Sufferer Taking Advice And Reaching Out

[nimkekaa]

The saying "hind sight is 20/20" comes to mind when I read your post. It's so easy to look back and see signs that add up to something after it has happened. Your father didn't want to go back to the hospital. It was his choice and you respected his right to live his own life. If it wasn't a heart attack then he would have lost out on a special time with his family. I'm sure that spending his last moments with his family would be special to him.

As for how your reacting to what you saw and experienced, maybe you could read up on flight or fight responses. I am not a ptsd expert but from my understanding you went through a very tramatic experience where you felt helpless. When we are scared we go into fight or flight mode. This is a natural instict that has helped people survive since the beginning of man. What happens when you have ptsd is you get stuck in this fight or flight mode and can't get out of it. Your body is still registering danger and you are still reacting to it. (like worrying that someone else will die) If you were in a car crash and someone died then it would make sense to be scared of driving. But you had no idea that your father was going to die and therefore can't figure out what to do to keep everyone safe in your life. So you are stuck in survival mode. Checking and making sure everyone is ok and will still be there in a minute from now or a day from now etc.

Therefore you can't control this anymore then you can control going into shock if you had your hand cut off. Your body is reacting to what it has seen and been through.

I may not be explaining it properly but I hope you get the point. This really helped me as I started to realize that I had no more control over what was happening to me then a person with diabetes has over their body.

I watched my grandfather die of cancer. I felt helpless and in his last few minutes I lost it and was running around in the middle of the road trying to find a phone. I'm sure 911 was already called at this time. (I was 17 at the time.) I would check in with my hubby (then boyfriend) many time through out the day to make sure he was ok. I was terrified of losing someone else I was close to.

I dont' know if this helps but I'll be thinking about you and sending healing vibes your way if you want me too.

 

[Bilby]

Pinkcake, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

I lost my Dad some time ago - he too had a heart attack, and I lost my brother under particularly traumatic circumstances. I won't go into details of their deaths here, but I do understand the pain of losing a parent. I also understand the feeling of 'what if I'd done.. X, Y, Z?" These kinds of thoughts tend to stay with us for a while.

Specifically, in relation to my Dad, I'd like to share something with you. I spoke to his Doctor after he died. My Dad had been in at the hospital just the night before he died. His Doctor was able to reassure me, that even if my Dad had been in hospital, and a Doctor had quite literally been right by his side at the time of the heart attack, that they would not have been able to save him - and even if they had, that there would have been irrepairable damage done that would have seen him living in a way that I know he wouldn't have wanted. I hope this provides you with some comfort, with knowing that you could not have changed the outcome, nor could any medical specialist, even if they were with your Dad at that very moment.

I hope you find the forums useful - there are a lot of understanding people here :)

B x

 

[therapybankrupt]

Sorry to hear about your Dad!

 

[Pinkcake]

The saying "hind sight is 20/20" comes to mind when I read your post. It's so easy to look back and see signs that add up to something after it has happened. Your father didn't want to go back to the hospital. It was his choice and you respected his right to live his own life. If it wasn't a heart attack then he would have lost out on a special time with his family. I'm sure that spending his last moments with his family would be special to him.

As for how your reacting to what you saw and experienced, maybe you could read up on flight or fight responses. I am not a ptsd expert but from my understanding you went through a very tramatic experience where you felt helpless. When we are scared we go into fight or flight mode. This is a natural instict that has helped people survive since the beginning of man. What happens when you have ptsd is you get stuck in this fight or flight mode and can't get out of it. Your body is still registering danger and you are still reacting to it. (like worrying that someone else will die) If you were in a car crash and someone died then it would make sense to be scared of driving. But you had no idea that your father was going to die and therefore can't figure out what to do to keep everyone safe in your life. So you are stuck in survival mode. Checking and making sure everyone is ok and will still be there in a minute from now or a day from now etc.


I dont' know if this helps but I'll be thinking about you and sending healing vibes your way if you want me too.

I would appreciate it. Hindsight IS 20/20. My dad wouldn't have wanted to be in the hospital or in a nursing home. He told my brother one time a while back that if he got Alzheimers to just take him up to the mountains and put him out in the middle of the woods. He grew up in the mountains and said he'd rather take his chances and die out there rather than be confined to a nursing home knowing what was going on and not being able to move or being a burden on family.

In my head, I KNOW that he would have rather gone fast and without suffering but in my heart it still hurts. That knowledge is still not helping with the PTSD. maybe one day it will but for now, these feelings remain.

C mentioned something about fight or flight toward the end of our session last week but we ran out of time and are supposed to get more into to it. Unfortunately, with Thanksgiving coming up, she couldn't see me until after that. She said I seem to be stuck in flight right now.

 

[Pinkcake]

Hello Pinkcake,
I hear you, after my uncle died I was afraid my parents or my brother would be next and would worry myself into panic attacks. Though I've learn how to stop them or at least mitigate their effects. Here is what I do: I breath in deep through my nose and exhale slowly through my mouth.


Me2

C recommended that I start meditating and this sounds similar to that. She recommended guided meditation for the first few times and gave me the name of a good person to follow when it comes to meditation but I forgot and don't see her again until after Thanksgiving.