ClairBear226
Platinum Member
I knew I came from a dysfunctional family. I guess I've known that to some degree for a long time. But they baffle me sometimes, they really do. I was manipulated into seeing my father last week. My father is a child molester with at least 6 victims within the family that we are aware of. Seeing him brought on a flood of flashbacks. Again. And I realized that my previous efforts to make it clear what seeing him does to me, were apparently not clear enough. My parents both see me as a pawn that can be manipulated at their will, and the pawn had had enough. So via a very strongly, CLEARLY written letter, I severed all ties with both parents, and stated exactly why. All at one time, it was both a difficult thing to do, and very freeing.
Knowing the way my family operates, I also sent a copy of what I wrote to my brother, sister-in-law, and two cousins. The only one that has said a word was my sister in law. No words of encouragement, no "go get 'em", or "wow, that had to be hard.". Stone cold silence. Two of the three biological family members it was sent to have children. Because the lid has been blown off the family secret, their children will never need to be in harms way. They've known for quite some time now. It isn't new. But they have swept it under the rug, done their best to ignore it, and maintained the code of silence.
This is the part that blows my mind. The wall. Don't they see that it's that very same wall that protected my father and allowed him to abuse children? Don't they understand that by continueing to invite him to family weddings etc (with kids present!), while that silence is maintained, they will give him the very thing he feeds from? Comfort. Safety. Silence. ACCESS.
How does our society allow a molester to be protected, and his victims to be ignored, or even demonized? I don't get it. I know my own family can't be the only one that does not understand the power silence gives a molester. How do other families deal with this stuff? I can only see this one way. Shine the light on evil, and it cannot survive. Right now, I feel very alone in that standpoint.
Knowing the way my family operates, I also sent a copy of what I wrote to my brother, sister-in-law, and two cousins. The only one that has said a word was my sister in law. No words of encouragement, no "go get 'em", or "wow, that had to be hard.". Stone cold silence. Two of the three biological family members it was sent to have children. Because the lid has been blown off the family secret, their children will never need to be in harms way. They've known for quite some time now. It isn't new. But they have swept it under the rug, done their best to ignore it, and maintained the code of silence.
This is the part that blows my mind. The wall. Don't they see that it's that very same wall that protected my father and allowed him to abuse children? Don't they understand that by continueing to invite him to family weddings etc (with kids present!), while that silence is maintained, they will give him the very thing he feeds from? Comfort. Safety. Silence. ACCESS.
How does our society allow a molester to be protected, and his victims to be ignored, or even demonized? I don't get it. I know my own family can't be the only one that does not understand the power silence gives a molester. How do other families deal with this stuff? I can only see this one way. Shine the light on evil, and it cannot survive. Right now, I feel very alone in that standpoint.
