Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Prettysmile]

You are a very smart woman!

Thank you! I recommend that anyone meeting anyone online for the first time do the same! Many states criminal records are public record over the internet. No it does not make you crazy or sneaky it makes you very pre cautious! I would also meet them in very public place where there are lots of people such as a restaurant or lounge but never at your home or work! There are too many nightmare stories involving internet dating. However, I am totally for it. Its alot easier. Its like shopping online vs. walking around the malls for hours trying to find exactly what you want. Online you get to narrow your search. Now it is up to you to make the judgment call to see who is an original vs who is a "knock off aka fake!"

 

[ms spock]

My Marine was too perfect. There had to be a catch. There it was PTSD. But you know what, Its okay. I look at him as three demensions. I fell in love with all I knew of him so now this PTSD is another part of him so I just take it as a package deal and find ways of living with it. His symptoms arent soo extreme so for me it isnt really that hard.

So you love him for who and what he is - that is such a gift.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Thank you! I recommend that anyone meeting anyone online for the first time do the same! Many states criminal records are public record over the internet. No it does not make you crazy or sneaky it makes you very pre cautious! I would also meet them in very public place where there are lots of people such as a restaurant or lounge but never at your home or work!

Wise words indeed! Doing a background check could cull some of the wheat from the chaff!

ms spock

 

[Gloria]

In Australia there is at least one guy that meets really needy women online moves in a week later and demands $2,000 to leave. It did happen to my ex's ex.

I have been married too many times. My last husband was from another country and was moving back to his country. Afraid that if he left, I might never get a divorce from him I paid him off to get my divorce.

I should try that honestly!!! I have got 3 dogs, 2 cats, and I could bring my two goats. Boy! They would pay me to move out fast!!! :p You made me laugh this morning!!

 

[Gloria]

I haven't been out with anyone since I broke up with my ex in early Feb. I have the hots for the guy who is before me when I go to see my psychiatrist.

That is really tragic I know.

He is a cutie though. So we have a 2 minute conversation once a week. Probably best to leave it at that.

ms spock

I'm totally in love with this foreigner who is much younger than me but has such a cute accent. But can we PTSD sufferers handle having a sexual fling without freaking out?

 

[Gloria]

That can be a problem with the internet. Anyone can be whatever they want behind the screen and no one would ever know.

Recently had a problem with that on the forum. It can happen on the forum as well as on internet dating. You know people (that have problems with real relationships) get infatuated and imagine something that isn't there.

 

[Gloria]

I am very happy that I started this thread. I wanted to spark discussions about the internet dating thing because it's such a big part of the dating scene. You know I have friends that don't have PTSD that want to join the forum because I've told them about this thread that I started on internet dating and they would absolutely love to share their stories and listen to others!!

This thread has helped me a lot. I tried internet dating and so have many of my friends from this forum and we all kind of walked away because we decided we were too fragile. You have to be pretty street smart and thick skinned to put yourself out there. I used to have my picture on my avatar but took it down because I got hurt. I will put it out there again. But being on internet dating puts you out there. No matter what you say your criteria is for the person that you want to date, anybody can pretend and contact you. A friend just recently told me that the person that hurt me might even be an abusive man that got on to the forum. I know for a fact that there was a man that got excited when he read about sexual assault. I don't care. But this is not a pretty thought. I found out that there are men that go on the internet dating sites and find a profile and picture and use it to masturbate. Well, I would be shocked but it's nothing new.

I'm not doing the internet dating thing because I got an obscene e-mail on Christmas day from someone on the internet site. I almost left this forum because I didn't want to expose myself and have someone use my trauma to hurt me (that is really sick!) But I think that by not letting people intimidate me and putting my picture out there and really being very open about my feelings helps people and I'm not going to let some sadistic people stop me. If I did let them stop me, then it would be like letting my sadistic father still have power over me. He's long dead and I will not allow anyone to hurt me so badly that I will withdraw into myself. I think I have too much to offer.

This thread has been uplifting to me. If you do move, please let me know. For now, I'm just happy the way it is.

Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

Oh boy, I'm like really cynical about male intentions. I assume any guy I go out with just wants to sleep with me. Part of the problem with that, is it's been proven true before.

I have decided to just wait longer than average to go there with a potential partner. Like three months plus. That way if they are just interested in sex they will get bored or impatient and leave before I go there. Easier than waiting until after.

I'm mad at the men who did that to me, because they made it possible for me to have sex without feeling any attachment. I don't get attached with sex because it would hurt too much if it turned out to be all they wanted.

A man who wants sex will lie to get it sometimes. It recently happened to me. Oh well. I make it a three month rule myself. Any guy that will stick it out for three months is not just after sex.
Good luck!!!
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[ms spock]

I'm totally in love with this foreigner who is much younger than me but has such a cute accent. But can we PTSD sufferers handle having a sexual fling without freaking out?

I have no idea Gloria! I have no idea at all. I have some of the questions of life. And I am getting closer to seeing other questions that are important to ask in life. As for the answers - Egads! I just don't know.

The trains were running late and I didn't get to have the ususal chat with that guy - I missed out on about 1 minute and 45 seconds of our quality time! He asked me how I was going and I said jovially "grumble, complain, whinge" and we both laughed. I asked him how he was but I knew the answer before he answered he was good today. I have no idea if he is a superhero or married with four kids but I do enjoy our two minutes. Damn that planned track work which I didn't pay enough attention to LMAO!

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

A man who wants sex will lie to get it sometimes. It recently happened to me. Oh well. I make it a three month rule myself. Any guy that will stick it out for three months is not just after sex.
Good luck!!!
Hugs,
Gloria

You manage three months! *wiggles ears* That is impressive!

:D

What do you do when you really want to have sex in that time period?

Just joking. I haven't had sex now for some time. The last year of my relationship we just didn't have any sex. That could have been a sign that things were not going well. But I also went on the neulactil and the side effects were pretty rugged.

The three month rule is a pretty good one I think. I generally stick to that.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

If I did let them stop me, then it would be like letting my sadistic father still have power over me. He's long dead and I will not allow anyone to hurt me so badly that I will withdraw into myself. I think I have too much to offer.

Gloria I am glad you recognise that you have a lot to offer! About time! Well done! And "Hooray for you!" I mean that in the most sincere way possible!

Sometimes coming out of denial is not such a bad thing after all! (LOL)

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I am very happy that I started this thread. I wanted to spark discussions about the internet dating thing because it's such a big part of the dating scene.
I almost left this forum because I didn't want to expose myself and have someone use my trauma to hurt me (that is really sick!) But I think that by not letting people intimidate me and putting my picture out there and really being very open about my feelings helps people and I'm not going to let some sadistic people stop me. If I did let them stop me, then it would be like letting my sadistic father still have power over me. He's long dead and I will not allow anyone to hurt me so badly that I will withdraw into myself. I think I have too much to offer.
Hugs,
Gloria

I am so glad that you are not letting your sadistic father win.

During the last 6-8 weeks I haven't committed suicide because it would so please my sadistic psychopathic mother and father.

I have a lot of responsibility in a range of communities.

Also the hurt it would cause others would be too much. I have been the one saying to everyone "We have to stay alive! If we don't hang in there - where will the next generation come for solace, comfort and understanding?" I think forums like this create a cultural space which is so important and is a type of foundation for future intergenerational change.

I have always thought even if I can't do anything else, being alive is such a powerful act and so strategic in supporting the next generation. I don't know if everyone who is on this forum understands this but my feeling is that we are all more than we seem or feel at this time. If we reply, if we read, if we start conversations, if we cheer some one on, if we read and go "Oh that is so me!" however we are here reading, lurking, posting or putting comments in our trauma diaries we are doing something that amounts to what I believe is significant social change. We are all dealing with our stuff (in the best way we can at this time) so those that come after us won't go down as many dead ends as us. They won't suffer the same stigma some of us (particularly me) have suffered.

Hopefully they won't suffer the same crushing aloneness and avoidance behaviours of disassociation, derealisation and depersonalisation and falling asleep that have me almost on the floor at this time. I just keep getting up on my knees. Maybe we won't be able to make the pain less but reading what you are or have been or are fighting or suffering hopefully gives you (and the next generation) that strength to go on.

ms spock