Do You Ever Feel That Your Feelings Are Invalid?

[StuckinShell]

I go looking for it...

I seem to gravitate to places where I will make myself vulnerable and especially when the stakes are high. I let it out and almost immediately regret it. I cant seem to self moderate and judge social situations appropriately and say awkward things. That's why I'm posting here, I just signed up at another forum and got myself into trouble. I started make up stories as to why it was headed south but my bodily sensations tell me I'm took shaken to tell. I disassociate and have deep and moving thoughts and experiences and am a good bit empathetic. It wells like a great out of control curse because to let it on leads to invalidation judgment and what I perceive as persecution. I am often shown to be correct in my evaluations in time but others have written me off and refuse to see it. I get shoved back into my box and my heart aches. Then I go in deeper and the cycle repeats.
I fear this but I'm doing it anyway. I am doing this and not drinking. I am feeling my bodily sensations and not running.

 

[badpenny]

I wonder all the time if the things that happened to me really happened or not. I also feel like I am just crazy and maybe if I stopped trying to figure it out and overthink, I could be fine and "normal" like other people.

I, too, feel like I could have written your first paragraph. It's really interesting to hear others feel this way too.

 

[NarcSis]

I feel for you. I still have difficulty 'allowing' myself to have the feelings I have without guilt or some form of self punishment. I deny that my trauma was bad enough to warrant a PTSD diagnosis...guilt. You will get to know guilt very well and it will make you feel horrible - as it is supposed to...it is part of PTSD, it is normal.

Fight the guilt and allow yourself to feel without remorse.

 

[shane2]

I wanted to share a little of my story... I was never traumatized in any one huge, major way, like being sent into a war, but I believe I was traumatized in many many small and not so small ways. I have read that repeated small trauma can add up to the same kinds of effects as one major one, so I think this is what has happened in my case.

Also, I believe I was emotionally abused when I was young. I used to invalidate myself Then I started to realize what I was doing. Other people definitely invalidate me quite often - it seems commonplace in society. Other people's invalidation affects us, I'm sure.

Anyhow, in case people haven't seen this site eqi.org here is an excellent page on invalidation from it

core.eqi.org/invalid.htmhttp://core.eqi.org/invalid.htm

Here is their page on emotional abuse...I am curious if other people here would say they have also been emotionally abused at any point in their lives. I suspect it makes us more vulnerable to PTSD, but Im just guessing.

Anyhow, now I try to really listen to my feelings. I am a big believer now that they are important.

 

[shane2]

Oops, sorry.. here is the correct link for emotional abuse

eqi.org/eabuse1.htmhttp://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

 

[dragonflymom]

I have trouble with this too, it seems like I often catch myself thinking that what happened to me was not really that bad after going to domestic violence support group meetings or reading other people's stories on here, even though I was abused for years.

 

[Abstract]

I am glad I found this thread and thank you for posting it.

shane2, I shall check out that site. Athough more "serious" things followed I believe I was certainly made vulnerable to them by emotional abuse. It did actually feel like I was in eminant danger at that point but was mostly not physical. I have seen the research supporting long term emotional abuse and trauma but it is hard to accept or believe for myself.
The other effect it had was to cause me to dissociate from very young and that led me to make less aware and good decisions and put myself in dangerous positions again and again and again and again. That and the fact I seem to freeze at the drop of a hat are hard to accept.

I am presently going absolutey nuts minimizing my most trauatic experience.
Apparently it is a coping method as one does not then have to face the truth.

Actually, the fact that I was never allowed to have my own thoughts, feelings, likes or dislikes - that I was demeaned for attempting to have them - is sure not to help the self doubt.

 

[Marie E.]

I don't understand why and I know it is related to the abuse and I have to continue to go on with living my life as I know that what my abuser did was engraved deeply into negative reactions and damage upon me. I just feel so numb and a lot of the time I seem like I'm refusing positive reinforcement from a loved one, unable to accept it. It is rather painful! I have to learn and continue to out grow this and accept as a fact of life that things are getting better.

 

[Sterre]

Do You Ever Feel That Your Feelings Are Invalid?

Yes !
I do that a lot. Out in public I validate everyones feelings but my own. In private I try to validate my feelings, and to fight my automatic response for denying myself to feel the things I feel.

When I grew up I was told all the time, that my feelings were crazy. When I felt scared, when I felt happy, the only response was that whatever I felt, I was crazy for feeling the way I did. I didnt realise that I apply that same strategie upon myself now ( internalisation). I often feel that I am crazy for having the emotions I feel.

It sometimes creates problems with friends and such, because they are so used for me being tough and not validating my own emotions, that they are not validating them also. It can be a self fullfillingprophecy.

I try to use mindfullness and groundingtechniques I learn in the course I am taking, to become more aware of what I feel, and not to avoid those feelings as much as I used to do.

 

[just me here]

I am kind of amazed at the number of us that think we are not worthy of feeling the damage and seeking help. My first post was one of questioning my credentials.

This thread is years old and it looks like it has been a common trait among us that goes back a ways too.

 

[Reclusive]

Well, you can count me in, too. I feel like I'm a total wuss for being damaged by what I went through - that I should have been tougher, stronger, harder to tear down that I sort of deserve the misery but not the sympathy nor the care. I'm recently diagnosed and so grateful for this forum. I think I'm going through a phase where whenever I feel something I have to check "Is this me? Is this the PTSD? Is it my abuser?" I question myself so much now. I remember a time when things are different. But I forget exactly how bad I've been wounded until I do something stupid or say something horrible and then I see how deep the wound really is. And lately I've started to FEEL crazy things get whirling in my head and I think the most bizarre and inappropriate things..... Oi.

But I guess that's part of it, eh?

 

[Abstract]

sterre,

Do You Ever Feel That Your Feelings Are Invalid?
It sometimes creates problems with friends and such, because they are so used for me being tough and not validating my own emotions, that they are not validating them also. It can be a self fullfillingprophecy.
quote]

This has been the story of my life and relate a lot. Am way better though.