I am all for technology-I love my iphone and apple. I appreciate all the advancements and being able to be in contact with loved ones from anywhere anytime. Getting photo's from a friend in another country on my phone, shopping on line while I wait in the doctors office-all great. Yet I think that internet dating will never be the way for me. People say it is good because they dont have time to meet dates. Well if they dont have time to meet-they probably dont have time for a relationship either. Healthy relationships are an investment of time, energy, and work.
I think that internet dating is disappointing because it does not provide for the human connection that we find in real meetings. Its impersonal. You can read all the right words and the pic can be attractive and yet when you meet, there may be no connection or clicking of personalities. For me-it takes away from being a human being. I think humans are much too complex to sum it up in a profile-and if we did-who would want to read that much. Then it is not objective report, it is self report. Just because I may say Im witty and loyal, that is very subjective and someone else may think Im an obnoxious co-dependent. There is a chemistry between people that you wont know until you meet. When its not there for me, some see it as rejection. (Attraction is not chemistry). In my experience, men I have met are usually attracted to me so want to pursue a relationship. I do not because there is not that unexplainable chemistry (intellectual, spiritual, combination???) Whats that do for ones self esteem? Some men I have met are very nice-just not for me. I am not willing to settle at this point in my life. I could have stayed married if I were willing to settle. I was more compatable with my ex than those Ive met.
If we all put the whole truth-likely nobody would contact me. Is it deceptive or self preservation?
Example: I have ptsd and have lost my assertiveness skills but am working on regaining through therapy. Due to this, I have become frustrated and misdirected my anger at times. However, I do recognize and will apologize promptly. I also have issues with trust. There are many reasons for this but being assaulted by a police officer has caused me to seem "paranoid" about those with power. Dont worry-I am not. My fears are legitimate. One of my kids is a drug addict and the other is a smart ass. She is extremely intellegent and successful. The smart ass still has not accepted her fathers absence and will make your life miserable if you are present in my life.(Any takers-lol)
We all have some baggage if we have lived all these years. When we create our profile, of course we are not going to list our faults -we are selling ourselves, so is everyone else. I think it is very superficial. I did this and did not post a picture. I got no contacts. Then I posted a few pictures and had over 1000 views in less than a month and about 100 emails. While there is nothing wrong with wanting someone easy on the eyes, I am more than that but since all the words can be just bs, photos are the main reason for initiating contact.
When we meet someone in person, be it at the gym, through work, through a hobby, etc, we have the benefit of seeing their mannarisms, of using our own judgements ( what I might see as a good sense of humor may not be another womans idea of it). We have the benefit of getting to know that person without expectations. Maybe I am old fashioned in this area but I just dont think internet dating is my cup of tea. However, I am intrigued by it and like to read the profiles but dont ever see myself pursuing a relationship this way.
James B-I strongly agree in the down time. I know I am worth it. Only when I am healthier will I be able to invest in a relationship and attract the kind of man that I am attracted to.
