New hobby/sports/getting triggered

[hensley]

Hi! I just found this place, i'm sorry if this doesn't fit here. I just feel I have to share/ask this somewhere.

Long story short, I have lots of traumas from childhood and been trying to not isolate anymore, and work on this instead. So, when I go to this lets say hobby, I get really easy triggered and dysregulated. Sometimes its ok and I enjoy myself but sometimes its like I am stuck in my brain. Cant do anything. Everything from childhood is spinning in my head. Im feeling dumb and inadequite.

So, the coach is very kind and understanding and sometimes literally takes my hand and gently push me to do something. And that really helps me. But at the same time I am feeling dumb, that the coach have to do that sometimes, like I am an adult, shouldnt I be able to handle things on my own? When I was a child I was always left alone to handle things. I feel like I am burden and wasted space. And, I am trying not to be so hard on myself and not to give up. I don't know how to handle this right now.

 

[parrotthepolly]

This is too familiar. I've tried having hobbies and friends again and the amount of times I've ran out is getting out of hand so now I'm isolating again even though I can feel it getting reallyy bad again.

It's a positive feeling letting someone in but it's different when being used to only know suffering that it can seem scary.
Still, seems like people have put up enough of me for the past few weeks.

 

[Friday]

But at the same time I am feeling dumb, that the coach have to do that sometimes, like I am an adult, shouldnt I be able to handle things on my own?

If that were true, in sports, there wouldn’t be coaches at all.

The role of a coach varies, depending on whether they’re coaching beginners or professionals, but hand-holding & encouragement (Of 1,000 different “types”) only gets more pronounced & individualised as one advances. Not less. It is a core feature of the job.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's ok to be triggered. And how great you have a coach that can help in that moment.

Sometimes, understanding the trigger can help. Do you think exploring what the trigger is will help reduce it?

Still going despite being triggered is a really great sign. Sometimes just that exposure can help as you learn it's ok.

What else helps you when triggered?

I had a trigger: running in the heat. Was a particular trigger that stopped me in my tracks. I was training for a marathon when it got really bad. So I had to confront it. Various things worked:
Writing down my worries in a note book just before I went on a run. Left the worries there to return to when I got home
Or
Writing 'powrr' and 'control' on my arms to remind me I had them now. That really really helped! (So much that I now have a tattoo of a flower that represents strength and courage to remind me of these things).
Or
Thought stopping

You can overcome triggers.
Whilst I still don't like running in the heat, I know that I am okay and it doesn't hit in the same way.

 

[hensley]

Thank you all for your replies. I notice that sometimes I get really stuck in my head and the thoughts starts looping in my head. I am between 'talk" therapy and trauma therapy and maby I am functioning better but sometimes its feels just hopeless and hard. Like I want to crawl back in my bed and never ever going anywhere. But, I am trying not to, I know I have to keep going for my own good. Small baby steps.

I think it just feels hard when I literally freeze and just sit there in the corner looking at everyone else doing things not being able to move. Then the coach comes and takes my hand and try to make me do something. That is something I never had in childhood, a safe adult. I was just left alone to handle things. Maybe what triggers me most is the feeling that I don't know what to do or feel like I can't do something. I hear all the voices from my childhood. And then feel like I am a burden to everyone..

That writing on arms and tattoo thing is interesting. Maybe I need to take another tattoo to remind myself of these things. :)

 

[Sideways]

I think it just feels hard when I literally freeze and just sit there in the corner looking at everyone else doing things not being able to move.

With ptsd, the part of your brain that flags danger (the amygdala) develops an itchy trigger finger, and starts sending us into the fight/flight/freeze response at anything and everything.

This change in your amygdala is visible on an fMRI, and the behavioural responses that occur as a result (like ‘freezing’) are a confluence of the myriad physiological changes that the amygdala sets in motion when it gets triggered, many of which can also be measured (like the changes in your endocrine system).

So, it’s okay to be compassionate with yourself when this happens. It’s not ‘all in your head’, and we definitely can’t just decide “that shouldn’t bother me, so I’m not going to let it bother me”. This is something that’s happening for you right now, and it’s understandable.

Practicing your grounding skills in moments when you’re calm and relaxed may help you get more effective at grounding yourself when this happens for you. Over time, you have good odds that your brain will normalise this hobby, and all the things that go with it, which could, all by itself, reduce both the frequency and impact of this happening:)