How Much Leniency For Personal Comments Vs Cultural Differences

[Kaii]

Cultural differences be damned, an ass is an ass, no matter what color his skin is.

I cannot believe that man had the audacity to say such things to you. What a giant douchebag! I'm sorry that happened to you

 

[HëllaBubz]

I'm afraid I've never heard of 'pushing with the eyes', but I have been told that when I'm very irritated, all it takes is a single look from me to stop a complete stranger in their tracks.
Rather useful skill that I don't use often enough I think!

I had a druggie at the train station take objection because they wouldn't let anyone through on the platform, so my partner pushed past them, although not rudely, and as we started to walk away she started after us, yelling at us, and I just turned around and looked at her, and she shut off mid yell and slunk, literally slunk off.

I wish I knew what it was about my demeanor that did that, it would be useful to know when its showing through and I need to turn it off.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Cultural differences be damned, an ass is an ass, no matter what color his skin is.

That's what I was feeling, but I wasn't sure if I should have voiced that, or any polite version of it! :notworthy:

 

[HëllaBubz]

Oh, and insult to injury, I forgot to mention that he asked me if my partner had stuck around while I had gotten fatter, and if he still lusted after me even though I had gotten fat! :devilish::notworthy::cry:

 

[Wordgirl]

I am sorry that you put up with that rude clod. Culturally, men from that part of the world tend to treat women as possessions - witness the burka, honor killings, lack of human rights... and then when they travel to a society where women are people, they feel perfectly in-the-right to insult the "fast, loose, and evil" women they meet, hence the personal questions. and demeaning comments. I used to be a lot nicer than I was when I was younger. Now, if a man approaches me for directions, I just hold up the palm of may hand toward them and turn around and walk away without a word.

Rude is rude. You don't owe strangers any reply whatsoever. I personally don't even offer help, anymore. Let them find someone who's job it is to lend assistance. It doesn't make you a bad person, or even less than nice - it will simply protect you from the scum that is constantly floating to the surface out there in "society."

Thank you for posting your experience. It brought back the memories of many NYC cab rides.:geek:

 

[VDWngr1355]

My ex is from the Middle East and we lived there for three years. Also, I have tried to a lot of other Middle Eastern countries and to a good number of other countries around the world.

In his country it wouldn't violate any of their boundaries. A lot of Asian/Middle Eastern culture will talk like that with their friends.

However, the key words are, "in his country". He is an ass for not respecting the culture he is living in now.

You were incredible tolerant of his questions, which cross a lot of western boundaries. If you had gotten pissed off or at least told him he was crossing the line and being rude, you would not be crossing the line. He needs to know that is culturally acceptable if he is going to live in another culture/country other than his own.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks VDW, I personally understand the culture, which makes me more understanding of comments which are thrown my way, but to be honest, that is their culture, not ours, and if they wish to behave as though they were still in that culture, then they can F$%k off back to where they came from.

We are tolerant to change, so must they be.

 

[AmyO]

Culture aside, what a jerk! But you can run into that anywhere I would expect. My motto has been that 'If your life is so perfect, then why do you care about mine?' Most of the time it is just some ignorant person that is trying to make themselves feel better after they are pushed around or put down.

Alternate senario here...He may have gotten ignored, told off or insulted before he came to you. And since you were being the better person by helping and not putting him in his place, he got off on crossing the line. (Not sure since I wasn't there. Just know the type.)

And just for grins and giggles for you. I have had three kids. I'm not fat I'm fluffy. And I love my body the way it is when I look at it in a short mirror..:giggle:. Love yourself for the fact that you are a truly good person.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Well, as a wise person once said, heat makes things expand, so I'm not fat, I'm damn HOT!!!:D

 

[KP the nut]

(((Bubba))). He was just out to make trouble. I'm fat as well and no way would I put up with being spoken to like that. Like you, if I'd had that happen when I was 22, I would have taken it. Now at 51, I've learned a lot, one of those is not to take sh*t.

You are you and that is special. If we were all the same, life would be very boring.

Anyway, we are not fat, we are just under tall :D.

 

[Srain]

I'm sorry you woke to feeling so hurt and badly about yourself :(.

I think VDW makes a very good point about respecting the country and culture we are in, that goes for others as well. It is okay to point out what's appropriate and what isn't or just plain give them "the look" :cautious:.

It can be difficult for young women in any country to not be the focus of attention demeaning or otherwise attention. This is not something about YOU it is about those who do this type of behaviour. It's good to know your strengths and how to handle yourself in the future.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Rain

 

[HëllaBubz]

Awww thanks guys!

And damn straight I'm under tall!!!! me is a shortie arse!

And as my brother said, "girlfriend, you plant his arse on a train track and wait till a train comes so he can sprout as much daisies as he did bullshit."

Next time I'll just let him have a quiet four knuckled convo if he/they don't get the hint.