand getting out of a bad situation often is more difficult than packing up and leaving. Hotels and motels are incredibly expensive right now. Not ideal to live at.

Some question to ask:
Do you have a job at the moment? Is it at home or for a large company? Some companies, districts can place you at another location.
Do you have credit you can live on?
A couch you can sleep on? Someone you know in town, out of town? Someone you know around in case something unexpected happens.

I can see you are stressed. And in the worst case scenario you could be in danger? Might be helpful to consider a plan to get out before you are harmed physically or mentally.

 

[whiteraven]

Not even the fact that I, a Mom twice over, who assisted my deceased husband, a Pastor, and other people with helpful pastoral counseling, or my new status as Nun in our Church

Are you an actual nun? I hope not. I couldn't get past these (and a few other) very nasty and judgmental comments:

It's apparent that Landlord shouldn't get Trash like this live with him and drag him down during the Golden Years.

Now, I can't FORCE them to come to terms with themselves as a unit. (It's a fake "family" from the start.)

I understand how hard it can be to find a new place, but is there any way you could stay somewhere else a couple of times a week? And, are you seeing a therapist?