I’d also be open to the possibility that he may surprise you.
It’s one of those things that you can head into with really strong boundaries, without being aggressive or afraid of the worst, either. Prepared for it? Certainly. Which is always sad when you care about someone, that there may not be a compromise available, where it’s a win/win you’re happy and he’s happy. But going in solid in your own self, & what you’re not willing to negotiate? Also leaves a whole lot of room for being willing to negotiate, as well.
Case in point? I have a reeeeally sensitive nose. Most people’s dogs smell absolutely foul to me, because they don’t bathe them frequently, if at all. Once a week baths kept my own dog smelling awesome to ME, but if my best friend and I were going road tripping? She wanted him bathed every day, or every other day, at the most. Aaaaaand thoroughly dried. Before we got in the car. No problem. He’s a water dog. Hence he makes a LOT of oil, which smells rather strongly. And sheds like a husky, because he had a double coat designed for swimming in ice flows. Bathing once a week he just smelled like a dog to me, but he still smelled disgusting to her. So upping the baths and brushing was step one. But Further? I could (and did) change out his bedding to cedar, and make sure that all of the fabric/upholstery had been freshly steam cleaned & deodorized before we left, and then make far more of an effort than I usually did once we were on the road. Ditto, expect that the increased baths might need some oil replacement for his fur, so I snagged her to go out shopping so we could “sniff test” what different oils/conditioners smelt like... on him. My bestie’s brother? Goes to the same sort of concentrated effort above & beyond his normal when he’s visiting. And our 2 dogs are the ONLY ones she gets all jump around / bend over / bounce off “Let’s play!” :woot: with. Because they don’t smell like freshly expressed anal glands to her :sick: Everyone else’s dogs, she’s pulling back from, and refusing to be around. Not because she doesn’t like dogs. Because she’s got a really sensitive nose. And that’s a durn good reason, ya know? Even if I can’t smell it, I can smell things other people can’t, and it’s not all roses! ?
Another common one with first responders? Ordinary people can break a lease, or take a hit on their credit score, or any of a thousand minor things... and it’s no big deal. But First responders can lose their jobs over it. Or get a mark in their record that permanently f*cks up their ability to get promotions or take their career in the direction they want. Now, breaking a no pets clause has an easy fix to it... you get an addendum on the lease that doesn’t allow pets for an exception. Voila. Job protected. Doggo nice and legal. But it also means meeting with the landlord (which may mean taking a sick day, right when things are busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest), and shelling out up to 1 months rent as a non-refundable pet deposit. So your boyo could just as easily be protecting his job & trying to save both of you an unnecessary expense... as tryin to wriggle out of something.
Et cetera. In a big way. Because I don’t know either of you. Or the details of the situation beyond what you’re struggling with. From his actions so far? You could knock me over with a feather if he’s super excited about having a dog in his life. But his actions could ALSO have some very real justification backing them up... that’s easily sorted once the 2 of you sit down and hash things out.
So my 2.02 ;) (I’m in novel mode this week) is be solid in yourself, before you talk to him / know and understand your own boundaries & what’s negotiable and what’s not... but also be willing to hear him out / open to finding solutions to the dog-problem... that suit both of you right down to the ground.
That makes a lot of sense! I hope that we can come to some common ground for the short-term as well as the long-term. I don't think I have ever asked him what would need to change for him to be okay with her right now so that is a very good point and place to start the conversation. Unfortunately the roommates in the household asked at the renewal of the lease if the landlord would change his mind on pets since they wanted cats and the answer was no. :/ Given the circumstances, I'm not sure if the landlord would make any exceptions but at the very least, I have been pretty adamant in asking my SO to find a place that is dog-friendly when the lease is up in a couple of months. Whether he follows through or not remains to be seen, but I have really tried to emphasize how important it is to me. While I've made statements like "your room" which he has corrected to "our room", it's really not "ours" unless he values my voice enough to accept what I need as well. Either way, I'd be happy to pay any pet fees/monthly expenses, but I just need him to try too!