It has been nine months, it ended very abruptly, and although our 4 year relationship wasn't perfect, I felt mutual love and respect throughout. Nothing ever felt too big or overwhelming to walk away, not from where I am sitting anyway.
Long story short, there was a PTSD diagnosis for which he refused treatment. His family had told him there was nothing wrong with him, (not going to go into that but it isn't a healthy dynamic from where I am sitting and frankly makes me ill). He became violent, angry, and abusive when he returned home, I left, and we agreed on who would pay what relating to the home we shared. Or so I thought! He abandoned all obligations, shut me out completely, moved somebody into our home and eventually left the state.
I haven't physically spoken to him since about two weeks after we separated in January. I've filled in bits and pieces over the months, added up things I missed, or might have missed, I did snoop through his journal through the last period we lived together (it was the only form of truthful information I was getting), and I believe the other individual was more of an easy target than a love interest.
Flash forward 9 months, no legal recourse to re-coop any money, (too expensive, too time consuming, and I stand to lose way more than I stand to gain according to my attorney).
The last thing he said to me was "you'll never hear from me again"... Again, not justified and stung a great deal. That was just one example of things I never thought I would hear come from his mouth toward anybody, let alone me! I walked around with my jaw on the floor for days, his mother told me to pay for my own stuff, i.e., the house I walked away from and the bills that went with it, that I had lived off her son the entire time we were together. I don't know if she got that from him or just pulled it out of the air but her and I butted heads before so she was all to happy to be rid of me... She isn't a fan of boundaries or the word no, or apparently teaching/encouraging her adult son to finish his obligations and take care of things the right way! Even though he was still living in the home we shared!
In spite of it all, I believe he is in trouble, and although I am not putting my life on hold, I am still finding myself "waiting for the other shoe to drop". I am working on me, my self esteem has sufferred, I spent alot of time trying to fill in the blanks but no matter which angle I come at this, there still leaves a question to be answered. Then there is the question of guilt and self blame, am I really that person he described at the top of his lungs??? Needless to say, I'm talking time for me to heal and trying hard to work through the trauma, the emotional abandonment, and just generally trying to make sense and accept it all... I've done a lot of research on this subject but I feel I could benefit from a personal or similar situation, we all have so many parallels it seems, but I've not read too much about this in particular.
Has anybody experienced a similar situation? The sufferer was gone for an extended period? I want to know if I will ever see him again, partially, because I don't want to be caught off guard. The hospital (he was admitted and diagnosed but refused PTSD treatment) told me "he may reach out at some point, he is in a very bad place"! I don't know which is more frightening, that he may, or that he may never...
Luke was abused as a young child, sexually, by a relative who lived in their home for an extended period of time (what parent on earth??? ya know what, never mind). My point is that right before this, Luke and I were preparing to take on two (at risk) teens, I didn't realize it at the time, but I think that may have been the trigger that started all of this but I have no way of affirmation, it's all just speculation at this point...
Anyway, I'd love some feedback, and thank you for reading this in advance...
Long story short, there was a PTSD diagnosis for which he refused treatment. His family had told him there was nothing wrong with him, (not going to go into that but it isn't a healthy dynamic from where I am sitting and frankly makes me ill). He became violent, angry, and abusive when he returned home, I left, and we agreed on who would pay what relating to the home we shared. Or so I thought! He abandoned all obligations, shut me out completely, moved somebody into our home and eventually left the state.
I haven't physically spoken to him since about two weeks after we separated in January. I've filled in bits and pieces over the months, added up things I missed, or might have missed, I did snoop through his journal through the last period we lived together (it was the only form of truthful information I was getting), and I believe the other individual was more of an easy target than a love interest.
Flash forward 9 months, no legal recourse to re-coop any money, (too expensive, too time consuming, and I stand to lose way more than I stand to gain according to my attorney).
The last thing he said to me was "you'll never hear from me again"... Again, not justified and stung a great deal. That was just one example of things I never thought I would hear come from his mouth toward anybody, let alone me! I walked around with my jaw on the floor for days, his mother told me to pay for my own stuff, i.e., the house I walked away from and the bills that went with it, that I had lived off her son the entire time we were together. I don't know if she got that from him or just pulled it out of the air but her and I butted heads before so she was all to happy to be rid of me... She isn't a fan of boundaries or the word no, or apparently teaching/encouraging her adult son to finish his obligations and take care of things the right way! Even though he was still living in the home we shared!
In spite of it all, I believe he is in trouble, and although I am not putting my life on hold, I am still finding myself "waiting for the other shoe to drop". I am working on me, my self esteem has sufferred, I spent alot of time trying to fill in the blanks but no matter which angle I come at this, there still leaves a question to be answered. Then there is the question of guilt and self blame, am I really that person he described at the top of his lungs??? Needless to say, I'm talking time for me to heal and trying hard to work through the trauma, the emotional abandonment, and just generally trying to make sense and accept it all... I've done a lot of research on this subject but I feel I could benefit from a personal or similar situation, we all have so many parallels it seems, but I've not read too much about this in particular.
Has anybody experienced a similar situation? The sufferer was gone for an extended period? I want to know if I will ever see him again, partially, because I don't want to be caught off guard. The hospital (he was admitted and diagnosed but refused PTSD treatment) told me "he may reach out at some point, he is in a very bad place"! I don't know which is more frightening, that he may, or that he may never...
Luke was abused as a young child, sexually, by a relative who lived in their home for an extended period of time (what parent on earth??? ya know what, never mind). My point is that right before this, Luke and I were preparing to take on two (at risk) teens, I didn't realize it at the time, but I think that may have been the trigger that started all of this but I have no way of affirmation, it's all just speculation at this point...
Anyway, I'd love some feedback, and thank you for reading this in advance...
