Unsure about my diagnosis

[Corrigan]

I've just been told by a psychologist in an assessment that they think I have CPTSD, and another psychologist I see more regularly seemed to agree that I could have it, but I'm not sure what to think. I identify with the additional clusters (emotional dysregulation, persistent negative sense of self, and interpersonal relationship trouble) I've spent a lot of my life thinking I'm the scum of the earth and feeling like I have to punish myself by beating myself black and blue, and I've struggled with impulse control (behavioural addiction) and anger, and get overwhelmed easily sometimes. I've recently gone through a messy divorce, which covers interpersonal relationship difficulties.

But I don't really feel like I identify as much with the "PTSD" part. I definitely deal with a lot of anxiety and also get intrusive thoughts, but they're not really related to the traumatic things that happened to me as a kid. They seem more like OCD obsessions about harming others, taboo subjects, and a lot of rumination and fear that I may lose control and hurt someone. But both psychologists said they don't think I present with OCD. I have had traumatic experiences as a kid, but I don't have flashbacks or nightmares, and the hypervigilance I have doesn't seem to be related specifically to trauma related triggers. I wonder if could have GAD or BPD instead. I am kind of afraid of being told I have BPD, since that was what my dad had and it didn't end well.

Has anyone else received a CPTSD diagnosis, but without a lot of the classical PTSD symptoms? Just trying to process and figure out what to make of all this.

 

[gorgonzola]

I have a PTSD diagnosis but live in DSM-5 land. Per the International Trauma Questionnaire mine doesn't quite qualify as CPTSD, but I have an EP whose does so it beats me what that means.

I don't remember having nightmares, but I don't remember having dreams either. Note that the CPTSD side can lean towards the emotional flashback side of things, which I get though thankfully less often than daily. Startle response barely elevated, if at all.

My hypervigilance has zero to do with my trauma, though nonetheless it is dialled up to "if it has two legs and can walk it's a threat, so better keep track of where everyone is and constantly simulate defensive blocks, simulate grabbing things that can be thrown to slow down the threat, directions to be attacked from and run away in, and check surroundings for things that can be improvised as a weapon because it might save you 0.5 seconds of deciding those things on the fly".

My symptom sliders rarely seem set to middle values.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I have a PTSD diagnosis but live in DSM-5 land. Per the International Trauma Questionnaire mine doesn't quite qualify as CPTSD, but I have an EP whose does so it beats me what that means.

I don't remember having nightmares, but I don't remember having dreams either. Note that the CPTSD side can lean towards the emotional flashback side of things, which I get though thankfully less often than daily. Startle response barely elevated, if at all.

EP as in emotional part? It's common for people with CPTSD to have different parts even without multiple personalities and complete memory loss in DID.

Look into structure dissociation.
It sounds like some memories are blocked out and only the EP remembers them as they carry the leftovers of trauma while you, the apparently normal part (ANP) don't have all recollection and aren't always symptomatic because you have to function. The brain doesn't hides away the pain because it's too much to live with.

I also have weird and now come to think of it, ridiculous signs of hypervigilance that aren't a direct result but I mean there's a chance of everything going wrong and I trust no one so it is what it is.

 

[gorgonzola]

Yes, EP as in emotional part. This one wants to draw several boxes beyond the DSO 'extremely' column in order to be able to check an appropriate one. I don't relate to that, at least on that subsection.

Memory-wise I have a couple of things about my trauma such as my approximate age at the time and my attempted approaches to deal, but I'm 100% sure that that amnesia is a damn good thing and shouldn't be traded for the world.