How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[soulofLC]

Thanks simplekindofgirl...it is so nice to be heard and have contact with people here. I see you are a new member as well...good place to be. Great discussion!

Yes, I too was taking too much responsibility, thinking it was me and my PTSD. No more. Yes, there is virtue in validation! Thanks.

<Posts merged and unnecessary quotes removed By Amethist>

 

[Loloma]

Thanks Sandra,

Definitely have to get hold of this book. Both my husband did these things to me. The first was very direct with the way he did it and the second in a passive, aggressive manner. Still makes me mad and sad that they both walked of with everything and just went on with their lives like I never existed.

And the worst things is I didn't see it for what it was when it happened. The first sexually and physically and psychologically abused me. The second ignored me and wanted more, more, MORE and it was never enough. He gave nothing in return.

How can we be so stupid!! It must be the sign on our forehead. USE ME, ABUSE ME, DUMP ME.:cry::eek::mad::(:sick:

 

[Loloma]

JaneJ32

Symptoms of Narcissist disorder includes, but are not limited to:
Narcissists also tend to be physically attractive on first impression, giving them advantages when first meeting people

Hey my ex, handsome thinks he gods gift to women. Pity he lacks in all other areas including a brain and a heart.

 

[Marie E.]

Thank you Sandra, you reminded me about the same book I also have. I shall start reading it again.

 

[Sandra]

I too Loloma can so relate to this with my lousy marriage too. So I know where you are coming from.

Big hugs for you.

 

[soulofLC]

Loloma, I can relate so directly to your statement "The first was very direct with the way he did it and the second in a passive, aggressive manner. Still makes me mad and sad that they both walked of with everything and just went on with their lives like I never existed." Wow, you stated it perfectly; the same thing happened to me. Both were traumatic, but the second one set off my PTSD symptoms. He turned into a pod person. I have no idea who he is or ever was at this point. I can hardly talk about it to this day. I know I need to let go to move on, but abandonment and rejection are my triggers (from lengthy childhood hospitalization near death experience, original trauma).

I need to get this book. I don't want to be traumatized anymore. I too feel like I have a sign on me. I want it off!!! Because now my son has taken over as the new abuser, so I know it is still there...

 

[Loloma]

soulofLC.

I understand where your coming from. The second that I'm finally divorcing tipped me right over the edge mentally. I am trying so hard to keep it together, keeping myself busy going to the gym everyday and doing other things. But deep down emotionally I'm a mess. Cry for no reason and the grief and sadness is overwhelming.

Seeing a T and going back into long term therapy. All the childhood stuff is so relevant to my life choices and I need to relearn how I see the world and myself so that I don't keep on repeating the same mistakes. By the way I'm 62 (but still a child inside). Sometimes I think I'm a simpleton that I can't see what's happening around me. Possibly I choose not to see it. My conditioning from childhood was to please, serve and accept no matter what. It has been to my own detriment and has carried out throughout my life including my career, where I always gave 110 percent and in turn was used and taken advantage of by my employers.

As far as my parents were concerned nothing I ever did was good enough. They knew I could be counted on to do the right thing. And one of the last things that my pedophile father asked me before he died was to look after my schizophrenic mother which I did to the end. She literally drove me crazy with a stint in the psychiatric hospital, however I stuck with it till she died and arranged to have her body flown 5500 kms to be buried with my father. I had 8 brothers and sister still alive at the time. Talk about being well programmed.

And yes I hear you. My kids took over where my parents and husband left off. That's why I shifted to the other side of the world for a bit of peace. You know what, the problems in your head go with you.
s

 

[soulofLC]

Wow, we have much in common. I too was well programmed to "do the right thing." My brothers, who were the favorites still resent me and think I was "the one" perhaps due to my programming (my dad admitted that he felt "bad" about me, because my older brother was Mom's favorite and my youngest brother was his favorite; these things I already knew) I was well primed to disappear...good student, gave 110% at whatever I did..and yes, was abused by my employers and husbands, and now my children. My biggest fear is that it will continue with my grandchildren! (I am 61). The oldest one is 9 and she is defending me with vigor, trying to make peace. We have been close. But I am afraid that it won't last; that she will begin to take up the cause. Really messed up! Afraid that my fears will make it happen.

Your comment, "You know what, the problems in your head go with you." make me realize that I have to work on this before I think about moving away, because I do. I think about all of the wonderful places I have visited and how nice it would to be on the other side of the world.

I am so sorry about your parents. You sound like you have been through so much and have survived. That is the trick...to go from victim to survivor. I am still working on it! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Sandra]

I felt so much when I was younger all I was, was a puppet on a string. And if I didn't act accordingly I would get the crap beat out of me.

 

[soulofLC]

I feel the same way, Sandra. The weird thing is that I was such an outsider at the same time in my own family because I avoided confrontation and was very compliant, unlike my brothers who were always in trouble. But when I went off to college, I am the one who changed, who quit conforming, and really became the outsider. It has pretty much been the same since my late teens. Whereas, my brothers are still trying to please my parents. They can't be having much fun either...

 

[Sandra]

Look how much this blackmail has effected us SoulofLC.

And yes I was treated as an outsider as well. So I know what you are saying.

 

[soulofLC]

Thanks, it is good to find a fellow outsider! It can feel like one did something to deserve it, but that is not the reality. But that is the emotion, the result. Guilt and shame. My intellect says one thing, my heart another...now we are insiders, you and I! People say you can't pick your family; I beg to differ!