What Is So Great About Sobriety?

[Doc]

I find self medication the best medication. I hate hospitals. I do better than now than when I served and attended law school. I wonder if people don't tell me it is wrong to live in an altered state of consciousness b/c they are afraid of me or b/c I am super successful. You know what helps the anger, depression, and nightmares for me? Doing what makes me happy. I don't need to be sober to run a multimillion project. If I fu@k it, well it is only my money and I made it all while I was Fu@ked up.

 

[Jacquie]

Wow. Is this the same person who wrote this?

yeah me too. sometime they call the cops and or security. that doesn't help. i don't back down very well and always have guns and knives. it is always BS. One time they told me I couldn't eat in the cafeteria b/c I was in a wheelchair the other time they told me to park my truck in the circle next to 10 other cars b/c it was too tall for the parking garage then they security told me he was going to tow it. i was a cop. like most cops, i believe most security guards are people rejected from law enforcement. i can't take crap from from them. i'd rather die and take them with me.

 

[Srain]

If alcohol isn't a problem we usually don't try to defend it and you don't think it's an issue then why are you posting this?

peace,
Rain

 

[Srain]

However....if you are drinking and driving....then you become a problem ...you can and most likely will hurt other people...so that's not entirely true.

 

[doglover]

This thread isn't about accomplishments or successes.

 

[Ted Moen]

Well Doc, if we each lived in an independent personal bubble I would agree with you. But we don't. In group, we have had people who chose to mask their symptoms with alcohol rather than actually participate in therapy (beyond showing up for group). We got to watch their skin turn chalky and their eyes yellow, got to see the people they left behind to deal with the futility of caring when they seemingly didn't care about themselves.

The challenge is to learn to live, to participate in relationships and activities appropriate to our situation, while managing the old stuff, the intense thoughts and feelings that are triggered by participating in relationships and activities, that goes on in the background.

Self medication is just avoidance, and very hurtful to everyone who cares about you.

And the alcohol will only work for a while until it starts consuming you, adding to your PTSD challenges rather than providing relief.

Let the people on the forum and the others in your situation support you in learning to live better with PTSD.

Ted

 

[intothelight]

Doc,

I moved this thread from Accomplishment & Successes to PTSD: Medications, Substances & Naturopathy. Although you may be very successful professionally, the heart of your post was the advantages of self-medication. This is why I moved it, as this is what the discussion is revolving around.

Debbie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I rarely feel sorry for people, but I do feel sorry for you... (Yes, I am very aware of the sympathy vs empathy issue...)

Why?

Because you are very clearly at a point in your life where you have found one and only way to cope. Have you given up hope of finding anything better? If you think psychiatrists and medications are your only other option, you are sorely mistaken.

Maybe one day you'll wake up and hate where your life has ended up, and really want to change...

Until then, continue on your destructive path as you wish...

 

[doglover]

If you don't drive, don't have close relationships or children, then self-medication is fine I'd say.

I've used self-medication before too so I understand how it seems like an easy choice. But it doesn't work well for the long-term and doesn't really help me make healthy choices. I'd like to make healthy choices. And I'd like to be a constructive influence for others - self-medication usually leads to having a more destructive influence. Because it doesn't really hide the pain - it leaks out anyway. It's not the only way to cope.

Honestly, Doc, I think you're reaching out here by saying the things you're saying. And you know, I commend you for that. Takes lots of strength and courage. You'll find some great friends and warm reception here, if you want to try and heal.

 

[Gamereign555]

I can't keep up with being my good self and keeping my ptsd in check if I'm high all the time. Being sober I'm able to do the things that need to be done, chores, job searches, things like that. Drinking and smoking pot feels pretty good but it doesn't treat or cure anything, it's just another drug. I find it okay to do it every now and then, I smoke some pot once a year if that, I don't bother seeking it out. If I drink more than once a week I have trouble, the ptsd gets harder to deal with.
I suppose this is my opinion but even if there was a way to avoid ptsd by being high all the time, it would leave me a worthless mess, someone would probably have to support me 100% as I wouldn't care to do anything useful for anybody.

 

[BloomInWinter]

What Is So Great About A Slow, Painful Suicide?

...and no amount of success is worth the h3ll of existing in an active addiction. Not ever again. Not for me.

Yeah, Sobriety sucks a lot of the time.

....but the alternative?

You can grab any bottom on the way down....and I hope you don't have to be another ex-cop obit.

Your life can have meaning, joy, and peace someday.

Wishing you hope and comfort...

 

[Doc]

Yes Jackie, same guy. Bad huh? I used to be role mode, now I feel like a disaster.

Hi Rain, thanks for posting. I don't know if it is a problem. Society looks down on people who drink and take drugs on a daily basis. I feel like I am doing wrong. In the past I dedicated my life to helping others and making society a better place. Now, I moved out of society. I live in the rainforrest. and ride my horses to the bars and the beach. If I ever hurt someone through my drunkeness I would not be able to live with myself for a single and would end it all.

Dog lover, Love the name. I have four dogs myself. I know this isn't about success. However, I always thought a measure of addiction is how well you function in society. I am constantly under the influence of something and yet manage to take care of family, friends, and employees very well. When I am clear headed I can't get thoughts of of my head. With out drugs and alcohol I can't sleep. With out sleep I can't function. You are right I am reaching out. I am doing it for my daughter. I had a plan to kill myself but wanted to make sure she would be taken care of before I did it. I made enough money to put a trust fund together so she could have everything she needed (except me). But, my life is physical and mental pain. I am afraid I may make things worse for her if I am here. I don't see me ever getting better. The drugs help me forget and say Fu@k it to my problems.

Ted you hit the nail on the head when you said I am putting myself in a bubble. I moved to a mountain top compound. It has an ocean view but, I have surrounded myself with security and only allow in friends and family. I do avoid the world. Now I like to surf alone or ride my horses (which I can't do for another two months bc of the last operations). I just want to forget the past and live in now. I know it is wrong buy drugs do that for me.

Dear Scared of Lonely: Part of my problem is that I think my path my be bad but, it has lead to a great life. Druing the last 7 years I have had 53 operations. In between them I made enough money to retire in a style that is beyond my dreams and give my daughter a fund to cover her education all the way through her doctorate. I don't know of anyone that has a better life except for the extreme pain that comes from having my body torn apart and bolted back together again and the mental issues. I know the drugs and alcohol are bad but the pain is unbearable. What am I to do? What is the the sympathy vs empathy issue? Every day I wake up and think I am in paradise and family and friends do too. The drugs allow me to enjoy it. I feel guilty because everything has worked out for me now. I am so conflicted. There is a mountain of great things in my life and an equally deep valley of pain and suffering.

Thanks Debbie for correcting my error.

Bloom in Winter: "What Is So Great About A Slow, Painful Suicide?" The drugs and alcohol take away my pain. As far as suicide goes, I think this keeps me farther away from letting the pain build up to the point where I choose a quick departure. By Obit do you mean Obituary? If so, no I plan to go front page. There are some people alive only because it is illegal to kill them. I will be taking as many of them out with me as possible (with out collateral damage). The top of my list is the killer of my ex and our unborn baby. There are a long list of rapists and child molesters that follow. I try to do a little good in everything I do, even if if involves extermination and suiicide :)