Is Group Therapy For Me?

[livergirl70]

I am starting to doubt whether group therapy is for me.

I understand the concept and the benefit, but living in the UK you get what you are given in regards to "help" unless you want to pay privately, which I would not be able to afford.

I have been told by numerous mental health people that I am a rescuer and that I need to stop helping other people to the detriment of myself.

In Group Therapy, the therapist seems to be oblivious to the needs of the group and I feel that I have to speak and help to avoid the person being left in limbo. Great for the other people in the group, I empathasizse with them and offer them solutions which seem to help them.

In return I get, the "group tissues" handed to me if I need to offload something, no words of support or advice nada

So what should I do?

 

[NIKI]

Wow, not a very good T. She doesn't give any advice? Do you have to pay for this group? Have you ever felt any help by attending the group. If not, then I would probably stop going. Seems like you can get more help here.

 

[livergirl70]

She doesn't say very much at all. I saw her for individual therapy and we sat for about 15 minutes of the first session in absolute silence until she spoke and said "you can sit there in silence if you want to this is your time" Because it is with the NHS if you drop out of something you f*** up your chances of any other help.

 

[Ted Moen]

one way of avoiding dealing with the uncomfortable feelings we need to deal with is to focus on other peoples problems, rescuergirl70 ... i would guess the T has seen a number of rescuer people and has a strategy to get them to focus on their own feelings ... it may even be that strategy is working and you are considering giving up group rather than express the things the group process is generating pressure for you to share

just a thought

ted

 

[livergirl70]

It might be the wine, but I am confused, what should I do?

 

[Michel]

Maybe it would help for the group members to talk in group about how they want this therapy to function and why in that way. You could talk about how you feel when no one responds to what you say. Maybe others can talk about how they feel when they get responses. Some may like it, some may prefer to let their words just sit out there, who knows? Maybe the therapist should explain why she behaves in group the way she does. How does she see her role?

As for why you respond in group as you do, don't accept too easily the idea that there is one simple "psychological" explanation and it is that you are unwilling to look at your own issues (you are "a rescuer" - this is like explaining a person's behavior by saying she is "a doer" or "a people-person." It's more description than explanation and a pretty vague description at that). It may be that you are not ready or comfortable enough in this setting to talk about your issues instead of on what you hear from others, but maybe you don't know how the group is supposed to work or haven't yet adapted to this sort of conversation. Maybe group therapy just less naturally fits your personality than it does some others. Some people are just not inclined to talk to non-intimates about very personal and serious things. In most contexts, this is a perfectly healthy and self-respecting stance. If it does turn out group isn't for you, that needn't mean there's something "wrong" with you.

And if the central issue is that you are not ready to talk more about yourself and try to work through your problems with others, maybe it would be OK to do what you do now or just sit quietly for a while and allow yourself some time to become ready and to get to know the others better.

 

[njray]

Liver,

2 interesting statements i saw in your initial post here...

first i saw that you said other therapists said you try to help others at the detriment to yourself.

Then you say the therapist is oblivious to the needs of others...and you feel as you need to step in and.......

Do I think some therapists are a bad fit? absolutely. Do i think group therapy might not be right for some people? absolutely. Have all or most of the other groups you been in made you feel the same need to help the others... If so you may be correct that group is not a good fit for you right now?

 

[KP the nut]

I saw her for individual therapy and we sat for about 15 minutes of the first session in absolute silence until she spoke and said "you can sit there in silence if you want to this is your time" .

I had a T like that, after 3 sessions he told me I was wrong for therapy - no maybe he was wrong to be a T

 

[njray]

Great point KP there definitely are bad therapists. For sure....... Hey I had my share but as I have grown I realize that I just might not have fit that therapist as there were people i met that gained from the ones I thought were bad....... If i saw a pattern develop that all the therapists(not sure what the magical number is) i were seeing in that they said i had a specific issue I might think to look at that issue. As we can see in the many posts and threads in this forum "being in denial" of what ever is a powerful force to be reckoned with. (Examples may be that of admitting to recognize abuse is taking place to yourself, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and etc).

Again can u livergirl70 be involved with a bad therapist yes...But again if all, most, many say the same thing to you based upon there observations again you just might want to look at the issue.... I think there is a thread or post somewhere here that has some suggestions on how to pick a therapist........ Oh by the way I am not sure about where you are located but if you felt the Therapist was not performing there duties as they are upholded by law to do there might be a regulatory agency you might contact to lodge a complaint.....

 

[KP the nut]

Oh by the way I am not sure about where you are located but if you felt the Therapist was not performing there duties as they are upholded by law to do there might be a regulatory agency you might contact to lodge a complaint.....

A good poing but very difficult with the NHS, you take pot luck with what you are given. It may be different privately, but that is for a few, for the rest of us it is the NHS or nothing.

If you do decide to go 'private' and then need to stop, the NHS may hold this against you and declare you ineligible for treatment.

It is a postcode lottery

 

[njray]

In the NHS? you are afforded little choice I am guessing....... Sorry not familiar with the system. Livergirl70 I saw in you original post that you indicated that you had limited funds but also referenced that you had been told by "numerous health people" of being a rescuer but at the detriment of yourself. I am not sure of your options to see other therapists but again I was more concerned that many therapists were making the same comments not just one....... Hence i stand by my aforementioned post and hope you are able to seek resolution to all your mental health concerns......