How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[Sandra]

I certainly wouldn't chosen the ones I ended up with.

 

[soulofLC]

I hear you. Me either.

 

[Sandra]

And that includes my nasty siblings as well as my parents.

 

[Sandra]

And how many times too was a carrot dangled in front of us only have strings attached?

 

[Sandra]

Occasionally my mother would feel guilty then would try and buy my love. Needless to say that never worked.

A person needs to learn that love, trust and respect are earned and earned by giving it.

 

[Sandra]

One thing with an abuser is they will do or say an act of kindness every so often. That is to keep their target at the end of their leash so they can come back and bash them down when the need to do so.

 

[Sammy]

Oh my goodness! So much of this thread could have been written by me. Was trained to be compliant from birth and I am sure that was part of why I was singled out to be abused later. I was isolated within my family. My siblings were asked why they weren't more like me and nothing I did was ever good enough. So I worked harder and harder to be good enough. I felt like I had to be perfect. I expect my compliance was what was so appealing to my spouse. He had someone to do everything and bend over backward to make him happy and he could totally ignore me.

Wow, lightbulb moments.

 

[Sandra]

It sure turned out to be a very interesting thread. And it sure made us look into how it effected us as well as seeing how the blackmailer worked. Which could be helpful in our futures.

 

[ms spock]

Excerpt out of the book Emotional Blackmail by Dr. Susan Forward

Do important people in your life:

Threaten to make your life difficult if you don't do what they want?

Constantly threatens to end the relationship if you don't do what they want?

Tell you or imply that they will neglect, hurt themselves or become depressed if you don't do as they want?

Always wants more, no matter how much you give them? (deffinately my late husband sure did this)

Regularly assume you will give in to them? (again my late husband did this)

Regularly ignore or discount your feelings and wants?

Make lavish promises that are contingent on your behaviour and then rarely keep them?

Consistently label you as selfish, bad, greedy, unfeeling or uncaring when don't give in to them?

Shower you with approval when you give in to them and take it away when you don't?

Use money as a weapon to get their way?

Oh yes! Oh yes indeed! Oh yes! That is my family! That is my ex!

 

[ms spock]

It sure turned out to be a very interesting thread. And it sure made us look into how it effected us as well as seeing how the blackmailer worked. Which could be helpful in our futures.

It is such important information. How to assess. How to manage. How to disengage. How not to get caught up in their emotionally blackmailing ways.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Was trained to be compliant from birth and I am sure that was part of why I was singled out to be abused later. I was isolated within my family... nothing I did was ever good enough. So I worked harder and harder to be good enough. I felt like I had to be perfect.

I know this script so well -- it is engraved in the hollows of my bones where the marrow of my bones lives.

 

[ms spock]

I am going to read and reread this thread. Not now though I am needing to go to bed and sleep.

Night all