mom is slipping away and i can't get her back

[chrysaliscrushed]

i know how frustrating it is when you're attached to someone dearly and have nothing to talk about with them. the way i learned that is not the point though.

what is, is that i can barely maintain a convo with mom about basically anything because she quickly changes the topic and it always seems as if she doesn't gaf no matter what i try to convey, i do get some luck when i begin conversations about things that consume her own thoughts, there's more chances that she'd want to keep talking about what concerns her until somebody calls or messages her. about the latter, we can be watching something, even something that she's into, she refuses to put her phone on dnd like i do and once she gets a call or a message she has a strong urge to respond to that person, otherwise she'd feel like a bad person if she doesn't as she told me. she's turning 60 soon so i could understand some of her traits, even if i am having something remotely resembling that while being 27. i just feel, whatever the wording is, i feel abandoned. as if she's absent, unavailable. ik she doesn't owe me anything, i never knew i'd miss her even though she is alive.

 

[parrotthepolly]

Well at least she's still alive.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's very painful realising and then accepting that you're not the priority for your parent.
If she is like this now, I imagine she has always been like this and you have dealt with this lack of care all your life?

I grew up with a parent who was emotionally absent, emotionally abusive amongst other stuff.
It's still a journey accepting this.

It is abandonment. It's emotional abandonment.

But, you can't change her. She can't/won't change. If she could or wanted to, she would have by now.

All you can do is learn to accept.
The desire for her to be different is likely to remain. I don't know if someone else has resolved that desire. I haven't. But you can learn to accept that she is how she is.
And then learn what you want to do about the relationship. I limit the amount of time I spend with my mother to help my well being.

 

[chrysaliscrushed]

Well at least she's still alive.

it barely makes any difference. dead or alive either way unavailable

 

[chrysaliscrushed]

yes

It's very painful realising and then accepting that you're not the priority for your parent.
If she is like this now, I imagine she has always been like this and you have dealt with this lack of care all your life?

I grew up with a parent who was emotionally absent, emotionally abusive amongst other stuff.
It's still a journey accepting this.

It is abandonment. It's emotional abandonment.

But, you can't change her. She can't/won't change. If she could or wanted to, she would have by now.

All you can do is learn to accept.
The desire for her to be different is likely to remain. I don't know if someone else has resolved that desire. I haven't. But you can learn to accept that she is how she is.
And then learn what you want to do about the relationship. I limit the amount of time I spend with my mother to help my well being.

yes well she's been emotionally unavailable for a long time if never, now that i think about it.

of course one cannot push a person towards any change if the person doesn't want that to begin with. i am kinda used to it but with other people. long story and not meant to be on here at least not this post.

yes in any situation or a lot of situations you have to choose what to sacrifice. what is right for you only yourself can know