General Ptsd Sufferers Cant Feel The Love Emotion?

[Anna]

Sad but true. I quite often find myself feeling numb. Sometimes wonder if I love my partner. Sometimes wonder if I can ever love again. It is like a void of nothingness.

My partner loves me. In a way I envy them for feeling love, something I am unable to do when I am numb. I don't want to hurt them and I care about them. I am careful what I say try not to be hurtful. The truth is though, I feel so empty. When they moan about little things it annoys me. So I try to avoid them when they annoy me so I don't get angry with them.

I miss feeling love, and I wish I could feel like that again. The tingly feeling like you say. You are so lucky. Enjoy this feeling that you have.

 

[Tinyflame]

It's my experience that sufferer's feel everything- perhaps too much, although ('we') frequently don't express it as easily, and perhaps in different ways, unique to each person. And I think not as likely without privacy/ security.

But (my) numbness is usually preceeded by anger, the stress-cup overload etc.
It is also difficult if one doesn't feel safe or is on adrenaline-overload.
Unfortunately, trying to 'snap out of it; is like saying 'hurry up and relax!" :(

Best wishes to you-

 

[BrazenBull]

Hey MsPositive40

I'm kind of in the same situation only I'm the guy with the PTSD. Maybe it's just me but I like it when she is just there to just be a best friend when I'm in a horrible mood. Maybe that's what he needs right now.

I doubt myself alot when it comes to people and relationships. Let him know that It's normal and that you love him.

 

[stuff]

I've suffered with emotional numbness throughout my life. I don't think it's that those emotions are no longer there. It's just that the traumas you endure cause you to create this armour around them so you can survive. Out of all the emotions you can feel, love is the one that renders you the most vulnerable, so it can be terrifying to even consider feeling those emotions. It's a protective/survival defense to kill that sensation the second it appears. I've been in therapy for three years, and the difference in being able to feel and express my emotions is night and day since I started, but love is still hard. It's not that I don't feel it now, but that I feel it so strongly that it overwhelms me, so my response is to panic and push the people I care about away from me. The pushing away could almost be considered an act of love, because you are so worried you won't be able to give the other person what you feel in your heart they deserve. Having reassurance when I push away is rare, but profound when it does happen. I don't know if that makes things any better, but maybe gives a bit of a window to what's going on inside.

 

[Prettysmile]

Out of all the emotions you can feel, love is the one that renders you the most vulnerable, so it can be terrifying to even consider feeling those emotions. It's a protective/survival defense to kill that sensation the second it appears.

Stuff..Wow, This sounds like my Boyfriend 100%. . I want to thank you soo much for responding to this thread. I've had alot of good feed back but I must say your response is the most informative response that makes complete sense. You are a sufferer so I take what you say very seriously. So let me ask you, Because it sounds like yes indeed you can feel love, but you dont like what it does to you such as making you feel vulnerable. What do you think would make you feel more comfortable with the situation? How would you like this person to act towards you so that it wont freak you out? Both of us know how we feel about each other so I know deep down he doesn't want to see me go. What is it that I need to do to stay around, allow him to love me without him feeling vulnerable? I know this is a huge question, and its okay if you don't know the answer, but neither do I. ( deep sigh)

 

[NutritionNerd]

I understand this one first hand. Imagine what it would be like to wake up in the morning and not care about anyone - to not feel love or even liking towards your children or your spouse. Being emotionally numb you don't feel anything.

Then imagine waking up the next morning and feeling all those emotions. Like the day before was someone else. It isn't as much a conscious process as you are making it out to be - he doesn't decide he doesn't like feeling emotions or love. His subconscious (IMHO the Amygdala) decides it for him.

This state of numbness is confusing for the person with PTSD until you become aware of it and understand that it is your mind's defense against getting hurt. Dissociation and multiple ego states are responsible for this phenomenon. When you understand that is what happening and trust that the love you felt yesterday is still there but hiding, you can be more careful about things like chosing to break up.

There is a really good book on relationships called "Mindful Loving" by Grayson. In it he says that love is an act - a verb not a noun. And that in the giving of it we experience it and therefore never need it from others. You can look at your relationship as an opportunity for personal growth. You can look at PTSD that way as well.

 

[Tinyflame]

I would say be trusting and trustworthy.
Be stable when he is not, and honest, and consistent.
And try to stay calm. Try not to be verbally abusive, try to be forgiving.

-JMHO.

 

[ronin47]

I think you're confusing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with Reactive Attachment Disorder :cautious:.

My stepfather, as far as I know, does not have PTSD. However when his buisness went down the tubes, he told my mother similar things to what your man is telling you, "You should leave me and be with someone who can support your." It has less to do with capacity to love and more to do with personal self esteem.

 

[NutritionNerd]

No My I've been diagnosed by a professional. There are a whole lot more symptoms than I'm describing. Dissociation and numbness are PSTD symptoms. I got it from my husband's suicide attempt.

 

[Prettysmile]

Be stable when he is not, and honest, and consistent.
And try to stay calm. Try not to be verbally abusive, try to be forgiving.

Thanks so much for this and I have and its extremely hard.

 

[Prettysmile]

It has less to do with capacity to love and more to do with personal self esteem.

I believe this has alot to do with it. I guess I was stuck on the whole idea of "love will conquer all"..

 

[MsPositive40]

Thank you Brazenbull,

I really appreciate your honesty. This helps me a lot. I will for sure keep that in mind.
Hope everything get better for you... :)

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