Is Separation Anxiety Normal For A Ptsd Sufferer?

[Goose]

I guess I'll start off by saying until recently I've never had any kind of separation anxiety. But recently in the last three months I've completely lost all control when my boyfriend is gone working. He and I have pretty much seen each other or spent every day together for the last two and a half years until he got this new job. He now works off shore on an oil rig and works 14 days on and 14 days off. Since he is off shore there is really no cell service at all so making calls to him is nearly impossible. We might get a few txts between us everyday since he works 12 hour shifts and he's exhausted by the time his shift ends. Normally a couple days before he leaves for his hitch I get very depressed and almost ignore him completely and then as hes leaving I completely break down and dont want him to leave.

While he's gone for 14 days I go days without sleeping and if I do sleep it's only for a couple hours. I hate staying home by myself I have so much anxiety knowing if something happened he would be nowhere around to help me. I have panic attacks daily and I don't leave the house while hes gone unless I just absolutley have to. I feel like he's abandoned me even though I know thats not what he's doing. I know he feels guilty leaving me by myself and I hate that. Im not in very good physical shape and have lost almost 40 pounds in the last 2 months because I dont eat when he's gone. Lastnight I lost it all together and started cutting again which I hate doing. It makes me feel like a failure. When I told my Boyfriend what I had done he was very angry at me and I know he was disappointed. I just dont know what to do anymore or how to keep from getting like this. Is separation anxiety normal for someone like myself? If anyone else has gone thru this or delt with it any kind of help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[doglover]

Yes depending on the trauma and how you've coped this can be totally normal.

It sounds like you have been leaning on him in your mind, and don't feel like you can do life when he isn't there. Or maybe he is your Protector. You can get past this with some time and effort, if that is something you want. Would you like to feel more comfortable at home when he is away?

Do you have someone you can call to come over for a social night the first few days he is away?

 

[Goose]

I do depend on him in many ways and have been since our relationship started. Of course I would love not to feel the way I do when he isnt home. I dont really have any family at all except for my mother but she hasnt been in my life since I was 8. I havent talked to her in years and honestly its less stress on me to just leave her alone. Since I recently moved because of my boyfriends job. The few friends I had are nowhere in this area and they are normally busy with work and family. I dont know the area Im in very well at all which is another reason I dont leave the house. Making new friends forr me is impossible I dont trust people at all.

 

[bethinhfx]

I am not an expert but I know that I have learned to be independent by going through difficult situations and as I was reading this and contemplating it for a moment I had an "aha" moment. In a way this could be great because you are being giving the opportunity in short intervals to become more independent.

Its not like he's gone for 6 months and thats it....in a way you could really use this to your advantage. Because you know he's going for 14 days and you know he will be back! So, you could work on improving all of these areas because you know what they are. Right out a list: feel abandonded; feel sad; feel insecure; have a panic attack; cut myself; didn't reach out to others and so forth and then work on improving each area as much as you can or with a T. By the end of the year everyone of those things would be so much better. Sounds good doesn't it! If only it were that easy.

I had a boyfriend once who I travelled with all of the time and once he decided he wanted to go to Florida by himself. By the time he came back I had cheated on him several times; been drunk all over the place etc., and I wasn't aware of it at the time but I was too dependent on him and the only way I have become independent is through hardship and learning to use my own resources and reach out. I don't have a lot of friends right but I have been reaching out to mental healths services because I have been having meltdown over repressed memories and pstd. I am waking up to the fact that crying all of the time is not normal. Maybe you need to reach out and get some professional help. Your worth it and recovery is possible. I have actually been back in touch n touch with this boyfriend and even though I am not really supporting myself right now I have developed so many strengths that I didn't have when I was his girlfriend!

Its possible to become more self-reliant and resilient. It really is. You can do it!!

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

Hi Goose, I was reading something the other day on PTS that mentioned "strong attachments". I myself don't let a lot of people "in", so when I do make connections that are important to me like my advocate, I find myself getting very attached.

Sad you have to go 14 days at a time without your bf, that must be very difficult :( Being alone is not always easy. I hope you have a way to text him or phone him during that time.

 

[Goose]

bethinhfx,
thank you so much for you comment. Youre right it does give me the chance to work on things while he is gone. One thing that I have been doing the last few days is writing in a journal. It helps me get things off my mind by putting it down on paper. Besides writing I dont really have much to do to pass the time. I clean the house everyday even tho its not dirty. Ive been trying to think of ways to keep myself busy. I do know that when Im bored thats when I get into trouble because I spend way to much time thinking.

FlyingSolo,
Yes it has been very hard when he is gone. I wish there was more of a chance for me to talk to him when he is gone. But with him being off shore the cell service is horrible. And on days like today he work an 18 hour shift so I get the "I love you I gotta go to bed" text. Which I completely understand because working on a rig is really hard work and one of the most dangerous jobs. The company he works for also has a rule about cell phones. The guys arent allowed to have their phones while on their shift because of saftey issues. If they get caught they can loose their jobs. I would hate if he lost his job because he feels like he has to keep contact with me because hes worried. He is supposee to be home Thursday morning which Im totally excited about except for the fact I know hes not real happy with me about whats been going on while hes been gone. But hopefully the next few days will pass quickly.

 

[bethinhfx]

I clean a lot- its healing. For me, it helps me organize my mind and helps straighten out my thinking ( you should see my place right now- not good). I do yoga and it really changed my life. I don't know what your inclinations are that way but we do have an infinite source of love, wisdom, healing, and creativity within us if we can tap into it. Mediation and prayer are helpful and for me, just doing why is in front of me: Today, I am giving myself the whole day to clean my apt and I don't think my apt has ever been this messy but thats okay.

Last night I overate and went to bed because I felt so bad; cried, wept really, in bed for an hour (had no choice) felt better, and got up and did some stuff. " What's in front of me?". Developing new habits and skills- running, swimming, yoga, baking bread, taking care of a pet, cleaning the stove, crying, asking for help. Whatever. I think when have PSTD we don't know how to be in the moment because the moment is too painful. For me, cleaning is such a great way to embrace the moment! So, I hope you have a good day and I am going to try and go follow my own advice- peace!

 

[Goose]

I understand completely. Before I moved I had horses which was something I loved and was really the only thing Ive been good at and connected. I absolutly love to ride and even if I didnt always get to ride just being in the barn was good enough for me. I could sit out in the pasture with my horses for hours and be completely ok. Its something Ive really missed the last few months. I was thinking about asking my boyfriend if maybe its a possibility of getting another horse. It would keep me busy for sure. Godd luck on cleaning up your place, hope you have a good day :)

 

[bethinhfx]

I love horses too-- thats a great idea! Peace!

 

[LizardViolet]

And if it's not quite the time for another horse, how about a dog? He or she would be a companion, someone to go on walks with and to talk with, and a responsibility to occupy some of your time.

 

[Eleanor]

Before I moved I had horses which was something I loved and was really the only thing Ive been good at and connected. I absolutly love to ride and even if I didnt always get to ride just being in the barn was good enough for me. I could sit out in the pasture with my horses for hours and be completely ok. Its something Ive really missed the last few months

Goose - don't wait on the horse. Horse people NEED horses. Here is an idea: open the yellow pages or google "horse boarding stable" for your area. Go over and look at the horses. The horse people will ignore you most likely. If anyone asks you why you are there, tell them you are new to the area, and planning to get a horse, and are looking for a good stable to keep it. They will almost certainly give you their reviews of the local stables and then immediately tell you about some poor neglected horse at the ranch who needs some attention. Volunteer! The horse will thank you, and that's the only vote that counts!

"There is nothing better for the inside of a wo/man than the outside of a horse."
Happy stable hunting!

 

[purpledragonfly]

I've never been away from a significant other from an extended period of time, but I declined going with my dad and stepmom on vacation for 9 days because it was too long to be away from my boyfriend. I'll go through a day or so of not wanting to see him at all or essentially ignoring him, to needing to be with him. I have attachment issues with my mother. I would make her come visit me every weekend and get emotional when she left, or get anxiety if she didn't come for a weekend. My partner that I was living with complained about it to me and accused me of being childish. I also came home every weekend in college.

My fear is that I'm going to be like that movie Stepbrothers :p