How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[Martin Taylor]

Sandra, thanks for the hugs. You give so many you should have great hug karma. I grew up in a houseful of emotional blackmail and now I see some of my siblings and the next generation continue that family tradition. Some of us either forget or don't understand that we pass on what we learn unless we decide we won't.

 

[ms spock]

I recently got angry at someone for being rude to me and ignoring me on yahoo messenger. And I told him I didn't like how he was treating me. So far he has given me the silent treatment. And in his eyes he is right and I am wrong.

You are winning on so many fronts here. You are not allowing some one to get away by treating you badly. You have approached and brought up the issues (only to be done if the situation is physically safe), You have identified the blackmailing occurring through the silent treatment. You are also no allowing him to rewrite your reality so he is right and you are wrong. You are sticking to your guns and keeping your truth and your reality.

As far as I am concerned that is success all round.

Well Done! It is not easy.

 

[ms spock]

From the same book.

Emotional blackmailers often accuse us of being unable to love or maintain friendships simply because we don't feel as close to them.. It's a variety of pathologising ... are vulnerable to especially if we see intimate relationships as the litmus test of mental health, lines like this go straight to the heart, and often they succeed.

The manipulation is disgusting and your whole post defines it so well.

 

[Sandra]

You are winning on so many fronts here. You are not allowing some one to get away by treating you badly. You have approached and brought up the issues (only to be done if the situation is physically safe), You have identified the blackmailing occurring through the silent treatment. You are also no allowing him to rewrite your reality so he is right and you are wrong. You are sticking to your guns and keeping your truth and your reality.

As far as I am concerned that is success all round.

Well Done! It is not easy.

I told him I didn't like how he treated me and what I wanted from him. So the ball in a way is in his court. But I still have the control of the situation. I did remove him from my list but he is still trying to talk to me like nothing ever happened. Needless to say I will not talk to him again till he apologizes and it looks like that is never going to happen. And yes I really saw into his actions. And as I had mentioned it only takes a few seconds to say I'm sorry I can't talk right now I'm busy and I would have accepted that. And this sure brought out a nasty side to him that he always kept hidden from me. Hence the Dr.Jekyl/Mr.Hyde sides to him.

 

[Sandra]

The manipulation is disgusting and your whole post defines it so well.

It's been a very good book so far. It was deffinately worth the money. A lot of the book I can so relate to.

 

[Sandra]

IMHO people mostly know what they are doing.

I agree. It's usually all about them showing they have the power over their target. And also about feeding their sick egos etc.

 

[Sandra]

Sandra, thanks for the hugs. You give so many you should have great hug karma. I grew up in a houseful of emotional blackmail and now I see some of my siblings and the next generation continue that family tradition. Some of us either forget or don't understand that we pass on what we learn unless we decide we won't.

I hope you are learning from this thread which is what it's all about. :)

 

[Sandra]

Hugs to you too. Sandra- that book- it brings me to tears. I needed this book more than you know! Thank you so much for starting this thread and for continuing to share it.

Sadly we must face hard issues to be able to move forward.

 

[Sandra]

And we, unfortunately, teach people to treat us badly without even realising it.

Yes cause to abused people that is normal.

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

Negative comparisons make us feel suddenly deficient. We're not as good, not as loyal, not as accomplished as so and so, and we feel anxious and guilty about it. So anxious, in fact, that we may be willing to give in to blackmailers to prove that they're wrong about us.

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

We're often quite definite, at first, about what we need and why we're resisting an emotional blackmailer. But the blackmailer's tools erode whatever clarity we have and persuade us that we really don't know what we want. Using these behavioural strategies, the blackmailer can almost always get our compliance hardly surprising, considering that a person who resists is likely to be spun around, criticized, ganged upon or found wanting. Yes, this sounds dire, but it's all learned behaviour that we have helped teach. And as we'll see, just as we've effectively handed blackmailers their tools, we can also take them away or render them useless.

 

[soulofLC]

I got away, he left, I stayed away. I wish the memory of his tools would also stay away. He left, I can't talk to him now; don't think I ever will or have a desire to. I have been ganged upon and found wanting by him, my friends, my family. How do we render the rejection/adbandoment tools useless? Those are my triggers from my childhood hospitalization. Alone with my tiny three year old immobile self. I become that helpless baby once again. Somehow, I have to get my power back. That is the tool I need..how to we do it Sandra?