Sufferer Lifelong Ptsd Sufferer

[Christine37]

I would say I am probably the poster child for PTSD.

I was first traumatized by my father at less than a year old. The mental/verbal and sometimes physical abuse then continued throughout my life until I was 21.

I now live with the challenges of having PTSD on a daily basis. I dread change whether good or bad because it causes a major upheaval in my life. I am proud of myself because I have managed to go to college, have a career, and met the Love of my life all while struggling to process things normally. But it has taken it's toll. I am on medication, and in therapy. But I am a strong person and I am determined to learn to function as normally as possible to keep the things I am fortunate to have in my life.

My boyfriend is one of them. We are looking to get married in the Spring of 2013. We have many changes and obstacles we are dealing with in our lives right now and it is not affecting me in a good way. I'm sure others can relate to feeling backed in a corner by the stress. It gets my fight or flight response going and I always choose flight!, until I calm down and realize I don't really want to leave my boyfriend. The PTSD wants me to leave my boyfriend!

I think to live with a disorder like this you have to have or find emotional strength. Practice thinking positive (even if it's a struggle), and have a good support system of people you Love and trust. I am fortunate to have a mom and boyfriend who do their best to understand what I'm going through.

The phrase I use that always comforts me most is "this too shall pass". Because I know it will.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Lucille]

Hi Christine, Welcome to the forum! I am so sorry you have been suffering with PTSD for so long. Also, I'm sorry to hear about your current worries. My advice, don't lose the wonderful man in your life! I know the PTSD can weigh tremendously on your emotions and on your relationships, but if he is the love of your life, you will be able to overcome anything that comes at you! Change is always hard, and it's extremely scary not to know how things will work out. I am very impressed with your positive attitude, and I am glad that you have such strong faith in the fact that life will not be like this forever. We all can conquer our PTSD with a lot of love and support and time spent squashing our demons in therapy.

I'm glad you've found us. Wishing you peace and sending lots of hugs your way :inlove:

 

[Christine37]

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you!

 

[Christine37]

Thank you for the kind words! I don't always have the positive attitude, but I try my best. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have such caring, understanding people in my life! I am incredibly grateful for that! Change is VERY difficult. Even when it's for the better. I want nothing more than to overcome this, but it's also scarey to wonder who I am without the PTSD. I have had it most of my life and it has probably shaped who I am as a person, to some extent. I have also had anxiety for a long time brought on by the PTSD. Driving in snow and ice is very difficult for me because I have had problems with going off the road in the past so now it is a realistic fear. But when I moved in with my boyfriend I got a closer commute to work. So it helps a little. I take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. I have been in therapy at least 5 other times in my life. It has helped to some extent, but I never felt I came out of it with the "tools" to handle the PTSD before it gets out of hand. The psychologist I am currently seeing has 35 years of experience so I am optimistic that she will be able to help me. I have also been on 4 different kinds of medication in the last 12 years. I tried going off meds. a few years ago and realized that at that point in my life, that was a mistake. I was living alone and had my career, but no other stressors. So the PTSD/Anxiety was manageable. Since I met my boyfriend a year ago I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. But it is either deal with it head on or I hide from life, and if I want to be happy, hiding isn't an option! I wish you the best in dealing with your PTSD and Have a Merry Christmas!