General Does Ptsd Dissasociate Someone Enough To Cheat?

[Deleted member 1860]

I get the feeling that you are attributing this shift in her personality to dissociation...fix the dissociation and she's her old self. Well, it doesn't really work like that. I don't think you necessarily understand dissociation, or that what she's experiencing is in fact dissociation. Are both of you seeking professional help?

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Has your fiancee received a diagnosis of PTSD?

Yes. It took a licensed pychatrist to finally tell us this. She fits every category that he was reading out of the textbook that tells about it.
I'm so confused what to call her. She was just my fiancee and I feel that without this crap she still would be. I care for her so much that I don't want her to be my ex but wasn't able to enable her to do that to me.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I get the feeling that you are attributing this shift in her personality to dissociation...fix the dissociation and she's her old self. Well, it doesn't really work like that. I don't think you necessarily understand dissociation, or that what she's experiencing is in fact dissociation. Are both of you seeking professional help?

I am going to a counceler tomorrow. She was going to an outpatient program that was pretty intensive that was supposed to be two weeks long. This is where she met the guy that she had at my home. She did not complete treatment as she is now back in her hometown and not in my home. She was loving going because she said she was learning a lot but apparently not enough to make her not do this shit.

 

[Shellbell]

Abuse and PTSD causes people to self harm sometimes in a variety of ways, not just in the more common ways such as cutting.

I think it's possible cheating is a form of self harm. Knowing the relationship may end, not feeling worthy of a loving caring partner, deliberately sabotaging the relationship.

I'm not saying this is definitely the case as we don't know your wife or how she thinks. But cheating can be a reason.

 

[AS1975]

No, being an arsehole might, but PTSD will not. Frustration, resentment and anger might cause someone to do something to harm their partner, but don't allow them to blame the illness.

 

[Abstract]

I really agree that cheating can be a form of self harm. It is not unheard of for those that are traumatised to do so. I also wanted to say that there is a difference between PTSD causing something and you needing to OK it or the person acting on it.

It sounds to me like there is no doubt that PTSD is what has precipitated this but that does not mean that she needs to act on it or that you need to accept it.

It could also just be a way of pushing you away and causing more pain for herself in general - what she maybe feels she deserves. And quite likely that she doesn't realise that that is what is happening.

The monster you see is the awful emotions and pain that are being acted out and unfortunately you are in the line of fire. The monster isn't her. But unacceptable actions are still not acceptable.

She sounds like she is in deep trouble to me.

 

[Abstract]

I also think it could be useful to know that for some of us the people it is hardest to be close to are those we love the most.

This could partly be her being desperate for contact but unable to allow herself to get it from where she should be getting it.

I personally would never cheat. Having a hard enough dealing with the relationships I have already and it is not something I would do. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I feel like I have to give up on her. She keeps saying some really messed up things. I'm giving up on her. I really wish this year wasn't happening. It is hard enough losing your kid, it sucks losing your partner that you love so much. We were fine 3 weeks ago then she started group therapy and did a 180 personality switch. I give up. Honestly, I feel worthless. I feel like garbage. We had a great life and now it is all gone. All of it. Just gone.

 

[discarded]

You really have had a difficult time and still are and you need support for yourself. Being with a sufferer really is one of the most difficult things to do and sometimes or most times it is just all too much. I feel very much the same way as you do, I had a whole string of things this year that I really needed support for and although he tried I could tell it was all just too much for him. She has only had 3 weeks of therapy, maybe in time things will be different. But if you need a break then take it, staying may only make things worse for both of you. My heart goes out to you. ((((hugs))))

 

[Banjaxed]

Sorry for your situation.That really sucks but I can only speak from my own experience as that is the onloy thing I have to go with...I was a notorious ladies man back in the day and my friends all told me when I got married I would cheat on my wife...I said I never would as I would have found true love by then....I was right , 23 yhears together , 12 of them married and never cheated once...I have been lucky as I really doubt she would cheat on me.....but having said all that my PTS has done the opposite , it has brought me even closer to my wife as she is my rock

Hopefully you can work things out , sounds like she has issues of her own that may not even be about you

Hold your head high....sounds to me like you handled things the right way

If she comes back for a second chance, sit down and discuss it

Cheers

K

 

[AS1975]

I feel like I have to give up on her. She keeps saying some really messed up things. I'm giving up on her. I really wish this year wasn't happening. It is hard enough losing your kid, it sucks losing your partner that you love so much. We were fine 3 weeks ago then she started group therapy and did a 180 personality switch. I give up. Honestly, I feel worthless. I feel like garbage. We had a great life and now it is all gone. All of it. Just gone.

Mate, it is up to you - there are people who can recover from finding out their partner is a cheat and there are others who just aren't willing to cop it. I'm in the latter category, because I don't understand cheating, I've never done it, yeah I've been tempted, but for me honesty is key and without that there can be no relationship. I have been cheated on, I have tried to come to terms with it and work around it, but history tells me that it is something I find very hard to work past. That said, I also have a very poor record with decisions made in either haste or anger. Calm down, look at what you have and decide if it is worth saving. For mine, illness, even mental illness, does not excuse the basic trust issue.

 

[amethist]

I can understand you giving up mr_smith, I could not cope with my ex husband cheating, and there was no PTSD involved.

Look after yourself for a while, let the world take care of itself for now.