Bella T Walters
New Here
OMG, of all things I ever thought would be both exciting and scary.....sex is one of them, that I never thought I would ever look forward to experiencing again.
I had thought for years that the sexual abuse and hell I lived through that one day I would just decide to give up sex in total. I tried many men. Seems like even though I thought I wanted a relationship all I would attract were idiots with WEIRD sexual desires and ISSUES, worse than mine. I was so used to pleasing, given the 1 year my father prostituted me out to his Gang friends...and BOY did I learn quick that you nest just do what the hell they want.
Then I thought, well actually I decided I should maybe try a girl. I mean, I had always wondered what it would be like to be with a woman, so off I went, without even really thinking about it and BANG, my massage therapist and supposed friend, got me in her bed and on her list of "uses" to get her married lover to leave his wife and have a threesome with us. HMMMM....OK I know that is weird, but given my sister sexually abused me for almost 2 years, before the child prostitution and gang rapes...and WOW, she two offered to let her boyfriend (actually just the guy she liked) have sex with both of us. DEAR LORD do we always have to repeat every damn trauma from our pasts??? LOL
So I decided I will become self sufficient and educate others on the POWER and ABUSE of sex and started selling sex TOYS. OMG that was fun and scary. I mean I understood sex in ways that most people didn't. I work on my sexual issues for nearly 10 years and found that although Passion Parties has some seriously AMAZING toys...that I missed the touch of a man.
Off I went, found a guy. He had a girlfriend..but was so gentle in bed, until he passed out and almost chocked me to death..he is a truck driver...and a dead ringer gang guy (didn't know at the time) and when he rolled, my neck just happened to be in his grip and OMG, I couldn't get out.
Gee like seriously....my father's thing was choking until you passed out! LIKE when EVER was I EVER going to find a man to just have good mutually satisfying SEX?
Thought younger...and yup that worked, then he had DRUG ISSUES! I mean, wow do I ever know how to pick them!
So now...I find the \MOST amazing man. He fits everything I have written on my MAN list...well I HOPE so, because for me SIZE matters (Hee hee hee) and well wouldn't you know it...I forgot to put on the LIST that he NOT be MARRIED. You know what men use prostitutes, the adult ones....MARRIED MEN!
Good thing is the man just found out his wife is actually a lesbian and had an affair on him a few years back. I do not understand some men. This man has not had sex with his with for over 4 years. He is a truly good man, I have checked him out, had my very private investigations team check him out...my inner children check him out and today of all things...I decide this is the one. He too feels it and it is funny. He was supposed to leave his wife 4 years ago but he feels sorry for her and her issues...hmmm...now he knows why she hated sex with him. He has never abused a woman, treats her like gold even though she treats him like shit...for the most part...and OMG he is a DOCTOR!
I checked in with my Doctor to make sure that I could have sex, since I am still healing from my many abuses and unhealed traumas, like the time my dad tried to kill me by running me over with his truck. Damnit...he tried so hard to kill me but I never died.
So here I am today, happy, healthier than I have ever been, happier than heck to have some serious SEX action for a LONG LONG LONG time and what does my Doctor say...ya...you should be ready in 5 weeks. Gee...I wonder how long it will take the other Doctor to leave his wife?
We both agreed that affairs are not acceptable. I will not cheat. I have never cheated nor has he. Pays to be PTSD sometimes when you truly start to trust yourself again. I have used all the traumas of my past to make me one powerful intuitive woman, and when I thought this would scare the crap out of this man, it only draws him closer.
His honor is profound and his is kind beyond words. He truly wanted his wife to heal and he tried everything he knew, only to now have the larger picture in his head.
I am so excited in so many ways and yet so scared to truly feel what it will be like to have sex with someone you truly have fallen in love with, and more importantly...to have sex because I want to have the experience...and because for the first time in my life I LOVE ALL OF ME!
WOW...I hope where ever this amazing event happens there is sound proof walls...or trees...or what ever....because the I am certain that the wolves will not be the only animals howling that night!
I never thought the anticipation of sex could be so exciting...OMG...LMAO in anticipation!
I had thought for years that the sexual abuse and hell I lived through that one day I would just decide to give up sex in total. I tried many men. Seems like even though I thought I wanted a relationship all I would attract were idiots with WEIRD sexual desires and ISSUES, worse than mine. I was so used to pleasing, given the 1 year my father prostituted me out to his Gang friends...and BOY did I learn quick that you nest just do what the hell they want.
Then I thought, well actually I decided I should maybe try a girl. I mean, I had always wondered what it would be like to be with a woman, so off I went, without even really thinking about it and BANG, my massage therapist and supposed friend, got me in her bed and on her list of "uses" to get her married lover to leave his wife and have a threesome with us. HMMMM....OK I know that is weird, but given my sister sexually abused me for almost 2 years, before the child prostitution and gang rapes...and WOW, she two offered to let her boyfriend (actually just the guy she liked) have sex with both of us. DEAR LORD do we always have to repeat every damn trauma from our pasts??? LOL
So I decided I will become self sufficient and educate others on the POWER and ABUSE of sex and started selling sex TOYS. OMG that was fun and scary. I mean I understood sex in ways that most people didn't. I work on my sexual issues for nearly 10 years and found that although Passion Parties has some seriously AMAZING toys...that I missed the touch of a man.
Off I went, found a guy. He had a girlfriend..but was so gentle in bed, until he passed out and almost chocked me to death..he is a truck driver...and a dead ringer gang guy (didn't know at the time) and when he rolled, my neck just happened to be in his grip and OMG, I couldn't get out.
Gee like seriously....my father's thing was choking until you passed out! LIKE when EVER was I EVER going to find a man to just have good mutually satisfying SEX?
Thought younger...and yup that worked, then he had DRUG ISSUES! I mean, wow do I ever know how to pick them!
So now...I find the \MOST amazing man. He fits everything I have written on my MAN list...well I HOPE so, because for me SIZE matters (Hee hee hee) and well wouldn't you know it...I forgot to put on the LIST that he NOT be MARRIED. You know what men use prostitutes, the adult ones....MARRIED MEN!
Good thing is the man just found out his wife is actually a lesbian and had an affair on him a few years back. I do not understand some men. This man has not had sex with his with for over 4 years. He is a truly good man, I have checked him out, had my very private investigations team check him out...my inner children check him out and today of all things...I decide this is the one. He too feels it and it is funny. He was supposed to leave his wife 4 years ago but he feels sorry for her and her issues...hmmm...now he knows why she hated sex with him. He has never abused a woman, treats her like gold even though she treats him like shit...for the most part...and OMG he is a DOCTOR!
I checked in with my Doctor to make sure that I could have sex, since I am still healing from my many abuses and unhealed traumas, like the time my dad tried to kill me by running me over with his truck. Damnit...he tried so hard to kill me but I never died.
So here I am today, happy, healthier than I have ever been, happier than heck to have some serious SEX action for a LONG LONG LONG time and what does my Doctor say...ya...you should be ready in 5 weeks. Gee...I wonder how long it will take the other Doctor to leave his wife?
We both agreed that affairs are not acceptable. I will not cheat. I have never cheated nor has he. Pays to be PTSD sometimes when you truly start to trust yourself again. I have used all the traumas of my past to make me one powerful intuitive woman, and when I thought this would scare the crap out of this man, it only draws him closer.
His honor is profound and his is kind beyond words. He truly wanted his wife to heal and he tried everything he knew, only to now have the larger picture in his head.
I am so excited in so many ways and yet so scared to truly feel what it will be like to have sex with someone you truly have fallen in love with, and more importantly...to have sex because I want to have the experience...and because for the first time in my life I LOVE ALL OF ME!
WOW...I hope where ever this amazing event happens there is sound proof walls...or trees...or what ever....because the I am certain that the wolves will not be the only animals howling that night!
I never thought the anticipation of sex could be so exciting...OMG...LMAO in anticipation!
