Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Gloria]

. He did have hair, teeth and a job.

I laughed so hard when I read that! Well, it's more than some of the men I have met on-line but so many are bald, jobless and I can't tell if they are denture but appeared to have teeth (although quite crooked and brown). :p

You know what makes me want to throw up is when a guy is bald and he takes his last strand of hair and let's it grow really long and then they drape it over the top of their head and they think that's really attractive. Honestly, shaved heads are much more appealing. If you are going bald, just shave your head if you don't want to wear a hair piece. But men hate women who put lip liner outside of their lips to make their aging lips look fuller or wear short skirts that women that age shouldn't wear. Most men will remember me as the woman that had all these animals everywhere. Duh! I live on a farm.

You made me laugh. I still want to hear your come back. I think my new man might have disappeared so I'm singing that song "Another bites the dust and another one down", or the guys I used to work with used to sing "On the road again when I would end a relationship". It's all part of life.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

Remember my old post of interprtations, or "read between the lines" such as
they take their own picture=they have no friends

well add to it
says they dont like to waste time, like watching t-v=manic, moves like a kid with pin worms
young for their age=immature middle aged man

 

[Gloria]

I have been asked out by two men who are "real". They are not in cyber space, I met them in the real world. Anyway this one guy is going to put me in touch with this woman who went out with 150 men on the internet and says she wants to write a book. I'm going to get in touch and talk to her. I'm very pleased with the guys I met. First of all, they already saw me in real life (no fake photos or pretense) so that's nice. Second of all, these guys don't like the internet because they only want to date one woman at a time and got burned on the internet when they dated a hottie and she was dating other men. They don't want to waste their time competing with thousands of men on the internet. That's exactly how I feel. So I have two "real" dates this weekend. There is this book called "The Rules". It's for women and tells them how to act with men. These guys picked me out all on their own and I was pleasant but not overly friendly. They chased me and this is the male thing. They want to feel that they are the conquerers and they are going after a prize. Since I don't want to say how old I am or give them any information about my marriages, how much I earn, what my education is and all the crap that people put right out on the internet, I'm mysterious.

BTW, I think stating your income level is really stupid. When I did it, I got a lot of men looking for a free ride and I'm sure women create searches to find rich men. My mother always told me that it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Maybe that's why I was married too many times.

 

[mamachick]

My neighbors husband left his email up on their shared computer and he had responses to his profile on a dating site-she knew his screen name from this but did not open his mails. She came to my house and got on computer, sure enough, there he was on a dating site-everything but his pic. Said he was seperated. Explains a lot of his strange behavior.

 

[Gloria]

Before internet dating, married men would actually sign up for dating services. How do I know? Because I was married to a man that was subscribed to a dating service and that's how he met his next wife. When the dating service would call our house, I would get really angry and tell them that they have the wrong number because "Joe" was my husband. Well, Joe told the dating service that I was his crazy housekeeper and not to pay any attention and that he only kept me on as a housekeeper because (sob, sob) he felt so sorry for my mental illness.

Then a few months later, I come home to find divorce papers in the mail and later found out he got someone pregnant. Okay.....

I think it is just so easy for men to pull off this separated crap when they are on-line. My handyman is here. He's been separated from his wife for seven years but never bothered to get a divorce because he is waiting for his daughter to turn 18. If he gets divorced, he is forced to pay child support. I hate dead beat dads. My ex refused to pay child support and I told him I would take him to court. He said you don't have a pot to piss in. You don't have enough money to feed your sons. You can't afford a lawyer so just shut up and take what I give you.

Well..... Then I found out that Department of Public Aid would take him to court for free. It was almost a year wait to get an appointment but I took the day off from work to go down and several months later, that man had to pay up or go to jail. So justice was served!!

 

[doglover]

I would just love to hear other's experiences with internet dating.

I am in the earliest stages of my process, still numb to a large chunk of my stuff right now, but I did meet someone who seems to have good qualities. Caring, considerate, gentle, not big on anger, experimented with things in college but not really dependent on them. Potentially co-dependent, but then I'm comparing his style to my detached avoidant style so his might be fine and healthy.

Anyway, I've tried a paid subscription and a couple free sites. Met the guy above and another quality person both on one of the free ones. At least as far as I've spent considerable time with them, they seem nice enough and considerate enough.

I did have to put up with a lot of silliness to meet those people. And even though I met them, I still have major relationship issues that keep me frozen instead of pairing up with someone... that's one of the main things I'm working on right now. I feel too independent.

But I can tell that either of those people, if I explained the fullness of my circumstances, especially since I've been friends with them for a bit, they would act with respect and understanding and try their hardest to do whatever it is I say I need. [Who knows, maybe I'm idealizing both of these people... but they have both seen me venting about this or the other thing and both were not dismissive or inattentive. Would it be cynical to add that I've also not slept with either guy and perhaps the inconsiderate behavior only comes then? :/]

If I weren't still so numb, I don't know if my experience would still sound like this, but right now I've been able to compartmentalize like a mofo so I've been able to limit the impact of my trauma to, well, the situation that is most triggering (relationships with men).

I think there are quite a few gentle and understanding gentlemen out there, some too anxious to have paired up by now. You might run into lots of shy guys in internet dating, but if you use common sense I think it doesn't have to be ruled out.

I'm a big believer in no one - no one - getting my number until I've spent time with them on at least three occasions. And it's often a much longer time before they get a whiff of my address.

 

[mamachick]

And I wish you the best with this. Im sure there are good people everywhere-even on these sights. Im not a member but cant help but on occassion using the sight for entertainment purposes, just as I do my horoscope.
My recent post about my neighbors husband just confirms for me what others have said.

 

[Gloria]

It's been raining men for me lately! For some reason, I'm getting hit on and pursued every place I go?? It's got to be that I am purposely trying to look nice as part of my goals with my therapist. But I was wearing my green Army one piece jumpsuit that is ripped and has twenty differnet splotches of paint from years of use and a man actually asked me for my phone number??

But I fell madly in lust last Sunday with a man 12 years younger than me that had no clue that he was only six years older than my son. :laugh: But unfortunately, he was very disappointed that I wasn't rich. He said he thought I was rich because I own three horses but that is not so. I told him I had a nice car and a beater. The beater wouldn't start and so when he walked me to my nice car, he said it really was a beater. I told him that this is my nice car and he pointed to his $50,000 Porsche that he said he only drives on weekends because his Mercedes gets better gas mileage when he drives downtown to his condo during the week. Rich men turn me off. I was married to rich men and you have to act like a rich person and rich people are very competitive about status symbols. I'm too old for that. I drive my 94 Geo Prism and the bumper is held up with cable ties and don't mind at all because it gets awesome gas mileage.

With the bad economy, I have heard stories about people being out of work and instead of looking for a job, look for a meal ticket on the internet.

 

[mamachick]

I dont have anything against the rich, but the ones who are so impressed with their cars and possessions and status are very boring and need to move on. The ones seeking a meal ticket, move on....The ones looking to get laid....move on.......lol

 

[anthony]

I remember this movie called "Leap Year", and basically the couple are money focused, then she meets a poor Irish man who brings her down to earth... when she is next with her rich fiancee, the apartment caught on fire and all he could think about was possessions to grab... thus she walked out the door, as the down to earth poor guy said earlier, let it all burn, just make sure you grab what is most important to you, being your partner and kids (human beings in general) and let it all burn... they are all replaceable / losable. Humans cannot be replaced once gone.

I remember that as extremely befitting to even help keep me grounded... let it all burn, grab the partner and kids and you have everything that is important in your life safe.

 

[mamachick]

Amen
Where I live, there seems to be little available people who are in between pretentious and poverty. Im not interested in either. Been there, done that, and uncomplicated and reliable I find very attractive.

 

[missd84]

Doglover, You are being very wise in keeping your number and address secret. I am not so good in this department sometimes. I've had both good and bad experiences with Internet dating. I've recently moved and have no friends down here so I am trying to venture out a little bit and use sites to help find friends and if it leads to more, then great I guess, and if not, oh well. It's very hard for me to trust but I don't want to be held captive to my fear any longer. Without friends, I am only isolating myself further.

I went on a date tonight that actually went very well. We are planning to go out again next week. I'm hoping I don't regret letting my wall down just a tiny bit.