Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Gloria]

You know I believe that in God all things are possible. There is a joke about a Jewish man who prays and begs God so that he will win the lotto. Finally, he gets angry and swears at God and God answers, "Buy a lotto ticket!". Well, you can't win the lottery unless you buy a lottery ticket. If God wants to put someone in your life, maybe you should give God every opportunity. I'm still absolutely delighted that my son met a very nice girl who he's been hiding from me and telling that they are just friends. Well, I guess they are more than friends. My son was engaged for three years to a gorgeous girl but she ran off with her old boyfriend and dumped my son who was heartbroken for three years. And this girl is ten times better looking than that little bitch that broke my son's heart. I gave her Chanel shoes and Chanel cashmere leggings but my son said he'd kill me if I called her up and asked for them back so I didn't. But I did get the canoe back that we loaned to the girl's family.

Rainrunner, keep everyone posted. We are dying to hear how you are doing!! I actually think that I have used my feminine charms to mesmerize a man I know. We talked about sex and he almost passed out and he told me he never saw me that way at all. I told him that I highly doubt that he is skilled and kinky enough for me and now he follows me like a puppy. I love Mae West. One of her quotes is "If you think that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then you better get another road map!". :laugh: I love it!!

 

[Rainrunner]

Meh. The guy was one of those who claims they are divorced and are only recently separated. What a jerk. He told me his "coach" (read: therapist) told him not to put that he was separated because he wouldn't get any dates. Right. So present yourself in a lie. That builds a nice trusting relationship. He then proceeded to tell me that his marriage was "over" a year before the legal proceedings and his ex and he had separated 3 months ago. Um, ok. Mine was "over" longer than that before I filed for divorce. Does that make me divorced 5 years instead of 1? How ridiculous.

He then tells me that his wife left him for another woman and was a very confused and depressed person, his daughter had a nervous breakdown at age 14 (she's now 15) and is in a special boarding school and his eldest daughter rarely wants to see him. Hmmmm….

If I had not wanted to finish my iced coffee without having to drive with it, I would have left right away. I even thought of letting loose with a burp to make him go away. As I'm leaving he asked for a hug and I gave him an "air hug" and then he asked if we could meet again and have dinner. I said I'd call him. Then I emailed to tell him I wouldn't see him again. He was "surprised". Ack.

On to the next lunatic….

 

[Gloria]

It is always a red flag when the man doesn't have a good relationship with children. I have heard the story that the wife left her husband for another woman so many times, I am wondering if half the women on this planet discover they are gay when they reach a certain age.

I still have not posted my profile again on the internet site. However, a couple of my male friends go back and forth with trying internet dating and interestingly one of them has decided that I would be a better choice than trying to meet a bch of kooks. So we'll see. I've known him five years. Another guy that is single has been my good friend for over fifteen years. We'll see.

Thanks for sharing Rainrunner. I want to hear all the stories and .if I get up enough nerve to try it again, I love sharing my experiences. In fact, we could even have a contest for the worst person that we met on the internet. Wait...... There are serial killers on these internet sites. Maybe we don't want to meet the worst! :inlove:

 

[anthony]

Dating sites have become so rife with nonsense, they just aren't worth there while these days IMO.

The statistics show vastly different than what many think is the solution, being online dating, that the majority of relationships form from meeting people in common areas of interest, ie. work is one, social gatherings and events another. People meet due to similarities typically... online dating allows a further falseness to be presented due to anonymity of the web vs. face to face meaning.

People who like kids, but don't want them... will get on instantly than someone who says they like kids, and "maybe" might want them one day, and the other partner takes that as, he or she will change their mind in the future and want what I want. Both people have to be on the same page near from the get go... if not, then the relationship is already headed for disaster.

Trust and similarities are the two biggest aspects for relationship longevity. You don't have to like the same things, but the important stuff in life, you must be quite equal. You either both want kids, or both don't. You either both want to get married, or both don't. You either both want to smoke, or you both don't.

The moment one of you changes something, the other MUST be willing to accommodate that change or change with them. If not... the relationship just caused a hiccup and possible issue that will snowball down the track.

Age has everything to do with it as well. Guys are less mature than females typically, but not always. You must both want the same things from finances, as finances are a huge part of a relationship that will cause immense stress if something radically changes that the other is not already accepting off.

Nicolette and I often call this "froot loops" to one another, because we both acknowledge each others strengths and weaknesses, allowing both parties to define and run the relationship where each others strengths lay. A lot of little things can addup to big issues... one big thing can break a relationship, ie. trust, finances, etc, if not already discussed and accepted.

 

[Gloria]

Anthony,
You really stated everything very succinctly and thank your for your insights. I was married many times but the one marriage that lasted the longest was to a man that was the total opposite of me but there was communication, trust and love. Do I want me somebody like me?:eek: Heavens NO!! I think the world can only handle one person like me!

Thanks for your input. You and Nicolette seem to have a wonderful relationship. I like both of you so much! Both of you are very candid and say what's on your mind. Even if I don't agree 100% with someone, I still prefer someone to be straight with me and tell me what they think. It builds trust.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

I lasted 20 years in a marraige where we were opposites. There were benefits. However, I was extremely vulnerable following this relationship. I think that is because the things that are important to me were not honored. His priority was earning a living and committment to work. Mine was family(kids, parents, etc) but also having an intimate partner relationship. Never having a date with my husband, getting a card, feeling like a priority, left me vulnerable to someone coming along and filling those needs.
Opposites attract, alikes endure. Sometimes these dating sites ask what is most important. Its all important. Just depends on the extent of things. How important is having money? Im inclined to answer "not very" but I am not ok with a guy that does not work, has no money, and cant pay rent. How important is sex? not priority unless partner has no interest. Again, alike endure in my opinion

 

[Gloria]

I just joined an internet dating site for people who have horses. Have you seen the movie Hildago? Well, this guy was a total drunk but he loved his horse. Anyone that loves their horse and treats them well is okay with me. If nothing else, I will be able to talk horses. The last two men that I met on-line were terrified of my horses. Of course, when they first contacted me they told me they were really good riders and then later that they even came near a horse in their life.

 

[Gloria]

Tried an intenet dating site just for people who have horses. Have talked to 10 men and none of them have a horse??? So why join an internet dating site for horse lovers? Some of them don't even ride?? Is it because they think that woman that own horses have money. Women who own horses are completely broke!! My horses eat me out of house and home (and the vet bills!!!) :geek: I have belonged to these meet up groups for years and have only gone to two meetup activities and none this year. But a guy that lives near me and works out, wrote me and asked me out?? I guess when you are not looking you find it. I want to hear all about other people internet adventures. I find them so amusing!!

 

[mamachick]

Doesnt matter where or how you meet them, BEWARE, just have to decide if their issues will enhance or complicate your life. With my issues, I have less tolerence for other s complicated issues and probably get hurt easier. I had a few dates with what seemed like a nice enough guy, then he stifled on communication. Expected me to drive 2 hrs to travel with him to some party, but very vague on the details. Then his friend was going with, but he was in a big hurry because his friend was waiting on him, etc. My gut said it just didnt sound right. I did not go. In the past, I would continue, curiousity maybe. I dont care now-for a professional man, he evidently thinks I fell off a turnip truck.

Im not saying I wont give another a chance again, Im just saying the chances are very slim, and frankly, I care much less.

 

[Jami Youngblood]

Wow what a ptsd trigger, I think internet dating really messed me up more. I am to sick to let strangers near me. I had to except that.

 

[Gloria]

wow what a ptsd trigger, I think internet dating really messed me up more. I am to sick to let strangers near me. I had to except that.

Dear JY,
Don't be offended if you get slapped around a bit because you included the whole. It takes a little while to get used to the rules on this forum! But welcome new member! Yes, there are out there that either want to marry you or kill you but they are all out there and you have to try figure out how to recognize them. It's too crazy for me.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Orsino]

Internet dating has worked very well for me. I'm in a successful long term long distance relationship with my now Fiancee. Its not an ideal situation but we're making it work as best we can. She got me thought some very hard times and in turn I've done the same for her, I can't imagine not having her around now. We have our space, but we have our time together. Personally, i feel like i prefer this with her now than having something physical with someone here. I guess some people might think im mad for it but to me it feels like the best thing I've done. We're beginning soon to start looking at Universities together. Post traumatic stress disorder does make it difficult sometimes, and it does make me more anxious when i do get to see her, i still have the fears I'll go into an episode in front of her, but shes extremely helpful, idk, she actually wants to learn about it and how to help me when i go into one, so she'd know how to deal with it, shes been there for me more than anyone in person has ever been for the exception of my family.

I know long distance might fail for some people but i believe that it works differently for each person, what happens for some might not happen for others, and vice versa. I've had a few failed ones, which have ended quite badly but the way i see it the two girls from my past didn't really see it as something they wanted to keep up, which i guess is up to them and their loss.