How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[soulofLC]

I know that asking you is not fair, Sandra. I am sorry. It was a visceral response!

 

[Sandra]

I'm not sure SoulofLC. It didn't say in the book how it just showed the statement. Maybe we can find that info online. Possibly learning how to be more assertive and start voicing our views and opinions. And the bottom line is finding out how to take away their power and control.

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

Emotional blackmailers hate to lose. They take the old adage "it doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game" and turn it on it's head to read "it doesn't matter how you play the game as long as you do not lose." To an emotional blackmailer, keeping your trust doesn't count, respecting your feelings doesn't count, being fair doesn't count. The ground rules that allow for healthy give and take go out the window. In the midst of what we thought was a solid relationship it's as though someone yelled "everyone for himself" and the other person jumped to take advantage of us while our guard was down. Why is winning so important to blackmailers, we ask ourselves. Why are they doing this to us? Why do they need to get their way so badly that they'll punish us if they don't?

Wow can I so relate to that.

 

[Sandra]

A good comeback to a person like that is "I'll just consider where that comment came from." That will probably shut their nasty mouth up especially when you just caught them off guard. And this is a good way to say shut the F--- up without it being nasty or vicious.

And don't reply back to a negative comment made by them. Don't forget that an abuser wants an audience. Don't be that audience.

 

[soulofLC]

Wow Sandra, so can I. Like a shark moving in for the kill while you are reeling, bleeding. They are predators, and we are their prey. Knowledge is power; perhaps that's the key. Include self-love and self awareness.

 

[soulofLC]

Ditto on the audience; don't give away your power.

 

[Sandra]

Wow Sandra, so can I. Like a shark moving in for the kill while you are reeling, bleeding. They are predators, and we are their prey. Knowledge is power; perhaps that's the key. Include self-love and self awareness.

Well said SouldofLC.

And it really does all base down to control in the end.

 

[soulofLC]

A good comeback to a person like that is "I'll just consider where that comment came from." That will probably shut their nasty mouth up especially when you just caught them off guard.

I love that!!! Perfect...nuff said!

 

[Sandra]

I'm looking up taking away a person's control online. I am still busy reading a site.

The next book I will be reading is "Controlling Parents" But I wouldn't doubt that will help us with any type of control freak not just with parents.

Then I will be reading "Take the Bully By the Horns"
I started it then misplaced it. But since found it. But I will start over with it next time around.

I'll probably start a new thread on this book too when I read it.

 

[Sandra]

See we are learning things on here. ;)

Hugs for you.

 

[soulofLC]

Oh man, there is another can of worms for me!!! Yeah, you are right...any kind of control freak, but I had controlling parents as well. Perhaps that is where I learned to roll over and play dead. Well, I had some practice in the hospital as well as that sick kid. I completely shut down, which is the worst response for long term outcome, so I read. Good for survival....still need to address that, but need to clear what stress I can before...according to Anthony's great article about PtSD. Which means taking care of a pile! One step at a time...

 

[soulofLC]

See we are learning things on here. ;)

Hugs for you.

Hugs back Sandra. I am learning so much more than I thought I would. Thank you for your important posts! :)