I have huge issues with eating. I am locked in several vicious cycles around it. I almost always have nausea the minute something stresses me the least little bit. If I am in a hypervigilant state, triggered, anxious or going through a rougher period the nausea turns to daily gagging, retching attacks which became completely uncontrollable last year in that when they happen I can no longer contain them until I am in private. Now it has happened in front of family, friends, therapist and the general public. If things are bad it turns to vomiting. With this ever present nausea I don't eat enough, then when I try to "make" myself eat because I know I need to, I am triggered by the very idea of making myself eat.
The more trauma therapy I go through the worse this gets. If we talk about certain things, my T sort of discretely puts the trash can next to me--just lovely.
There are foods that I can't even really think about without being triggered, a texture that instantly pushes me over the brink and I can't tolerate one entire food group. But one of my worst triggers of all is the sound of a chair scraping on linoleum (triggered myself with the thought), as it's the sound I heard while physically, hysterically fighting my abuser while the rest of the "family" watched TV in the other room-----all the time.
