General Combat/military Ptsd And Treatment

[SamerSue]

My fiance finally has an appointment to talk to the psychiatrist about the VA PTSD treatment program. I know that there are quite a few carers/supporters of those with combat/military PTSD on here (at least it seems like there are a fair amount of us).

Have any of your loved ones gone through the program with the VA? Did it help? He keeps saying it won't help, as he has done the group treatment thing before and got nothing out of it. I have told him that it is more than group treatment, but he thinks it is basically like one long group counseling session.

 

[havingfaithinthedark]

My exhusband has gone and said the same thing still goes and says it doesn't help. My current husband has gone a few times and says it has helped with somethings but he still doesn't have all the answers. The truth is I don't think he ever will. He is trying to understand how to cope with it and why does he feel the way he does and react. One thing that really bothered him was emotional numbness. He is still working on that one.

I think those who go to get help take from it what they want. Depending on how they are feeling when they go and if they are ready for what is being said. Another thing are they being truthful. Sometimes they don't see the same thing we do. That is where going as a couple can help, but he has to want to bring you into it. I know that sometimes they are asked to write down what they are feeling everyday. They are not made but like I said it depends on what they want to get out of it and how open minded they are.

My husband is not to that point yet he has stuff he has to deal with first and he says because he wants to protect me from what he is dealing with. The truth is I am dealing with it too just a different way. It may not be as bad as him but when he is ready I will be there for him.

With that said I too am now getting help as it helps with the stress levels. Also coming on here and talking helps. I don't feel so alone. Not many of my family understand and friends the same. They are there for me but its hard to explain to them this can't just be fixed like that.

My husband is my hero not just because he is in the military but because he gave up a part of him that he will never get back. He gave up that peace of mind and did things no one should ever have to do or see but he did it for the love of his country and for his brothers and sisters in arms. He did it for them because there is a bond that no one will ever understand but them. He carries with him for the rest of his life the invisable scars of war that revisit him from time to time and reopen up those closed wounds. And for that he will always be my HERO.

 

[havingfaithinthedark]

oh and best of luck with your fiance in his journey on this road

 

[SamerSue]

Thank you, HavingFaith. The program my fiance is considering is an in-patient treatment program, where he would be staying at a VA facility for at least a month, possibly longer, for help.

One of my best friends has another friend that is engaged to someone with combat-related PTSD. He is doing an at-home version of the program, and apparently it is hell for her friend. He is reliving everything and taking his anger and frustration out on her (verbally). It's really taken a toll on their relationship.

 

[here4him]

The guy I was dating is looking into the inpatient treatment program at the VA Hospital. His program would be 90 days and, I'm assuming, include the PTSD and TBI treatment. I would love to know exactly what this program entails. I'm sure there will be group and individual therapy, but what else? I think he'll do very well if he actually goes. He has hit a point where he knows he has to do something drastic because what he's been doing for years (individual therapy and medication) isn't working anymore.

 

[LoveHimThroughThis]

My SO, we refer to each other as husband & wife or fiancee but "officially" he is my live in boyfriend.

He has been doing the therapy through the VA from home for MONTHS now. I can tell you that I don't know if it's the particular therapist he is seeing or a VA trend but the only thing that has happened is when he started seeing an actual psychiatrist (rather than psychologist) in order to get meds to address ED. He also prescribed Prozac which was a noticeable difference. He had more energy, was more engaged in day to day life with me and our home, slept better and while not a miraculous recovery, it was absolutely a noticeable improvement.

The therapist (psychologist) he sees most often hasn't really helped at all. To be fair, the first couple/few seemed to be more "getting to know you", the terms of the program and what to expect (I think). He had to miss a couple for reasons beyond his control, and once he misses 2, they boot you from that program. He had had ONE appt, the last one where they actually started talking about things that happened, etc. So, after he missed, I called her. I just wanted her to know he didn't miss because of refusal to participate, and that the meds he had started taking were absolutely helping.

She agreed to continue to see him, they are just starting the 12 week program all over, which I think is good but he just had the first one this week and not only did they only talk about VSO benefits and disability stuff, she ended the appt like 20 mins early! I FULLY support therapy and it is a top priority, but, the VA is a 45 minute drive from here! Besides the time, we are scraping by financially with next to no income so the drive is a hardship!

They wanted him to do the inpatient treatment from the very beginning but he refused to go away. He also refused meds at first because he comes from an area drowning in pill addiction. We got past the pill issue so I am thinking I may start suggesting, gently and slowly, that it is probably time for him to really seriously consider the in patient program.

 

[discarded]

I agree that our sufferers need to want to get help. My husband swings from wanting to get better to succombing to his depression and seeing no hope. He did get counselling for a while through VVCS in Australia and was doing really well until his counsellor left and he refused to start again with someone new. He see a psychiatrist on a regular basis but unless he is being honest will not get the help he needs.

Discarded

 

[Melsboi]

I am a sufferer who has just completed a 18 week program through Hollywood (Perth's VA Hospital). It is a combined 2 week inpatient and 16 weeks of 2 days per week. the first 2 weeks as an inpatient are daily and you bond as a team to tackle the demons together. We were mostly ex serviceman but there were a few emergency serviceman in there too.

The course helped me a lot and the work that I am doing afterwards to try and rebuild all of the relationships I have severed over the last 10 years I have been diagnosed with PTSD is my main focus at the moment.

That being said a few things that probably don't get spoken about in your household is that we HAVE TO hit rock bottom and become suicidal before we actually start considering ourselves first. I don't mean to speak for all PTSD sufferers I speak from personal experience. It is not in our make up to think of ourselves in the top 5 of priorities. Again I am speaking from experience with myself and those I know who suffer too. Priorities are
1. Mates / Soldiers
2. Country
3. Partners
4. Kids
5. Families

Where the massive conflict comes in is when you realize the soldiers and the country can run without you. It's a massive loss of identity and it feels like your a waste of space. So you focus on your partner and that sucks because they don't think like soldiers so you don't understand why they care that you forgot the milk and you get angry, this is the only emotion your allowed as a soldier because it keeps you alive.

Your kids don't know any better but you find yourself then turning them into soldiers unknowingly just so you can relate to them. All the time this is happening it is making perfect sense in your head to be like this and everyone else around you should lift their game to your level because you can go to a war zone and survive so you are superior to them.

This is how I thought for 10 years. I turned suicidal after the birth of my fourth child. I was fine I had 2 boys and a step son prior to this so I thought I had the parenting thing sorted as a dad. Having a girl threw me for a loop because the only job I could see in the future for me with her is killing the boys that give her a broken heart. It was this thought that made me believe that my kids and my partner were better off without me in their lives so I became suicidal.

After 10 years of dealing with my PTSD on my own ( medicating when I FELT I NEEDED IT) I finally crashed and realized for me to actually retain any sort of resemblance to normality I had to put myself first. Until there is the emotional kick to the head that we need to realize we are civilians and our families and loved ones need us more than the defence forces ever did we will never truly and honestly commit to any courses.

Again I only speak for myself and those I know that suffer and your situation might be different. I do however wish all of you luck with this as I can only imagine how hard it is to put up with us.

Good luck.

 

[Melsboi]

My exhusband has gone and said the same thing still goes and says it doesn't help. My current husband has gone a few times and says it has helped with somethings but he still doesn't have all the answers. The truth is I don't think he ever will. He is trying to understand how to cope with it and why does he feel the way he does and react. One thing that really bothered him was emotional numbness. He is still working on that one.

This post bought me to tears. I didn't realize there were people out there that could comprehend the sacrifices we have made to do the things that we have. It is amazing that you are so proud of your partner you can write it for the whole world to see that he is your hero. You've done an amazing job and I doubt you could find anyone more inspirational than him with the understanding you possess. I hope you have managed to find a way of telling him that he is your hero.

Thank you for my boost tonight I believe I can finally log off the computer for tonight.

 

[havingfaithinthedark]

Melsboi, Thank you. I have tried to tell him in a letter that he has never read and I have tried to tell him personally but I get to emotional. So maybe one day he will know and understand how much I respect him and those others who are in the military. One day I will make sure he does know. But thank you.

 

[discarded]

Where the massive conflict comes in is when you realize the soldiers and the country can run without you. It's a massive loss of identity and it feels like your a waste of space. So you focus on your partner and that sucks because they don't think like soldiers so you don't understand why they care that you forgot the milk and you get angry, this is the only emotion your allowed as a soldier because it keeps you alive.

Your kids don't know any better but you find yourself then turning them into soldiers unknowingly just so you can relate to them. All the time this is happening it is making perfect sense in your head to be like this and everyone else around you should lift their game to your level because you can go to a war zone and survive so you are superior to them.


Good luck.[/quote] Melsboi

I believe he is close to rock bottom now. He was recently discharged from the reserves after 5 years medically unfit due to his illness. (He somehow managed to transfer to Reserves from regulars unnoticed). He has struggled with this in the lead up and now after it has happened. Last episode all it took was the realisation that we were heading for divorce and he couldn't deal with that as well so he got help. This time I left to give him space but I think if I pursue property settlement and child custody that will be too much for him. He asked me to hold off for awhile and of course I will have to organise it all as he can't cope.

As for turning the kids into soldiers, he has literally done this for one of them. Our 21 year old enlisted a year ago and has just finished his IETs and been posted to our home town. He doesn't get along with his dad real well, having defended me many times and claims he enlisted to finally get his father's love and approval. They do now share a common link but I can already see the soldier traits coming out in my son. I worry that he too will end up suffering PTSD.

 

[discarded]

Melsboi, Thank you. I have tried to tell him in a letter that he has never read and I have tried to tell him personally but I get to emotional. So maybe one day he will know and understand how much I respect him and those others who are in the military. One day I will make sure he does know. But thank you.

I feel the same as you and I too have tried to explain how I see it all and how I am proud of him. He doesn't want to hear it either as he says he is ashamed and embarrassed about the way he is.