Orgasm During Abuse

[raven123]

This will sound cold and weird and sick, but it isn't. Your body responding so strongly to the rape with an orgasm means your body was working overtime chemically to help you respond to the rape not hurt you. The body responds to good and bad stress with sometimes the same result. Rape, like any stressor, causes the body to heighten it's awareness and responses. An orgasm is the release of positive and negative stress. Your orgasm during the rape was a release of negative stress. Sounds weird, right? Not really. Just biology. Truth is, the orgasm you had was actually your body trying to calm you down (fight off stress) so you could think rationally about what was happening and respond (mentally and/or physically). It wasn't a response to the rapist, but a response to help you face the stress of the rape. Don't hate your body because it worked like it supposed to. It didn't betray you. It did it's job. Does it still suck you had an orgasm during the rape? Sure, but at least now you know why.

I read this in the book Resurrection after Rape. It makes perfect sense.

 

[anonymous]

Britt.f7, your post made me cry. I don't know why. You brought up so many valid points. Yes, true, if people could control it, they would be doing it all the time. Awkward.

I am glad you have/am working on accepting your body, and not letting your abuser win. I think that's what made me upset the most. I have let him win. I have let him take over absolutely everything. I feel so ashamed of my body, because it did what a female body was built to do. But he took advantage of that. I can't even look at myself in a mirror, and avoid being naked at all times. I sit there and I cut and burn my body, because I am so disgusted with it. It shouldn't be like this.

Thank you for thinking I am brave. I feel the total opposite at the moment. And, I have not heard from my T. Which is stressing me out even more. I feel like maybe I told her too much. Maybe she thinks I am disgusting too? Oh well... can't change that now. No idea when I'm seeing her next. I suppose I just have to wait for her to give me an appointment.

Thank you for letting me know that I too, am not alone. I really appreciate you commenting here :)

 

[anonymous]

Raven123, I think I will get a copy of that book.

Although, not sure how it could be a release of negative stress? I feel negative stress all the time, and my body never reacts that way. But it does make sense about not being a reaction to the abuser. I hated him and what he was doing, I just didn't have any control.

All of this makes sense in my head...but it still hurts

 

[Britt.f7]

your post made me cry

I really didn't mean to make you cry. I hope you are okay.

If your therapist doesn't call you, call her and make an appointment. Maybe she is waiting for you to call her after everything you told her. I would think that she would call you. I guarantee, though, she does not, nor should she, think anything bad of you. If she is a good therapist she would not harbor any negative feelings toward you regarding what you said.

I still believe you to be brave. I've been dealing with my demons for a long time. I was in inpatient treatment for sexual abuse/ptsd when I was in my 20's. That was an amazing, though difficult, experience. I still have issues from time to time. I'm fortunate to have a very understanding spouse.

I'm not shocked by anything you have said. I do not think less of you. I realize you are hurting. I remember being there...some days closer then others. Just remember, you are strong, you are brave, and you deserve so much more then what he left you with.

 

[Lady Vet]

First of all...I see people of great courage in here...to share and talk about this stuff takes great courage!

And reading through this thread, I couldn't help but think that it's more than just a physical response at stake here. What I mean is that I have the same shame and guilt because I needed to believe that my abuser was doing what he did because he loved me, that he cared about me, otherwise, why would he want to have sex with me (even if it was forced against my will)? It feels like emotional blackmail (for me)...and I think the underlying current is the same process...as human beings, we are hardwired to respond, period. But when we respond to unnatural and contorted acts of what is in a different context considered to be relationally intimate, it's confusing on so many levels. I go through the same thought process....not because I had an orgasm during the sexual abuse, but because the only way that I could "explain" to myself what was happening was through the language of relationship intimacy....if he was having sex with me, then he must care about me....even if it was forced, even if I didn't want it....my mind still filtered the experience through the filters of how human beings are instinctively hardwired....and that hardwiring absolutely involves physical responses, as well as emotional ones.

In my own case, it's been about 27 years, but I still can't let go of the shame and humiliation that my emotional self responded the ways that it did to this man who sexually assaulted/raped me...so I can absolutely relate to this...and appreciate the comments made by everyone.

 

[Estacia]

I saw my rapist in Target on Sunday. We married when I was 16. We have a 15 year old. He statred raping me when I was 17. It started two days after I had our daughter and did not stop until I left him a month before I turned 18. I am now 32. My girl is 15. It brought back a lot of bad memories looking into those evil eyes.

 

[CrazyHorse]

I really didn't mean to make you cry. I hope you are okay.

Your post made me cry too, and I know why: You write with such compassion that your words touched my heart!

 

[Britt.f7]

Your post made me cry too, and I know why: You write with such compassion that your words touched my heart!

CrazyHorse, thank you for those kind words. They mean more then you could ever know.

 

[Britt.f7]

I saw my rapist in Target on Sunday

I couldn't even imagine this. I can still see my abuser's faces, but there is absolutely no chance of running into them. One is dead and they other I haven't seen since I was a small child. I live in a different city now. I think I would freak if I ran into her. I will never forget her flaming red hair. I'm so sorry you had to go through this!

but I still can't let go of the shame and humiliation

It takes a long time to get over the shame and guilt. Even though I went through intense treatment, I still have times where I feel this. Especially during sex. Thankfully my husband is supportive and doesn't force me. When I'm depressed the feelings are there. I do fight it and, with treatment, I have been able to counter it when it shows up. It is definitely a horrible feeling that you do not deserve to carry. If anything, the abuser should be the one to carry those feelings. They should carry the shame and guilt. Hang in there. I hope the day comes soon that you do not feel those feeling, especially in the intensity you now do.

 

[raven123]

Raven123, I think I will get a copy of that book.

Although, not sure how it could be a release of negative stress? I feel negative stress all the time, and my body never reacts that way. But it does make sense about not being a reaction to the abuser. I hated him and what he was doing, I just didn't have any control.

All of this makes sense in my head...but it still hurts

Go to resurrectionafterrapedotcom. Just click the free ebook version. The courage to heal workbook I'd recommend, too.

 

[Britt.f7]

I also liked the book "Courage to Heal". It has a workbook that you can use with it. I didn't do that part.

 

[Lady Vet]

I am not familiar with the Resurrection book, but The Courage to Heal was the book that saved me (when I first started dealing with the sexual abuse). A wonderful resource :)