Wow, so many replies o.o :)
Now you have a chance to grow, to discover the "real" person inside, the one your suvivor has been protecting all your life.
That's an interesting way of looking at it. It certainly makes sense.
I don't know if this perspective feels comfortable to me, though. I mean, okay, the idea that there is something living behind the walls of this torn up bomb shelter, something that will step out of the debris, a bit pale and malnurished but otherwise healthy... That's more than just having those ruins.
But on the other hand... I like the odd and foreign, but when it comes to me I am apparently relatively xenophobic. We had to do this imagination during therapy - 'the Inner Team' - where we had to visualise all our past and future selves gathering at a round table, discussing a question that was moving us at that moment. All I could do was to hide behind a potted plant in the meeting room and then leave that mental scenery as fast as possible. I can imagine myself in a room packed with strangers without any distress, but imagining 'other' 'me's that live inside me? I could see them talking about me behind my back, having thoughts and feelings of their own, maybe even deciding stuff above my head! Horror of horrors.
Another me, a 'true' me that wants to take over, maybe has to take over because my life is rightfully hers? Oh dear. But I appreciate your reply and there's certainly a number of insightful thoughts in there :)
Being a product of our environment is hard. But FON, at least you have the guts to know that YOU are healthier, better and stronger than the people who abused you. That's my gig, I won't let my abuser's punish me anymore.
Downward comparisons, yeah :D Scientifically proven to ramp up self esteem. You're right. I might be a mess, but at least I'm not handing my baggage on to my kids or my partner.
And another part of me wants to fight it, to make better of my life, and to create a better life for my kids. I like that part of me. Maybe that part IS the survivor.
I'll think about that. It sounds good, though. I really want to work in a field where I can assist people who want to empower themselves; maybe that's because I still feel so powerless and don't want anybody to have to suffer like that.
Resilience doesn't have to only be about "bouncing back" to a previous mythological state of functioning. It can also be about moving forward, becoming stronger, and emancipating ourselves.
A mythological state of functioning - I like that. It makes it sound like I'm chasing unicorns *giggles*
We are changed by what has happened but can refuse to be reduced by it-Maya Angelou
True. But the 'how' is kind of tricky.
underneath the dysfunctional behavior lies the "person" , not the "abuse'.
Isn't 'behaviour' simply the way the 'person' manifests?
I hope you're feeling better today, FON.
A little bit. In-patient time's over *cheers* Also the deep crisis seems to dissolve just as quickly as it did the last time. I'm not turning away from the topic, though.
I still try to do RADICAL things I never would have done. I did some pretty radical things, nothing self destructive.
That sounds pretty badass :D
"Well, I may not be me anymore, but now look at the things I have done!"
That, on the other hand, sounds scary. Weren't you scared by those changes?
There's talk about people who constantly 'reinvent themselves', mostly celebrities or artists. I kind of feel like adopting some kind of style at the moment - which I can't recall ever having felt before - but the thought feels fake. I don't know. I kind of wish I could dress and behave in a way that doesn't communicate anything at all about myself, not even a faux (f-f-french) façade.
