Unsure about new therapist

[TruthSeeker]

Thank you all for your input, it's really helpful to get insight from people who were/are in therapy because a lot of times I don't know if something it's normal or not. Today I called another therapist to see if she would be a better fit and to my surprise she told me she was free to see me today and offered me an appointment. I went there and to be honest with you, it was even worse than the previous one...felt like she was really judging me/making fun of me for my issues. For example, I shared how I always struggled with health anxiety and fear of death and she (jokingly) asked me if someone in my family has diabetes. I said no and then she added that too much stress could lead to diabetes and "here's one more thing for you to worry about". (so funny....not!) Or when it came out that I have some patterns of dysfunctional behavior rooted in childhood she told me something along the lines of "seriously, you are an adult now, you're X years old, you shouldn't live out of this anymore", it made me feel really embarrassed for my issues.
I'm getting so frustrated with this whole experience, maybe I'm too sensitive but I don't know, I had different expectations, maybe too high expectations....I think I'm going to continue seeing the first therapist at least a couple more times, I don't want to quit too soon, maybe, hopefully, it will work out better as we progress.

Don't give up...keep looking.I find that better therapists, trained in trauma, ask pertinent questions, note your strengths, and are empathetic and don't tell you shit in the first therapy session or two....they aim to make you feel comfortable by not being judgemental. I looked for someone with IFS training, and those that actually spell it out in their Psychology Today promotion on the website say they work with trauma, vets -they work with people with PTSD, trauma, dissociative disorders, and PTSD) and do long term therapy (not only push short-term 10-12 weeks short term therapy in your direction can be helpful. I had to get on waiting lists....because there were so few, but you can ask around and make calls, and you might be better off to keep looking...holding onto this one. I went to several really unprepared and untrained therapists before I found one that knew what she was doing.

 

[BrownLea12]

I agree that it would be a good idea to bring up my concerns to my therapist, it would be hard for me and I guess during the session I'm focused more on what I need to talk about (I feel I can't fit everything I want to say into one hour) and try to ignore some of her reactions that I don't like, but later I start thinking about it and I realise it does bother me...

That’s the relationship part. It’s hard for those of us who weren’t taught how or weren’t allowed to express ourselves in “real life.” Plus it helps you to understand why it bothers you. I hope your therapist is able to redeem herself. If not, then you’ve established that she’s not right for you. Also, you’re not left wondering what would’ve happened if you said something, so it closes the door so you can open another. Good luck, and if you try it, would love to know how it goes. ?

 

[asimone]

@Vero

I met about 7 or 10 different therapists (ptsd specialists and regular therapists who say they can do everything - they can't do PTSD well, btw) before I found one that I felt okay with and didn't have any red flags. It can take time. I saw some for 3 appointments at first out of guilt or not trusting myself that they weren't for me. Now, I listen to my gut and it makes it easier, cheaper and faster.

Some I walked away completely dysregulated and crying, others shocked at how terrible they were. It happens.

I started learning what I liked and didn't from a therapist and started using the first appointment to ask them questions - not for them to ask me. I see my identity as political (ex: a straight white male couldn't relate to my life experience the same), so a female and feminist perspective matters to me as it's my world view and important to me. Also not judging, not pushing me, I asked about how they treat PTSD, etc.

Also, only the trauma specialists understood my symptoms. So until I found this T, I hadn't felt understood at all.

I also think it's completely inappropriate to smoke in a session and even asking you shows a complete lack of understanding of trauma, triggers, power dynamics. To put you on the spot to make a decision like that is not right. They don't know your history and if you have issues around decision-making and dynamics.

It doesn't sound like either of the two are a good fit, I hope you find someone great!

 

[Justmehere]

Are either of the therapists trained in one or more trauma specific therapy technique? Not just listing they can do trauma with other things. But that they have trauma specific skills under their belt and know how to create a safe container in the therapy room.

 

[Vero]

@Justmehere As far as I know, they are not trained in specific trauma therapy techniques but where I live I have very very little choice...it's hard to find even one or two people in my city who have some training in this and you add to that my tight schedule and budget....I was ready to go with almost any decent therapist that I could find, but even that is still a search in progress. I'm not giving up though ;)