Randomhero
New Here
I wonder if anyone can help guide me. I met an amazing woman about 18 months ago and began dating. From the very beginning she told me she had been single for 3 years due to ptsd, depression and anxiety following domestic abuse from her previous partner. Things started off perfectly and we never had a single disagreement.
In August last year we went abroad for 3 days (her first time) a couple of weeks after she seemed a little distant so I asked if she was ok. We met for a chat and she explained she was feeling overwhelmed and needed space to focus on herself and her children. I said I understood and would support her however she needed and to take as long as necessary, I would still be here. She thanked me and we parted ways with a warm hug. The following days I sent some supportive messages and sent her some flowers. She messaged me telling me not to send anything to her. I apologized for the mistake.
She then went silent for a month (I continued to send occasional messages of no pressure support) she messaged me to say she had ended our relationship and I accepted but made it clear I still cared. We would occasionally message each other between periods of silence and in the October we seemed to be maintaining a good level of contact and we managed to meet for a drink and a chat that lasted the whole day until late into the night. We discussed the relationship and she said things like “I can’t love right now” and wanting to be “friends for the moment” I said I can do that if that’s what is what she needs and made it clear my desire to hopefully return to what we had when she felt ready.
Contact via messages continued with the odd gap of a week or two on occasion with the longest being in 5 weeks between November and December. I messaged her wishing her a happy Christmas and new year (both times she replied) in early January she reached out to me to say she’s “not doing good” and to “do me a favour, please message me every day” she explained she had lost her job and was worried for the future. I said of course and we have maintained that rhythm ever since with only an occasional 24/48 hour gap from her. I supported and encouraged her search for a new job and now she’s started a new job which she tells me she loves.
In May we met for a couple of hours for a coffee and a chat but didn’t bring up feelings or the relationship (I wanted to keep it easy) we hugged at the end and she said not to leave it too long for next time. A couple of times I’ve suggested meeting again with no pressure but she has given reasons not to (work/busy/time with children) which I accepted. Recently she seems to be more engaged in conversation telling me about her day and when she feels sad/nervous/happy asking about how I am/ how my day was and has even begun to initiate contact some days. I’ve expressed my desire to spend more time together when she can and she seems open to it (she said she’s been busy with the new job and will have to let me know) again I accepted it and emphasised there is no pressure. I admit I have been struggling with doubts about how she feels as she has posted a couple of pictures of her out with another man on social media (they don’t show any signs of affection and I know she has some male friends although I’ve never met them) do people in this state seek out new relationships?
What I’d like to know from you guys and girls is there anything I can be doing/not doing to help her and does it sound like she is starting to feel more herself and recovering. I am hoping that we can re start the relationship when she feels ready to but I am also aware that she may not want that but I would like to stay present and supportive until a time comes where she can make that decision from a regulated point of view.
Sorry for the long post but I’m just keen to hear other people’s opinions/experiences
In August last year we went abroad for 3 days (her first time) a couple of weeks after she seemed a little distant so I asked if she was ok. We met for a chat and she explained she was feeling overwhelmed and needed space to focus on herself and her children. I said I understood and would support her however she needed and to take as long as necessary, I would still be here. She thanked me and we parted ways with a warm hug. The following days I sent some supportive messages and sent her some flowers. She messaged me telling me not to send anything to her. I apologized for the mistake.
She then went silent for a month (I continued to send occasional messages of no pressure support) she messaged me to say she had ended our relationship and I accepted but made it clear I still cared. We would occasionally message each other between periods of silence and in the October we seemed to be maintaining a good level of contact and we managed to meet for a drink and a chat that lasted the whole day until late into the night. We discussed the relationship and she said things like “I can’t love right now” and wanting to be “friends for the moment” I said I can do that if that’s what is what she needs and made it clear my desire to hopefully return to what we had when she felt ready.
Contact via messages continued with the odd gap of a week or two on occasion with the longest being in 5 weeks between November and December. I messaged her wishing her a happy Christmas and new year (both times she replied) in early January she reached out to me to say she’s “not doing good” and to “do me a favour, please message me every day” she explained she had lost her job and was worried for the future. I said of course and we have maintained that rhythm ever since with only an occasional 24/48 hour gap from her. I supported and encouraged her search for a new job and now she’s started a new job which she tells me she loves.
In May we met for a couple of hours for a coffee and a chat but didn’t bring up feelings or the relationship (I wanted to keep it easy) we hugged at the end and she said not to leave it too long for next time. A couple of times I’ve suggested meeting again with no pressure but she has given reasons not to (work/busy/time with children) which I accepted. Recently she seems to be more engaged in conversation telling me about her day and when she feels sad/nervous/happy asking about how I am/ how my day was and has even begun to initiate contact some days. I’ve expressed my desire to spend more time together when she can and she seems open to it (she said she’s been busy with the new job and will have to let me know) again I accepted it and emphasised there is no pressure. I admit I have been struggling with doubts about how she feels as she has posted a couple of pictures of her out with another man on social media (they don’t show any signs of affection and I know she has some male friends although I’ve never met them) do people in this state seek out new relationships?
What I’d like to know from you guys and girls is there anything I can be doing/not doing to help her and does it sound like she is starting to feel more herself and recovering. I am hoping that we can re start the relationship when she feels ready to but I am also aware that she may not want that but I would like to stay present and supportive until a time comes where she can make that decision from a regulated point of view.
Sorry for the long post but I’m just keen to hear other people’s opinions/experiences
Last edited by a moderator:
