General Don't Want To See People...which Is Why You All Are So Great

[Redheaded Stranger]

Okay, didn't know where to put this and don't know how to handle it.

I don't want to leave the house. I didn't go to Mother's Day. I didn't want to go to work but did and locked myself in my office. Did make it to a funeral this afternoon but 5 minutes into the Wake, I ran out. All I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV (and there is noting on but I don't care).

I don't want anyone to ask me about HIM. I mean, what do I say? People are starting to find out about the big uncontrollable changes in his life and I won't explain any of it or how it has affected our relationship. But I live in a very small town (1 stop light) and between us, we know everyone. And I'm so unhappy that it shows on my face and I feel like a big fraud. I am a big truthteller and hate putting on a fake smile and saying that everything is fine.

And the absolute worst part is that I KNOW THAT HE IS HURTING SO BADLY and I can't do anything about it. I'm a troubleshooter. I fix problems and I can't fix this! He won't let me in. Probably nothing I could do anyway, but he won't let anyone in.

I don't know what to do. How can I be around people when I can't talk about anything? I just want to crawl into a cave and hide.

I hate whining.

But here's another whine. He was my best friend as well as the love of my life. My phone is so quiet.......

Please don't say I'm depressed. I'm sad but resolute in my decision to stick by him. But there are people who are really depressed which is a medical condition. I'm just sad and weepy and apparently whining which I hate...sigh. I just need to know how to be around people....

Red

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

And the absolute worst part is that I KNOW THAT HE IS HURTING SO BADLY and I can't do anything about it. I'm a troubleshooter. I fix problems and I can't fix this! He won't let me in. Probably nothing I could do anyway, but he won't let anyone in.

I don't know what to do. How can I be around people when I can't talk about anything? I just want to crawl into a cave and hide.

I hate whining.

But here's another whine. He was my best friend as well as the love of my life. My phone is so quiet.......

Please don't say I'm depressed. I'm sad but resolute in my decision to stick by him. But there are people who are really depressed which is a medical condition. I'm just sad and weepy and apparently whining which I hate...sigh. I just need to know how to be around people....
Red

Red, I've always been a fixer too. You've made a tough decision and you not being 'fine' is to be expected, you're adjusting to a difficult situation. It sounds like you're just about managing to keep your head above water. If you can confide in your manager or someone in HR, maybe they can help. Keeping the office door shut maybe out of character but sometimes it helps to just keep your head down and not everyone needs/wants to know the details of what's happening. Colleagues will have noticed the difference in you and be wondering what's up but management can diffuse that if you let them.

What you are experiencing is a bereavement and some people find counselling helpful. (I'm deff not saying you're depressed but talking to your GP might be helpful.)

It's important you go out with friends, it doesn't have to be anything fancy if you don't have the resources (emotional, physical or financial) but get out and do something for yourself then you'll have something to talk about. It takes small steps. Take care.

 

[Steph_F]

text/call me anytime. My heart is breaking for you. I know this feeling all too well. I doubt I'll be able to say anything that will help you, but I can listen and I do care. Don't suffer alone my friend.

~Stephanie

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Stephanie! Pull that number off there right now! You don't know who reads these posts!

The thought is so much appreciated but pull that off, goofy-girl! :D Really super sweet gesture....

And don't worry, I wrote it down and will use it before I just can't stand it any more.

But for your own safety, please edit that post and pull off the number!

 

[Steph_F]

Haha! Done! I was gonna take it off as soon I knew u got it. I tried to send it as a PM, but I was on my phone and it would not let me. Glad u got it though ;)

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Wonderful, sweet, goofy girl! Thanks....:)

 

[Mockingbird13]

Red - I was there too... except It was this past Christmas... I sent my daughter who still lives at home to her sisters and I spent Christmas...ALONE !!! It sucked - I cried, and cried and cried - like you I did not want to deal with people asking me questions - It was bad enough that I had gone to a work Christmas party and was asked - "So what's it like being a single parent"..... are you kidding me ??? - I kindly excused myself and left... and yes cried that night away as well.

I even went so far as to change churches because I didnt want to keep answering the same questions and feeling the hurt - gosh, just the mention of his name sends a knife into my heart.

It was and still is a mourning.... thankfully I am getting better everyday - No I have not lost my love and support for him, but I learned that I needed to become stronger - I did not want to become like him and isolate... I needed to be a Mother to our daughter still at home, and knew this was not the way.

Whats hard is when he would come by I would start to see a glimmer of the old him and I was elated it was like Hope was teasing me, because as quickly as it came, it left.

I tell my daughter - If I didint love him so much, this would be easy....

and just like you I lost my husband of 20 years, my best friend, the father to our kids, the love of my life...it truly feels like everything - gone are the phone calls and texts, no more goofing around, nothing ...I hate being alone...

I am blessed that I have my daughter at home, and good friends - my boss is aware of things and he has given me support as well - he knows when I just started to cry to give me a few moments. I believe we all need our own time to mourn, because it is a loss of so much.

I told our daughter that is still at home that " this may be one of the toughest things we have to deal with, but I know that we will get through this, - do not let this define you or let it be an excuse to stop you from living. The journey will be hard, but its how you get through it that will make you stronger.." sometimes I have to remind myself of my own advice.

Hang in there....... Im getting through this and so will you.