My First Serious Thought... I Am So Scared!

[mamachick]

Hotline is good but often run by volunteers who are not thoroughly trained in risk factors and do not know your history. If you are of legal age, there is no need for your therapist to contact your family. However, if she thinks that it is likely that you will attempt suicide, she can petition for a mental hygiene order so that you are evaluated for 3 days.

You are having thoughts though, like many many people who never go through with an attempt-thank goodness. She may ask you to contract with her. That means that you will call her before you do anything harmful to yourself. She need to know about your thoughts to help you to get to the bottom of why you are experiencing them

I dont mean to sound hard on you-It is because I care and I have been in your shoes. I think we all have ability to help others when they are where we have been

 

[BloomInWinter]

Thank you Angela and Ronin for you words. Maybe I am not so alone after all.

That child will be lost forever if you disappear from this earth. You are not alone. You have friends, allies, and witnesses now.
please keep reading, sharing, and speaking gently to yourself.


((((MissSun)))

 

[Reclusive]

Missing... I completely understand what you're feeling. When I was a teen, I seriously considered suicide (who didn't) and decided that I'd only find a way to screw it up. My mother was already disabled and I couldn't risk damaging myself too much without finishing the job. But it's important to stay here. We have people who depend on us, who look to us for care. You work with children - that's like being another mother to them. Your light in this world would so be missed and the world would be lesser for it. Stay with us and heal. Grow stronger and brighter until you overcome the darkness.

 

[mamachick]

For me-coming out and saying what is on my mind brings it into the light and then I own it. When I dont completely own it, it usually doesnt change or I cant really address the issue with the therapist. For example, if I dont tell my therapist how much I am actually drinking, she would not have the information to determine if alcohol is contributing to a low mood or depression or any other symptoms.

I also know that it takes a leap of faith to trust in this person. I am a therapist and am very familiar with the requirements to report. If a client says-when I leave here I am going to do xy and z ( they are saying that they will commit suicide, and have the means or access to do so) and if the therapist can not change their mind-yes, they are obligated to report. Therapists do not have to report everyone who has thought of doing it and how they would do it.

If you tell therapist that you have thoughts and have searched information on it, this will be a priority. Often they will contract with you about it, meaning, they will ask for your committment that you will don do it even though you are having thoughts, and if you decide you are going to do it, you will follow a plan to call therapist, go to emergency room , etc.

These feelings can be changed but in order to change them, it takes the brave act of telling about them. You did that by sharing this here. There is no judgement here as so many of us have had these feelings. Even people without ptsd diagnosis or any life long serious condition have had thoughts at some time in their life.

Again, your feelings can change, they are temporary, and there are many who would miss you forever. I am so glad to not have succeeded.

 

[gidge]

Two weeks ago I was in the same boat. Dropped my girls off and cldnt kiss them goodbye as I knew it would be the last kiss I would ever give them. I had a plan to take some pills and alcohol that would have certainly ended my life. Yet somehow I found myself heading to work rather than home as I didnt want to let my colleagues down. Then my plan changed to ill do it after work. Thankfully during my work hours I thought hard about my decision and aksed a friend to meet me after work, and told her my plan.

If my friend had not shown up I know I would have gone through with it. It is so hard to reach out to people and admit to how you are feeling, and at times now I still struggle to see how things will get beta. But i have to hang on for my children, and to make sure that a paedophile I helped sent to prison does not abuse my children on his release.

Everyday is a struggle, but I tell myself daily I am strong and will survive and I know that when the feeling of wanting to end it returns I have a plan of who I can call, as sometimes distraction from my thoughts are all that is needed.

Go easy on yourself Sunshine, cry, or shout on the hard days but never forget there are always people willing to listen and help you out, wethere that be in the form of this forum, a helpline or therapist. Depression is hard going but you have to believe there is hope and light at the end of the dark tunnel and we will get through it.:)

 

[Abrasky]

(((hugs))) missing the sunshine. It sounds like a very triggering thing, that dad coming to school and verbally abusing you. I hope you know he was in the wrong and you did everything you should have. Maybe there is a memory in their somewhere that has been triggered by this event with the dad I think.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

If you tell therapist that you have thoughts and have searched information on it, this will be a priority. Often they will contract with you about it, meaning, they will ask for your committment that you will don do it even though you are having thoughts, and if you decide you are going to do it, you will follow a plan to call therapist, go to emergency room , etc.

My T hasn't mentioned anything about a contract or anything along those lines - she just warned me that if I had suicidal thoughts she would have to tell my family...and there is no way that I can let that happen. Not in my current environment anyway.

I am all for honesty and laying everything out on the table but I also need to think about how bad things will get at home.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Sunshine, you don't really have to tell anyone, but please make a promise to yourself ---and to us---and to those in your life to go to an ER if you think you really might.

I do not tell my T either. Do not feel safe doing so. But if I ever got to that point, I would go to the ER. I would feel bad for ending up there under her watch, but I would feel worse if I kill myself and never got a chance to ask for help.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Sunshine, you don't really have to tell anyone, but please make a promise to yourself ---and to us---and to those in your life to go to an ER if you think you really might.

Um...I don't do promises...but I what I can tell you that I am trying. Taking it one day at a time (or a few hours at a time). I am focussing on the kids in my grade and trying not to let them down, so will keep finding the strength in them and see how I go.

Thanks for your time and words.