The Dbt Skills Workbook

[Hashi]

I understand Radical Acceptance but when it comes to this type of issue, really??? I don't know. I can accept some things better that others, core believe issues are a different story. I can accept that half or more of what's presented on the news is slanted one way or another, depending on the news station, that still does not change my feelings about the subject matter.

I didn't find the radical acceptance section in Chapter 1 helpful. I didn't get it until I looked ahead in the book to where it's explained later in more detail, and in the context of dealing with everyday life issues.

Those exercises, especially the news story one, just confused and demotivated me. I'd recommend skipping them. I thought it was more useful to read the later explanation and try to think about applying it to smaller things in everyday life.

When something goes wrong I tend to think that's typical of the bad hand I've been dealt, even a small thing can't go right for me, etc, but using radical acceptance I can see that it's not personal and I might even be contributing to it (to be honest, I think my part in it is the most radical thing for me to accept, lol). That's not to be hard on myself about that, just to identify what I have the opportunity to change in future, or what I have to accept and let go of.

 

[Hashi]

The truth is I look at this book and the words just don't even register. What am I supposed to do . I want to work on it. I tried for over an hour yesterday and all II got was that I don't remember anything I have read in the book so far.

Would it help to make very short notes as you read it? That's what I have to do, because I can't take in lots of text. I also focus more on the lists of examples as a way of understanding what it's about, because it's easier for me to read a list.

For example, for distraction I have a note:

- Temporarily stop thinking about the pain.
- Calming your emotions in order to deal with them later.
- Buys time so your emotions can settle down before you do anything.

Then I have a list of things I can do, some from the lists in the book and some that I've come up with myself. I don't divide them up into sections like the book does - as I went through the book i wrote down things i liked/thought of into one big list, because that's easier for me.

That's all I go back to, to look at. I wouldn't be able to remind myself by reading the book again, it's too much text. I might be missing a lot but I've got something from it and that's better than nothing.

 

[Nighthawk]

Made a little progress in the book. I now have to make a distraction plan and write it down on index cards. I guess That would mean I have got o go over all the exercises and choose the main ones. Maybe I am wrong my brain is not really registering any of it. Hopefully something will stick.

 

[ericaboo]

My therapist recommended we work through this book together. As I attempt to do the first few exercises I am filled with extremely pessimistic and negative thoughts.

I'm going on the assumption that it's because the process is actually hitting me where it hurts, and is perhaps right on target. But it's painful.

Almost all of these soothing techniques are things which I have an excuse, and/or negative thought pattern going on I think will block me or potentially weaken/eliminate the soothing effect. Just reading some of them pisses me off.

I'm hoping to stop punishing myself and actually do something kind to me for a change. I'm full of doubt... do I stop and try to process why this is so difficult, or just follow the damn instructions, stop over analyzing and trust...

 

[Hashi]

Hi ericaboo,

Self soothing is difficult for me too. My list is tiny, nothing like all the suggestions in the book.

The book says that if one of the suggested soothing activities isn't relaxing for you then leave that one alone and try something else instead. If there are some that just reading/thinking about winds you up, then I wouldn't go near those. Are there any that feel good? Or even one? I don't think the soothing is meant to be challenging. As I understand it, the idea is to find something that already feels kind to yourself. It's more to help you through the other challenges.

I'm surprised that they seem to expect it to be fairly easy to identify things. I did DBT for a short time with a DBT therapist and she also didn't seem to expect me to have so much trouble with this. I had a moment of realisation, though, when she was trying to explain it as the kind of things you'd do to soothe a child. I have no picture of that. I wasn't soothed as a child and I don't have any empathy with children, there's just a big blank there for me, which might be why this is a struggle.

If soothing is hard, or the idea makes you angry, I'd discuss it with your therapist. It's worth trying things out if you don't know whether they might relax you, but I don't think it will help to push yourself through negativity on this particular skill. I usually find distraction works better. In a way, distraction is soothing for me. It's more within my comfort zone because numbing myself is how I've always coped. I think it's better for me to make the effort around pleasurable activites rather than soothing.

 

[ericaboo]

Thanks Hashi. Yes, as I read on I see other techniques that may work better as you say.

Some of the ideas that involve other people, family, etc. just set me off and make remind me of things I should have had but never did.

Other ideas have already been suggested to me by people in non-sympathetic ways - like, "why can't you just do X" and get over it.

I did manage to come up with a strategy list to try which I think could be starting point. It's worth a try.

 

[Hashi]

Other ideas have already been suggested to me by people in non-sympathetic ways - like, "why can't you just do X" and get over it..

:mad:

I did manage to come up with a strategy list to try which I think could be starting point. It's worth a try.

Yes, alternative activities are definitely worth trying - even if you don't want to!!

 

[Sandstone]

A lot of the ones in their list would have me hiding behind the sofa -

Hashi - do you mean literally hiding?

My T gave me this chapter to work through, but when I tried yesterday I felt like hiding by the sixth page, and gave up at the "create your distraction plan". Five minutes later I was actually crouched behind a chair, though I only stayed there for 20 minutes because my back hurt.

I wrote in the plan section

"I don't think I will
Why?
Because i don't want to
Why?
Because I don't want to think
Because I don't want to do anything new
Because I want to stay hidden and safe"

Tell me it gets better.

 

[NarcSis]

It gets better. Really it does.

Don't sweat the small stuff, do the stuff you can until you rebuild your confidence and your nervous system starts to settle - only then move on with the more challenging skills.

Don't fault yourself for not being able to do one exercise, you'll get there in time.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you working through the book on your own, or doing DBT therapy?

I worked through the book on my own as DBT therapists around here want a full year commitment, two sessions a week, at $200 bucks a pop. (Who has that kind of money!?!? Or time...as I'd have to drive at least 1.5 hrs each way to get to them.)

Sidebar...does anyone else think its odd that a therapy designed for some of the toughest patients to treat (borderline) was designed to be that intense? Yes, I know that intense therapy helps, but at the same time, why take one of the most treatment resistant populations and give them the most demanding therapy? I mean, upfront, from day one I was asked to make a full year commitment from three different therapy groups. Does anyone really make it through?!?! Its as if they're asking for a success rate of 5%... I'm not even treatment resistant and I couldn't make the commitment.

 

[Hashi]

Hashi - do you mean literally hiding?

...I felt like hiding by the sixth page, and gave up at the "create your distraction plan". Five minutes later I was actually crouched behind a chair, though I only stayed there for 20 minutes because my back hurt.

If I had to do them, I would hide. I hide a lot at events involving other people. (I once spent almost a whole wedding reception hiding in a cafe down the road.)

I have to ignore lots of their suggestions in the book. There are some that are fine for me though, like watching TV, listening to music, colouring and playing computer games. There are also some in the category of getting chores done as a way of distracting myself that are OK - my best ones are anything easy and repetitive like folding or lining things up. Can you create your own list of things that are OK for you, from things you do already?

 

[Nighthawk]

Are you working through the book on your own, or doing DBT therapy?

I have been working on it on my own although I can't say I have been doing a very good job.