Learning To Be A Good Mother-in-law!

[AngelKeeperJ]

Geez, a whole new relationship to learn...actually two! So, now I'm trying to learn to MYOB (Mind My Own Business). This is new to me!

I've had a gut feeling that things aren't going too smoothly at my son's. Of course, I get my best 'excercise' from 'jumping to conclusions'. LOL, at least I talked to my son for a second and know it's nothing huge going on. Because he's a former drug addict (not just pot) I always have a bit of fear when he is stressed out. He drinks too much as far as I'm concerned, but as my T responds....How old is he?? There ya go!

His wife found some pictures of an old girlfriend...oh, why do men have to be so thick-headed? You would think he'd know!! NOT something for her to see when she just had a baby. To me, a woman's most vulnerable time is right after having a baby. SO not sexy or confident! Hopefully, she'll calm down when he gets home.

I think I'm going back to bed!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is hard being a MIL. I am one to my daughters husband. We get along ok but nothing exciting. He is very nice and sweet. He has helped us out so much. I do not know him. I do not see him very much as he works nights and sleeps during the day.

I have learned to keep my mouth shut and stay out of what goes on between them. They seperated for awhile and I was not very supportive of him because he had been misbehaving so there is new distance between us.

They got back together. They all get along pretty good. It is hard being a MIL. I have to keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself. I wish you the best.

I know what you mean about how old they are. It is hard to let go isn't it? I hope you had a good nap.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Haven't :sleep: yet, but I'm on my way. Ma n Pa are going out and about so it will be blissfully quiet!

 

[Pinkcake]

I will comment from the DIL standpoint. It is VITAL that your son not come to you with problems in his marriage. It will destroy any bit of relationship that you will ever be able to have with your DIL. Even if the issue was caused by him, tt will be difficult not to blame her and not to judge her for her reactions. they need to figure them out together or go to a marriage counselor. I suggest that if he comes to you to complain about his wife, that you shut him down and tell him to see a counselor.

I am firm in my belief that when you marry your spouse, you are to leave and cleave. You become a family with your spouse and future children and all other family becomes extended instead of immediate.

 

[discarded]

All I hope for is that my DIL and SIL don't feel about me like I do about my mother-in-law. She is the most interfering person I have ever met. She has done her best to get rid of me from day one, and she is finally happy now that after 28 years together PTSD has finally taken its toll on my marriage.

I decided a long time ago that my children need to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. I will always be here for them but won't interfere and will offer advice only when asked. I am lucky I am blessed with terrific spouses for my son and daughter.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am firm in my belief that when you marry your spouse, you are to leave and cleave. You become a family with your spouse and future children and all other family becomes extended instead of immediate.

OMGosh!! Thank you for these wise words. I 'knew' them, but never had to put them into action! This MIL thing is new to me, and I am SO thankful that you wrote these words!!!

I will 'engrave' them in my soul!

(((:hug:)))

 

[Britt.f7]

My boys are in their teens and really haven't dated yet. I am wondering how I'm going to feel once that all happens. I hope to be a good MIL when the time comes. I plan to treat her as a daughter. However, I know things change.

My mother treated my husband as a son. If anything she treated him better then me.

As far as being a DIL, I've been one twice. The first time wasn't so great, with the exception of my FIL. Their son was an only child. She still did his laundry and made him lunch for work after we were married. I'm pretty sure no woman would have been good enough. My recent MIL died awhile back. With her, I think it was more of my own insecurities then the way she treated me. She was always proper and nice. With the exception of the one time, when I first married, and she guessed my clothes size several sizes bigger then I was. :eek:

 

[Pinkcake]

She was always proper and nice. With the exception of the one time, when I first married, and she guessed my clothes size several sizes bigger then I was. :eek:

Britt--that's passive aggressiveness at its finest! Was she "southern"? I'm from the south and I can tell you that some older proper southern ladies can be very PA and you don't even realize it.

 

[Britt.f7]

No, she wasn't from the South, though I was living there at the time. It could have been her generation.