How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[Deleted member 93]

Mine isn't so bad today, finally snapping out of it not being as pissy at everyone and getting out of bed, just to go back to doc in a couple days to do it all over again huh... tiring.

My 2 year old has been hell on wheels. Hubs said he did not mind if I took a little nap after I got home and made him and the little one a big breakfast. Only to get woken to him screaming momma momma momma at me. He had let her go to the bathroom alone as she usually does, she just calls for assistance for cleaning if she does #2. He said she was in there too long and she has blood everywhere and all over her hands. OK I freak rushing in... To find, are you ready? She had opened the cabinet next to the toilet and found momma's red nail polish (for my toes) and was sitting on the commode doing her nails LOL! I have a panic disorder, don't do that, yelling covered in blood! I put it all up for her just to sneak in and do it all over a few hours later after lunch, grrr.... She did it as neatly as any 2 yo could. Cracked me up that she was in there long enough to use my base coat too. I have not done my nails in forever so she was mimicing her teen sis. She has been in everything, climbing out windows, and has thrown at me or her dad anything she could get her little paws on. Last potty trip she threw a fit and did that "go limp" thing they do and I had to drag her in the living area with dad before I went to get the other kids. I left her in the floor in front of him and an hour later I get back, she is passed out where I left her covered in nail polish and her britches still around her ankles. She is ASLEEP and still, I am not touching her! He did tell me again he did have a new found appreciation being a stay home mother and I do do a lot!

I think the weather has to do with me being in a better mood. Overcast and rainy. Not near as hot as it has been so we have not been sweltering in heat all day.

I do need to crown my teens, they have pissed me off and have it coming... But I just am too damn worn out from the 2 year old to do it. Why do teens have to act like teens?????????

 

[purdyamos]

Hello again,

Feeling a bit better than I did above. I feel very self-conscious when I offload that sort of stuff, usually I just stew in my head, trying to avoid some form of self-abuse. :dummy-spi

I went swimming and sobbed the whole time, came back, phoned a helpline for ages, had some food and wine (just the one glass). Now I'm exhausted and frail. I'm not suicidal but I wish I'd never been born. I just want to stop and be another person but I can't.

I know all the things I should think about positive thinking and all that, but I get so overwhelmed there isn't anything else in the world when my head gets like that. There's no evidence to the contrary. Now at my age I physically can't bear being within sight of families and couples. I've just had enough of it and my tolerance has worn out. Everyone and everywhere are people who have someone, or know what it's like to have had someone. I've done all the things you are supposed to do, I've been a model student and taken all the advice and I'm still totally alone. It's like a raw open wound that keeps festering and I can't make it go away. And it's going to get worse because more and more of my trauma is coming to the surface and there's no-one there with any love. :crazy:

I'll be alright another day.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I could use that button sometimes... uh oh, it just woke up, and not happily.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Veiled,

I just love your posts about the toddler and the teenagers. Don't ask me for advice on teenagers, I think they should be dropped on another planet until they become human again! As for toddlers, endearing, tiring little creatures aren't they? Ours is at daycare today, Mummy and Daddy free day, to do work unfortunately. I commented to Anthony this morning just how quiet it is without one toddler here. No chasing me or his daddy, no Wiggles up loud, no fights about going into the pantry to eat rubbish and its crazy how tidy the house stays! Life would be dull without him.

 

[Nam]

Maybe I should try the daycare thing. Oh wait....I AM the daycare. Why do I do this to myself? Because I love those little terds. Not only do I take care of two of my own, but take care of someone else's one year old, and they are all girls. I love them all, even though they drive me absolutely bonkers!:crazy-eye Wait, I just realized that I'm employed! You know, things are really back to normal. Actually, it's better than normal. I'm back world. Strong as ever.

 

[anthony]

Now your talking Nam... progress is being made... bloody well done...

 

[Deleted member 3]

Nam,

Daycare is only one day a week for Alexander. Neither of us would agree to full time care when there is one of us to look after him. If Anthony had been working I would have given up full-time work to care for Alexander anyway. Both Anthony and I had our mum's at home and we agree that they need that stability first up. It was originally a strategy to give Anthony a break when Wednesdays were wild. Wednesdays are nicer now that I am not working in the evening, well working at all (I have started maternity leave early) and Logan doesn't have football training. The break for all of us is nice and when I finally finish my last uni assignment for this year, Anthony and I can play hooky. You know movies, maybe a lunch.......something child free to recharge the batteries....before the next one gets here that is!

 

[Deleted member 93]

I had debated a mother's day out thing or once a week but I think I would fret too much to relax! I just get paranoid over my kids. Oh by the way. After that little one comes and you start losing chunks of hair and your hands always shake and you start bumping into walls... it is normal LOL. My two teens are a year and a half apart, got pregnant with the girl when my son was 9 months old. All I can say in hindsite I would never ever ever do it again! All the luck in the world but I am sure you can do it. The others were spaced 6 years apart. I think when they went to school I missed them and just did it again... And my two have turned into mortal enemies... They used to always look out for each other now it seems like all they want to do is bring the other one down with them when in trouble. No matter what one did some how it is the other one's fault. But it does keep you busy and on your toes, you just have to remember to eat before you crash for the night. That way you have energy to get up an hour later, I had them in my bed to cut down on that.

Teen son busted my 8 yo son's project for school all to pieces this AM. And he blamed me because I put it there. I put it up out of the way where no one goes or touches so it would be safe... So it is MY fault HE broke it. Had nothing to do with him not paying attention!

I had taken the kids to school.. had to go back home and change my 8 yo because I did not catch he had food all over his shirt from breakfast. Luckily his classes start later. But we do not live in town so it sucks.

While I am in here typing this I am making breakfast for the babe and hubs and the baby knocked a can on her toe and split it open goodness... Got that cleaned up, still have not made it to animals yet. My morning has just started so I haven't even gotten to my day yet!

I told hubs I sure do love them to pieces but I can't wait for them to move out! I said they could stay home if they further their education, but I am thinking a trailer on the property is more like it! I would just love to see my house stay clean for longer than 5 minutes. I used to have nice things and a clean home, when I wonder what happened normally a crash and someone screaming mom reminds me. Off to go put food on the table for my late risers.

 

[Boo-Damphir]

9/6/06
My day is surprisingly better than yesterday. My friend from Greece returned home from her month long holiday so it was really nice to catch up. I think tomorrow I may tackle another exercise in my Depression Workbook.

p.s. Darn You Anthony!!! This morning I made a tapering schedule for my Klonopin (a benzodiazepine) to be completely off it in 2 months. Then a months' rest and I'll tackle another med. I feel really good about doing this, the time is right. Of the meds I take this one is the nastiest to get off of, but I've done it once I can do it again (who needs sleep anyway???)

Everyone have a good day, I'll check in tomorrow
~Boo-Damphir

(I'm also talking to my husband about checking out the spouse support section of this forum...fingers crossed...)

 

[piglet]

Hi Boo - good luck with coming off the meds. I don't dare right now. I don't think they are causing any significant problems for me fortunately.

Not a bad day. Had meetings and my work computer got ill and deleted my afternoon's work. Other than that, it wasn't a really eventful day. Dog walking this evening and the weather is nice, so that makes a change!

take care everyone!

 

[Deleted member 93]

Boo, that is wonderful news and I am so proud of you! I know you can do it! I am still tapering my xanax, have to do baby steps. About to cut again ugh... After it is out zoloft is next in line. Only on 50 mg so it won't be an issue. They once upon a time had me on 125 - 150 mg. Quitting that much cold turkey ended up with my house being trashed. It drives me nuts how a doc gives something saying non addictive but leaves out the part of may develope dependancy... Ummm can we say splitting hairs? ER doc called a perscription in by phone and I used that as the taper off bottle. Swore never to touch it again, but hubs and shrink were insistant I take at least some dose of it. So I said I would not go above the starter dose.

Just remember to come off as slow as you comfortably can. Don't make it unnecessaraily painful for you. Not a race, but a goal. benzos are a bitch! But I am here for ya too like everyone else!

 

[Deleted member 93]

I wasted my day in bed. I just hit a wall and could not stay awake after I ate. I crashed pretty hard and hubs had a hell of a time getting me to get up just to go get kids. Nightmares in abundance. I woke in just panic, head spinning, tight chest... The whole 9 yards. I could barely drive I just was having a hell of a time shaking it.

We get home and I tell teen son to get the frozen lasagana Sp? out of freezer to thaw, and he wants to fight about it because that type of food is for when I am out late at docs? Excuse the hell out of me? Who in the hell do you think you are to dictate what I cook and when? I don't feel good NOW and if you want to eat getting the f*ing thing out to thaw! That is why we have a stash of easy cook meals, for when I am down.

About to try and soak in the tub see if I can shake this.