Refusing To Drink The Family Kool-aid

[ClairBear226]

I feel children should be protected at all costs, even if it means making the tough choice to speak out and losing the entire family in the process. I can't sit silent and not try to protect the children.

My thoughts exactly. And yes, I do wonder how I can be related to these people. By all rights, having grown up with them as my "norm", I should have followed right along the same path, allowing a molester to slither and writhe his way through the destruction of the family, while they all look at him like he's the cute family pet. Instead, I see him for the snake that he is, and I'm the bad guy for being the one to sound the alarm.

all we can do is make our decisions about who we decide to spend our lives with a little more consciously than our parents taught us

Yep. I agree. I've learned to form my own family over the last decade. Family does not need to be dictated by biology. They can be the people you choose.

 

[nomore]

ClaireBear 226, I have also had to form my own family from people I trust in my life, none are biological. I thought I was the only one who had no contact with family. I've always felt like people wouldn't understand and it's not something you just bring up in conversation.

 

[ClairBear226]

There are "degrees" of what the people that know me know about my life. My hubby and a few close friends know all of it. Other friends know the Reader's Digest version, and a few other people, who have asked things like "What did you do for your dad for Father's Day" simply know that I'm estranged from him. I don't lie about it, but I don't go into detail, either.

The break from my mother has still felt like the right thing to do, even weeks later. It's like a weight has been lifted. So far, she's respected my wishes, and hasn't made any kind of contact. Part of me wonders what's been said between my parents since that letter arrived, but I guess it's pretty hard to care very much. They haven't given me much reason to care.

When my little corner of the family first realized what we were dealing with, and that family events etc. could no longer continue as they had (holidays, family events, etc) one of the challenges was building a support system, and finding a new way to celebrate things like holidays. I'm curious about what other people that have split with their families do with that sort of thing. How do you handle holidays, etc. after a "family rebuild"?

 

[intothelight]

Clair,

After the "family rebuild" I have taken over hosting the holidays and establishing the new traditions. We gather at my house and the whole focus is just on enjoying each other's company and having fun.

Formal sit down dinners have now been replaced with a "holiday pitch in". No china, just festive paper plates so clean up is a breeze. Kids, teenagers, young adults, and us middle aged folks all have a "place" to do what we enjoy. Movies, talk, play cards, walk, swim or whatever. The focus is fun, and no drama or stress is allowed.

Find your own traditions and start them with your family of choice. For me, a lot of the changes that I made were what fit into my life style; and as a complete opposite of the things my family of origin held as their traditions that I found extremely stressful and full of bad memories.

 

[Eleanor]

When we had our first "mixed" family holidays I asked my step daughters and husband what parts of their previous holidays meant something to them that they wanted to keep? (So long as I have lots of twinkly colored lights and something that smells like pine - I'm good for Christmas. For example.)

Didn't get a lot back from them, but I know they appreciated being asked.