CPTSD at University/ College

[applepie]

Hi everyone, I was just wondering how people handled CPTSD at University/ College, and whether anything has helped them? Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

I’ve done a lot of uni over the years - what parts of university are you struggling with? For example lectures, study pressure, campus life…?

 

[applepie]

I’ve done a lot of uni over the years - what parts of university are you struggling with? For example lectures, study pressure, campus life…?

Academics in particular, I'm roughly less than a year out of a decade of very severe, extreme abuse, and overall, I am struggling a lot to focus. I've spoken to everyone and accessed all kinds of support, but I feel like there's no hope and honestly I feel scared and like a huge failure. The social life is another thing, I find it so hard to integrate into university life and it just feels like added pressure on top of academics, and it feels like too much right now.

 

[Sideways]

Concentration is definitely something that I find pretty challenging. During semester, when I’m trying to digest a lot of material (a lot of which isn’t exactly written plainly!), I get pretty obsessive about looking after my cognition. I exercise a lot, I’m really careful about what I’m eating and drinking, I do everything I can to protect my sleep hygiene, and I incorporate a yoga or meditation session into every other day and I don’t have social media accounts (so, zero scrolling). Even things like making sure I’m getting sunshine, having some degree of social human interactions. It requires a fair bit of obsessive time management, but it definitely helps.

On top of good old note-taking, I also use a pretty wide variety of study aids so that I’m giving my brain the best possible chance of grabbing onto information. For me, using AI to turn articles, books and lectures into podcasts is particularly helpful. I use flip cards. I use AI to summarise articles into dot points. I make up posters of key themes which hang above my desk. My goal is to translate the information into as many different forms as I possibly can: sound, visual pictures, long sentences, short bullet points, things I can read / listen to / watch.

Brain fog as a medication side effect was also something I was clear with my pdoc that I couldn’t tolerate, so the medication regime I was on was designed to support (rather than compromise) my concentration.

In terms of the social side? I’m probably not the right person to give advice on that, because it’s got zero priority for me. It’s on the “would be nice if…” list, but doesn’t actually align with what reality is really like for me. I have a few people that I meet socially for low key stuff from time to time, because some degree of social connection is important. Realistically, that’s all I can really cope with socially right now, at this point of my recovery.

CBT has probably helped me the most on that front - teaching my brain to stop comparing myself to that particular cluster of students (there’s actually a lot of students that don’t get involved in the social side of uni life, for a range of reasons), to be protective about how I’m talking to myself and how I’m interpreting the experiences I have, and the thoughts and feelings they trigger.

I think there needs to be space for grief and self compassion there. It doesn’t always look like I want it to: of course I want the big, exciting social circle, the ability to concentrate when I study and remember what I read. And it’s completely unfair that I have this condition through no fault of my own that makes all of that so much harder. It’s okay to curl up and just wallow in how awful that is sometimes. It’s okay to amend plans, defer subjects, give yourself longer to achieve goals, and extend yourself some kindness when you’re confronted with “this isn’t how I want it to be”.

The one thing that I can say for sure? Is that when you submit the paper, or sit an exam, or complete a subject - that’s a bigger achievement than it is for a lot of the folks in the room. Every small win, every small milestone, deserves to be celebrated. Because what you’ve set out to achieve is epic, and you deserve the win, even if the route there needs to look different to the original plan.

 

[applepie]

Concentration is definitely something that I find pretty challenging. During semester, when I’m trying to digest a lot of material (a lot of which isn’t exactly written plainly!), I get pretty obsessive about looking after my cognition. I exercise a lot, I’m really careful about what I’m eating and drinking, I do everything I can to protect my sleep hygiene, and I incorporate a yoga or meditation session into every other day and I don’t have social media accounts (so, zero scrolling). Even things like making sure I’m getting sunshine, having some degree of social human interactions. It requires a fair bit of obsessive time management, but it definitely helps.

On top of good old note-taking, I also use a pretty wide variety of study aids so that I’m giving my brain the best possible chance of grabbing onto information. For me, using AI to turn articles, books and lectures into podcasts is particularly helpful. I use flip cards. I use AI to summarise articles into dot points. I make up posters of key themes which hang above my desk. My goal is to translate the information into as many different forms as I possibly can: sound, visual pictures, long sentences, short bullet points, things I can read / listen to / watch.

Brain fog as a medication side effect was also something I was clear with my pdoc that I couldn’t tolerate, so the medication regime I was on was designed to support (rather than compromise) my concentration.

In terms of the social side? I’m probably not the right person to give advice on that, because it’s got zero priority for me. It’s on the “would be nice if…” list, but doesn’t actually align with what reality is really like for me. I have a few people that I meet socially for low key stuff from time to time, because some degree of social connection is important. Realistically, that’s all I can really cope with socially right now, at this point of my recovery.

CBT has probably helped me the most on that front - teaching my brain to stop comparing myself to that particular cluster of students (there’s actually a lot of students that don’t get involved in the social side of uni life, for a range of reasons), to be protective about how I’m talking to myself and how I’m interpreting the experiences I have, and the thoughts and feelings they trigger.

I think there needs to be space for grief and self compassion there. It doesn’t always look like I want it to: of course I want the big, exciting social circle, the ability to concentrate when I study and remember what I read. And it’s completely unfair that I have this condition through no fault of my own that makes all of that so much harder. It’s okay to curl up and just wallow in how awful that is sometimes. It’s okay to amend plans, defer subjects, give yourself longer to achieve goals, and extend yourself some kindness when you’re confronted with “this isn’t how I want it to be”.

The one thing that I can say for sure? Is that when you submit the paper, or sit an exam, or complete a subject - that’s a bigger achievement than it is for a lot of the folks in the room. Every small win, every small milestone, deserves to be celebrated. Because what you’ve set out to achieve is epic, and you deserve the win, even if the route there needs to look different to the original plan.

I honestly feel like I'm crumbling, I don't know how I can keep this all up any longer. It's too much pressure and I feel like no matter how hard I try or how many opportunities I apply for, like internships etc, I'm still so behind and small compared to everyone else. I'm starting EMDR soon, so hopefully that'll help, but honestly, I have no hope that it will at all. I feel so alone, and I just want friends and for this to ease up, my university is insanely competitive and I feel so alone.